Navigating another pothole in the road

   Here I am, having not blogged for a while. I've been taking time off to deal with a medical issue that appeared out of nowhere. I'm still taking things easy as I recover. 
   When I was little I used to be scared of doctors and a myriad of other things. Throughout this very recent experience, I was surprised to see some of my childhood anxieties return. It was a very weird, dejavu-type feeling as I headed off to hospital last week. I felt like a four year old all over again.

   I was very fortunate to have family providing loads of support and I'm very grateful for friends who dropped in with flowers and homemade goodies. When family and friends have been sick I've usually been too busy to help out!! 
   Now there's some food for thought...

   My prognosis is very good. I know many people go to the doctor's and end up having to deal with much more than what I have come away with. 
   In the lead-up to the operation I found myself drawing on my anxiety-coping skills. It was good to know that having to learn those skills years ago has given me strength in other areas of my life many years later.    As I waited for test results I remembered to keep it very real. I kept in mind that this experience is part of the natural flow of life: ups and downs, challenges, joys, opportunities to learn and grow. I stayed focussed (OK, maybe not always) and I have learnt enough to know that I matter and it was OK for me to take time off from work (I have plenty of leave, so that was not a concern) and not feel guilty.  
   I guess you could say that I recognised it for what it was. Another pothole in the road of life.
   As I mentioned earlier there were times when anxiety did creep in. The little child in me lives again. As well, the post-operation time has been more difficult than expected. My arm has been sore and I've found everyday things challenging. Things like brushing my hair, picking things up off the floor, writing, having a shower and so on. I've been anxious about some of these smaller things more than the bigger issues.  

   On the bright side I am on the mend. I feel happy as some of the regular rhythms of life make a cautious return. Yesterday I made some sweet buns using a very simple recipe. It's been terribly dull here with winter rains and cold weather so it was a pleasant surprise to see pops of colour in the garden. I couldn't resist bringing some of that colour indoors when the sun came out yesterday afternoon. Last week I scheduled an afternoon to do a blog post. Just over a week later it's happening. 

As a friend explained the other night, you have to take care of your body and make sure it's OK. No matter how much I want to blog or organise the front room of our house, I'm learning that it can only happen if my body is ready. I think I'm still trying to accommodate this idea. How many wellbeing gurus cry out that power is all in the mind? I remember one yoga teacher once told our students that the mind is your strongest muscle.   I  thought that was rather profound and I wanted to display it in the classroom.

But over the last two weeks my body just wanted to sleep and rest...

Though I do believe that difficult times reap incredible growth and richness...

It's rather like going on a holiday to a first time destination .... great anticipation of the unknown... minus the sunglasses and photo snaps...And they speak a different language...

Mr S had a workmate over for lunch today. He got up early and cooked a small feast. I could hear him singing and joking around as he prepared curry pies, steamed buns, taro and corned beef. It was very plain to see - and hear- that he was in his element. He doesn't cook as often now because his nails are so bad and he's usually too tired from work. I think the last few weeks have been confusing for him as he grew up in a community where people did not articulate their health needs and concerns. Indeed, people in his community employ different but very natural-based methods and knowledge  when it comes to wellbeing. And as when one learns any new language (cf the language of hospitals and health practitioners and western science), it takes time to learn and accommodate new concepts and terminology.

It was very heartening to hear his joviality and see his brilliant smile filling the house all of this morning.

And to see that life goes on and good things continue to happen, no matter what!

A reflection on reflection in my life

This year my word for 2016 is not a word as such, but rather, a practice. This year I really hope to make it a priority to reflect on a regular basis. To bring this about, I did a brainstorm about how, where and when I might do that. Very quickly I came up with a few ideas that were simple enough and therefore achievable.

What?

·         Practise gratitude

·         Take time to sit and think

·         Evaluate goals

·         Seek out inspiration

Where?

·         Anywhere free from distraction

·         Seat next to window…whenever I sit there I take to daydreaming

·         Seat on the front verandah…nice, cool spot at the end of a hot day

When?

·         The hardest question!

·         Friday evenings – schedule time once a month to evaluate goals

·         At the end of the day, taking a rest outside in the cool of the evening (will work for summer)

How?  Now

Find 5 things to be grateful for each day.

At the end of the day I sit outside in the quiet of the evening and try to recall 5 things for which I am grateful. I find that by the time I get to number five many other things have come to mind. I also find that if I take my time I  feel rested and appreciative no matter what my mood was before I started. Of course, I can practise this anywhere which works as long as it's somewhere where I’m free to focus.

Create a small poster showing a quote that inspires me.

I hope to choose some words of inspiration and display them in our home. I could use watercolours or get creative on the computer. My aim is to do this once in February. I would love this activity to be a regular practice but I am trying to keep it real.

I would also like to find a time now and then when I can read or view something motivational and/or inspiring. However, I think if the two goals above happen then that will be enough to ensure that reflection  is becoming a part of my life. What I plan to make this happen does not need to be grand or rigorous.

I have already started sitting outside of an evening, looking out over the garden and reflecting on what I have to be grateful for. It's a lovely, peaceful time and very calming at the end of the day.

Other things I might do …..

Go for a long bike ride (remove myself completely from my typically sedentary, homely  way of living)

Watch a video clip of an inspirational speaker.

Share some of the inspirational stories in a post.

Journal my week/month using words, pictures, colour, highlighting significant words, experiences, memories.

Time Alone

A winter's day on Mt Macedon

This morning I had my chai latte. I sat in the car for ten minutes and just relaxed.
I relished those  few moments in the car park, while the shops were still empty and before I faced a stampede impending stampede of high school students.
I realised that I haven't had that time alone for a while. And I miss it. I need it. It's an essential part of my lifeblood.
I was so happy to get out in the garden on Sunday. I felt rejuvenated as I hacked away at the rose bushes in the full sunshine. It was very liberating after being cooped up inside for the last few months. It was, for me, time alone.
Mr S and I have a relatively quiet life at home, but evenso, I've learned over the years that I need complete time alone to refuel and replenish. Gardening on Sunday was just that. When I craft it's just that. I thought running might be that sort of time but when I pound the footpaths of my local neighbourhood I need every ounce of energy just to take the next step. There's no surplus energy for contemplating the meaning of life.
I had friends over for a lovely afternoon tea on Saturday afternoon. However, at the end of it all, I was ready for complete time alone.
Time alone helps me to handle life.  I remember being in the toilet when I was nine or ten years old and realising that all my good ideas happened at that time. A little weird, I know. It is understandable when I look back. In my talkative family there was not always space for an introvert to search deep and explore her innermost thoughts aloud.
I'm glad I know now that my introversion is an important part of who I am. It helps me to know why I can feel at odds with everyday life even when things are "OK".
I am currently working with a new class level and that means extra work. I don't like having my evenings and weekends taken up with lesson plans and corrections. It crowds my personal time and means there is less of a chance to have meaningful "me" time.

Keeping warm on a winter's day, spending time with friends.

I'm grateful for my chai this morning. I'm looking forward to more sunshine and more complete time alone!  Now that the sun is shining a little more around these parts, I will hopefully find it easier to get more of the "me" time.

Weekend Focus

I’m glad it’s Friday.

It’s been one of those weeks.

Sometimes fatigue hits and I struggle.

I come home from work and I have to decide whether I should put my energy into school work or cooking a decent meal.  

Fortunately I feel stronger now. Fortunately I have the weekend to catch up on everything. Fortunately my classroom, that was becoming increasingly challenging, is starting to get a little easier.

I feel I really need to refocus this weekend.

Which reminds me that I need to do many other things this weekend.

Friday night is my time to do bills and banking. It’s my time to meal plan and prepare a shopping list.  

It’s also a chance to find my focus again and plan the week ahead.

My Weekend To Do List

• ·         Bills and Banking and Planning ( a good chance to focus)
• ·         Time to tidy up
• ·         Cook a decent meal. Make up lentil soup and freeze two serves.
• ·         Go for a walk and a run.
• ·         Go to my favourite craft market.
• ·         School preparation.
• ·         Get my haircut. (appointment made)
• ·         Clear out a shelf. Declutter my art supplies. (30 minutes)

A little ambitious … but I make the list knowing I can be flexible and knowing that if I need to change something that is OK. And time to chill out is a given. I haven't scheduled it but I know I don't function without it. I've also cut out a couple of things just so that I can be kind to myself and ensure I give myself time to rejuvenate.

Hope you all have a good weekend.

Trying very hard.... to wake up early

 
     It must be over six months now that I have been trying very hard to wake up early when I go to work .... after 30 years of getting up at the last minute. 

    I have to be honest and say that the last three weeks have been tough. In the morning it's so cold and dark when I wake up that I actually started pushing the snooze button and turning over to get a bit more sleep.  I was clearly stepping into dangerous territory. Around 7.20 I would begrudgingly get up and scramble to pack a quick  breakfast. Some mornings I wouldn't get as far as packing breakfast.

    I realised I needed to apply drastic measures to counteract my downward spiral from what had started as a grand and almighty  attempt at waking up earlier each day.

    A few weeks later and this is what I have done to turn things around and make the "waking up early" experience possible once again.
   
    I turn on the bedside lamp as soon as the alarm goes off and then turn on the heating... then I run and hop back into bed! Both of these serve to disguise the cold and dark and help me take my mind off what it's really like  outside.

    I decided it would also be easier if I tried to add incentives.  I like listening to the radio in the morning so I've combined that with having my breakfast (in bed, I might add!). After the house has warmed up and my eyes are ready to open I get up and prepare a quick and healthy breakfast. 

    I love my chai latte on Thursdays before work. It's become a habit. Having a very appealing incentive has been a real help to getting out of bed on a cold, miserable morning.

    The other thing I've done is keep it real. As much as I would dearly love to accomplish great things in the morning I could see my goal of waking up early was getting away from me. There's no denying I find it really hard some mornings. So I needed to stop expecting to accomplish 5 new things in the morning when I was struggling to do one. I decided to reduce my expectations and prioritise. At the moment, breakfast is the main goal.

I'm very proud of what I've achieved thus far. I certainly haven't conquered the mornings. However, I've been very surprised to see that  I've actually managed to get up early every morning and have breakfast at home. One factor that makes waking up so hard is not getting  to sleep early enough. Perhaps that will need to be the next step in strengthening my morning routine. I'm also hoping to find myself some more "appealing incentives" for the mornings. Those goals will need to be simple and sweet which sounds good to me.  Who knows what I might achieve by the end of 2015!
    
    
\

What I Can Do

 

 I don't feel well. I haven't felt great for a few days now. There's so much I want to do. I want to run. I want to garden. I want to create. I want to invite people over. Yet, I can't. I miss my days of planning and ticking off goals and tasks and feeling like I'm making the most of my life. 

   This morning, lying in bed and feeling too tired to get up, I wondered how to make sense of it. I've been reading lots of blogs as I haven't had enough energy for much else, but it has left my mind buzzing with stories of people who are running around doing hundreds of  things while I do nothing. 

   Then I remembered. Nearly twenty years ago, I was going through a slump. It was one of the worst times in my life and, back then, not knowing I had social anxiety, it was incredibly difficult to know what to do. I felt isolated at that time and no one really knew I was struggling. It was a time of transition. I had left a beautiful job and lifestyle for another one and it wasn't working out. In fact, the job was disastrous and I had to leave. 

   With no work, I used to sync my life with the TV. Oprah was on at 2:00 in the afternoon and after a dose of inspiration from her I would feel better about moving on with my day. One afternoon, still feeling very sorry for myself , Oprah was interviewing a young man who had lost so much and had so little. I was impressed to see how conscientious he was. It amazed me that he believed enough in himself to go to school, have goals and be determined to pass and go on to further study. 

   Oprah asked him how he managed to keep going. 

   He replied, "I just think about what I can do. I don't think about what I can't do." 

   Now those words have stayed with me. Very close to me. For the big challenges as well as the smaller ones. I may have mistaken the precise wording but I have never forgotten the lesson that young man taught me. I don't like to promote "big business" but I do want to acknowledge how important that program was to me at that time. 

I was so self-absorbed in what I couldn't do that I had forgotten what I could do.

   So this morning, I shared the story with Mr S and I realised that I need to approach my life this week with that in mind. It's frustrating not being able to do the things I love but there is still so much that I have and that I can do.

This week...
I can lie in bed while the rain pours down (not the whole week!).
I can see the sun shining over the park after the last downpour.
I can still try to keep up my water intake.
I can still try to be mindful of my internet usage.
I've got two lovely classes of students so I think I can still keep teaching without losing my voice and taking time off work.
I can make sure that I monitor my health and rest as much as possible.
I can prioritise what needs to be done.
I can dream about all those projects and dreams I want to work on when I do feel stronger!

Just do one thing before you sit down

When I come home from work I find all I want to do is sit down and veg. Some days I have no energy. My inclination when I walk through the door is to sit down on the couch as quickly as possible. The problem is that I usually have plenty of things to do, including getting a meal ready. 

One day, after thinking about my time-wasting habits,  I realised that flopping down on the couch was the crucial point at which I was choosing to "slack off".  I realised that I needed to change what I did right at that point. Ever the queen of making life easy, I challenged myself to do just one thing before I sat down. I figured that would lighten the workload at least a little. I don't believe in work, work, work but I know that relax, relax, relax is counter-productive as well!

So, one thing is what I try to do before I sit down and succumb to the need to veg out after I come home from work. Keeping it simple, is the key!! I usually assign myself something easy to do, such as put ten things away (yep, there can be a lot of mess sometimes), before I have a cuppa, or clean the basin, then have a snack.

You might have already guessed what I'm going to say next. After I do one job I feel a sense of achievement and I find myself doing a little bit more. The ten things I pick up, quickly and easily, become twenty things. While  I give the living room a quick tidy-up, I start working out what I need to do for dinner. The other day I decided to water the pot plants and I took a quick walk around the garden.  Most of the plants are dying off after the summer season but I found a zucchini ready to pick. 

This is also where a meal plan works well for me. It helps if I start on the meal preparation before I sit down. I sometimes feel daunted by the task of cooking a meal after a day's work, so it is much easier when I don't have to think  too much about what I'm going to cook. I apply the same principle to meal prep: just do one thing for the meal before I take a rest. More often than not, I end up cooking the whole meal.

I recommend doing just one thing when you need to do work but can't be bothered or you're just too tired. It makes life a little  bit easier and lightens the load with minimal effort. And, if you're lucky, you'll probably end up doing more than you set out to do!

Some of this probably sounds outlandish to busy parents who don't always have the luxury of free time before mealtimes.  To tell you the truth, I'm not sure how they do it. 
I do know that  in the years gone by I would be totally drained at times by being with other people.  There would have been times when I felt worthless (and worse) and it was very hard to turn around and do a simple task such as nourish myself with good food. Social anxiety can be extremely taxing on the mind and body. 

Happy SAD Thoughts

Having SAd is something that is always with me. More often than not I forget I have it. However, I cannot forget forever. SAd has a way of knocking on my door and reminding me that it has a fixed place in my life. At times like that I realise  I need to work at keeping myself grounded and in the position where I can mange my SAd easily.

There are many things I do that help me stay centred. Getting enough sleep is a high priority. Exercise has helped me use my energy in a productive way and leaves me feeling good. I try to work out three times a week but most times it's once or twice. I have hobbies that nourish me, such as gardening and I recognise other practices which give me a boost. Having a chai latte is simple enough. It warms me inside and provides an excuse to relax and enjoy a few moments of solitude. 

One of the key ways that keeps my thoughts grounded is by reading and watching out for inspiration from other people and sources. Getting a regular fix of both positive and challenging ideas makes it easier for me to think positively and challenge the negative thoughts. I often look out on pinterest for meaningful quotes and I always welcome finding reports in the newspaper that shine a light on social anxiety.

This week I came across this clip via Life behind the purple door . Dayarne at Simple joys and silver linings  shares her experience of anxiety. She's made a video in which she speaks frankly and simply about what anxiety has been like for her. I think it helps immensely to know others out there have gone through what I have and to know I am not alone in this. It is also great to have role models and to see how others forge on - with their anxiety- and move forward with their life. 

I firmly believe the more we talk about social anxiety the easier it will be for those who have it but are not aware of it to find ways to manage it. It would have been so good, when I was young and struggling, to have had some strategies to turn to, or some role models to look up to and I'm talking about helping me just to get through the day.
If you would like to see more words of inspiration, have a look at my pinterest board of Happy SAd Thoughts.

This week I'd like to leave you with some words of inspiration.
As you can see I'm an amateur when it comes to presenting quotes myself.... 
Have a lovely Sunday.

Goals for 2015: Be healthy and happy!

My overriding goal for 2015, as I approach a milestone birthday, is to be healthy and happy, with particular emphasis on healthy.

As I age - yes, I am still young, but I can definitely notice my body changing in many ways - I want to make this a priority. It's easy for me to forget about drinking water or going for a run when work or the internet take over, yet for me to be truly healthy now and in the future, the exercise needs to be regular and happening NOW.

Being happy is just as important but I feel there is so  much in my life which is good and that is something which I can more easily work on at any time and any place. Being happy is a broad term and I suppose I really use it to mean wellbeing of spirit and mind, rather than wearing a smile on your face every moment of your day.

So to be healthy this year I want to commit  to

• running three times a week
• buying a "good" bike and going for weekly bike rides
• drinking more water every day

To be happy  I aim to do what I can do to enhance my social wellbeing (with SA that's something which I often avoid, tending to put my energies into personal pursuits), enjoy my house and garden and continue to work on keeping life simple and meaningful.

Social and personal wellbeing goals:

• listen attentively, focus on the speaker (not myself), be present, talk less
• make an effort to invite friends over or catch up with friends once a month, be active

Enjoying  house and garden

•  hang pictures around house
•  make two more, small fairy gardens
•  one new recipe a month
•  one additional cleaning job a week
• commit to planned routine time e.g. Friday nights bills and planning, a load of washing midweek
• spend time in the garden at least once a week

Keeping life simple and meaningful ( in addition to all of the above goals)

• take time to reflect and express gratitude on a weekly basis
• at the end of the year prepare and celebrate a simple, intentional Christmas
• watch pennies more closely, chip away at the mortgage
• sew; possibly try some bunting or a table runner
• planned computer time rather than using it as a procrastination tool
• blog twice a week

There are many goals but I've got a whole year to work towards achieving them. I tried to implement quite a number of them last year so in 2015 I just need to commit to them. I endeavour to live a life that is people-friendly and earth-friendly, as well as being simple and mindful, so such values need also to underlie what I hope to accomplish this year.

Let's see how it goes for 2015. I've highlighted those goals which need to stay on top and which will take priority even when life gets too busy. It's holiday time at the moment so it's the perfect time for making a start. No excuses!!  

Goal: Running again!

Goal:  Exercise three times a week.

 

I’m running again and I’m running better than ever. Well, today marks the end of Week 2 of the Couch to 5k program. This week I’ve had to do cycles of 90 seconds running and 2 minutes walking. It’s been much easier this time around compared with my first attempt.

I embarked feebly on my second round of training. I figured that I would not achieve much so I set off and flippantly fancied I might manage 100 metres of running in total that day. Almost farcically I ran as slowly as I could knowing I hadn’t been exercising for a while. To my surprise, my terribly slow pace was comfortable and manageable. I didn’t need to cut anything short. I just focussed on jogging as slowly as I could. I made it right through the training session.

So Week 3 here I come.

Goals, Goals, Goals- January

It's 10.30 at night and the hot day is finally giving way to some cooler breezes. I think I can smell rain in the air.
I thought his evening I'd take a look at my January goals and start to look at what I'd like to achieve for February.

January Goals

WELL-BEING

Ride my bike.  I've begun and it felt great. Now I just have to make it a regular gig and hope that my legs can sustain the practice.  (ALSO GREEN)
Exercise 3X a week. Hmmm, getting there. After a good start I've found it hard to maintain the routine when it can be so hot and when I have young people in my care. I started back at yoga. I've walked and I've ridden my bike. Feels good!
TV Free Tuesday. Back into it for 2012. Feels weird but I couldn't help noticing how much I got done on those days without TV. Loads got done! I think I'm also starting to see myself as a more discerning viewer which is pleasing.  (ALSO GREEN)
Pamper myself for the holidays. Yes, I did. I had a pedicure and manicure and I dared to choose a very bold turqoise colour which is great for summer.
Go to the theatre (=go out). Well it was booked out at the time I wanted to go so I've booked it for February.

SAD
Listen, really listen!  I think I've done well but it's so much easier on holidays.

FOOD and HOME

Cooking. I tried three new recipes. I'm proud of my attempts but the results were disappointing. Edible. Just!
Building maintenance. I'm dealing with unfamiliar areas which means I delay and avoid, avoid and delay. Last week I called for quotes so let's see if I can make things happen for February.


I've enjoyed having time this month to focus on goals and organisation but I have noticed that as soon as other things come up my routine goes out the window.

February Goals

SAD GOALS

• Listen. Really listen. Major focus starting back at work this week. (Remember, it's not about me!  Ask questions.)

WELLBEING

• Exercise 3 X a week.
• Ride my bike at least once a week with a view to doing one shopping trip.
• Drink lots of water at home and at work.

PERSONAL

• Organisation: Try to carry over my good holiday habits into work time. No. 1 : Go over schedule each evening. Check, update, plan.   Maintain routines. Maintain my desk area as a command centre.

FOOD and HOME

• One new recipe this month.
• Try to bake once a week.
• Pursue maintenance goals.
• Maintain house cleaning routine.  Taken from  "The Organised Housewife", "Flylady" and "Becci's Domestic Bliss".

Most of these goals continue from last year. My major focus for February needs to be LISTENING  and DAILY SCHEDULE TIME. 


I had wanted to begin one cyber free day a week. I'm not sure that I can do it both for practical reasons and for reasons of personal weakness!!! But I do wander if there's not a way I can use the computer more effciently and reduce the wasteful time I spend on it. Something to think about this month.

My KikkiK D-I-Y calendar

How do you manage your internet usage? Any suggestions for using the computer more efficiently?