Priorities

The sun is out again. Hooray! It’s been so cold and wet so many days that I think I may have fallen into a trap of doing very little these last couple of weeks. It was just too miserable to get out of bed before 10 o’clock. As I look out the window, I've decided that a walk around the lake is definitely on today's list.

As I write, the Australian leadership is up in the air, is difficult to define and is something of an enigma. Or, at least, it seems that way. Really, all is well. I know of no fellow citizens whose lives are in turmoil because of the recent election and its yet-to-be-decided outcome. Procedures are in place. Final votes are being counted as is prescribed when there is no clear majority.

Like my life. I still have my job, my partner, family and friends. I still have my home. Hospital visits are part of my weekly routine. For now. Really, all is well and I have no difficulties. The usual procedures are in place. Not that I’m always following them. But they are there to pick up when I am ready.

Like the Australian government, life is operating a little differently for the moment.

I compiled a list of what is important to guide me through this time, to be used until life settles, to refer to when my mind wants to switch off. I formulated it at a time when I didn’t realise I was adjusting to all that was happening, when I had been feeling rather anxious. It had to be a simple list. A list of priorities.

1. Rest. Priority number one.
2. Reflect and relax. Do things which bring joy. Even if it is just for ten minutes. Take time out.
3. Drink water.
4. Eat well.
5. Exercise. Walk. Perhaps one day run.
6. Love and acceptance. Because sometimes my patience runs short and I need to know what to say, what to do, how to react in a split second when life is challenging.
7. Listen. I think this will be on all of my lists for ever and ever. I aspire to be a good listener. A reminder, too,  that life is is not all about me!
8. Do jobs. Sometimes I do not want to do the dishes. Sometimes I do not want to do my paid work. I need to keep my focus. I need to do some jobs.
9. Organise. I am absent-minded. Truly. I need to keep lists and write things down.

The hospital visits are important. I am no longer anxious as I approach all things medical. I am becoming comfortable with the hospital routine. It’s more my day-to-day routine at home and work which are often up in the air. Hence the list.

I sit in the waiting room and watch other people and I see that some of them are dealing with some heavy stuff. I get perspective on my own situation.

Like the Australian government, I know what the result will be. It will be OK. While things are a little unusual at the moment, they are sure to settle in the ensuing months, albeit with a few adjustments here and there. 

Navigating another pothole in the road

   Here I am, having not blogged for a while. I've been taking time off to deal with a medical issue that appeared out of nowhere. I'm still taking things easy as I recover. 
   When I was little I used to be scared of doctors and a myriad of other things. Throughout this very recent experience, I was surprised to see some of my childhood anxieties return. It was a very weird, dejavu-type feeling as I headed off to hospital last week. I felt like a four year old all over again.

   I was very fortunate to have family providing loads of support and I'm very grateful for friends who dropped in with flowers and homemade goodies. When family and friends have been sick I've usually been too busy to help out!! 
   Now there's some food for thought...

   My prognosis is very good. I know many people go to the doctor's and end up having to deal with much more than what I have come away with. 
   In the lead-up to the operation I found myself drawing on my anxiety-coping skills. It was good to know that having to learn those skills years ago has given me strength in other areas of my life many years later.    As I waited for test results I remembered to keep it very real. I kept in mind that this experience is part of the natural flow of life: ups and downs, challenges, joys, opportunities to learn and grow. I stayed focussed (OK, maybe not always) and I have learnt enough to know that I matter and it was OK for me to take time off from work (I have plenty of leave, so that was not a concern) and not feel guilty.  
   I guess you could say that I recognised it for what it was. Another pothole in the road of life.
   As I mentioned earlier there were times when anxiety did creep in. The little child in me lives again. As well, the post-operation time has been more difficult than expected. My arm has been sore and I've found everyday things challenging. Things like brushing my hair, picking things up off the floor, writing, having a shower and so on. I've been anxious about some of these smaller things more than the bigger issues.  

   On the bright side I am on the mend. I feel happy as some of the regular rhythms of life make a cautious return. Yesterday I made some sweet buns using a very simple recipe. It's been terribly dull here with winter rains and cold weather so it was a pleasant surprise to see pops of colour in the garden. I couldn't resist bringing some of that colour indoors when the sun came out yesterday afternoon. Last week I scheduled an afternoon to do a blog post. Just over a week later it's happening. 

As a friend explained the other night, you have to take care of your body and make sure it's OK. No matter how much I want to blog or organise the front room of our house, I'm learning that it can only happen if my body is ready. I think I'm still trying to accommodate this idea. How many wellbeing gurus cry out that power is all in the mind? I remember one yoga teacher once told our students that the mind is your strongest muscle.   I  thought that was rather profound and I wanted to display it in the classroom.

But over the last two weeks my body just wanted to sleep and rest...

Though I do believe that difficult times reap incredible growth and richness...

It's rather like going on a holiday to a first time destination .... great anticipation of the unknown... minus the sunglasses and photo snaps...And they speak a different language...

Mr S had a workmate over for lunch today. He got up early and cooked a small feast. I could hear him singing and joking around as he prepared curry pies, steamed buns, taro and corned beef. It was very plain to see - and hear- that he was in his element. He doesn't cook as often now because his nails are so bad and he's usually too tired from work. I think the last few weeks have been confusing for him as he grew up in a community where people did not articulate their health needs and concerns. Indeed, people in his community employ different but very natural-based methods and knowledge  when it comes to wellbeing. And as when one learns any new language (cf the language of hospitals and health practitioners and western science), it takes time to learn and accommodate new concepts and terminology.

It was very heartening to hear his joviality and see his brilliant smile filling the house all of this morning.

And to see that life goes on and good things continue to happen, no matter what!

FOCUS

There you have it. That's my word for 2015. 
FOCUS.
I didn't think I needed a word because I had clearly set-out goals. And, if I was going to have a word, then I was sure I would have one which would be inspiring and impressive. 
Reading all about other people's chosen words did get me thinking what mine would be if I did choose one. I wondered what phenomenal words would materialise if I let myself listen and be guided by what came to  mind.
Focus was the word that came to mind and the one that I rejected for its boring practicality.
Reflecting on my goals the other day, it occurred to me that one of the main things stopping me from achieving them are distractions like the television and the  computer. All too often, I procrastinate by engaging with the TV or internet. Or else, I try to do too many things at the one time.
So I know why focus needs to be my guiding word this year. I need to focus more closely on one goal or one task. Another way of thinking about it is less multi-tasking and more attention on one activity (uni-tasking!!). 
This word also relates to me in my day-to-day efforts to get along with others.  Being present when I'm with others is one of my main goals this year. It requires me to focus on the person and not let myself be distracted. It's a challenge but a worthwhile one. 
The other reason I'm happy to adopt a guiding word for 2015 is that it helps me when I am getting anxious around other people. It's short and easy to remember so in a moment of stress I can simply say the word to myself and recast my focus onto the person I'm with. In times of stress I don't want the hassle of trying to recall multi-staged reminders to help me regain my composure.

So there we have it... FOCUS. 

• doing one thing at a time
• being present to the other person and focussing closely on what he or she is saying
• a means to an effective way of working

Simple living Sunday: When I say simple what do I mean?

Finding a hidden treasure when decluttering this week.

I always have holidays at this time of the year so it's a great opportunity to evaluate where things are at in my life. Even though I'm fairly happy with where things are at in terms of my simple living goals I wanted to try to define what simple living means to me. I came up with the following:

making a conscious choice to live  mindfully, 

making choices that are people-friendly and earth-friendly 

and which enable life to be simple and uncomplicated. 

The last part could be an oxymoron as I can be intense at times especially when my inner chatterbox is in "anxiety mode" which is why simple and uncomplicated are important parts of the definition.

Simple and uncomplicated means that my life does not have to be determined by the media and marketing world. I can live my life free of advertising persuasions. It means that  shopping is intentional moreso than a way to pass time. At Christmas time I chose not to buy presents for friends. I know some people put a lot of time and thought into gift-giving but when I see the amount of things in my home I find I choose not to add to the clutter and, ultimately, landfill. I have plenty so I don't feel the need to gather more and I'm not sure that Christmas is meant to be about that sort of gift-giving. That's something which I hope to explore a little more come Christmas 2015!

Simple and uncomplicated - I'm learning- means that life's goals can be achieved just as well using the simplest of methods rather than resorting to expensive or complicated methods. Simple and uncomplicated is also where I find my life balance. Weeding the garden is one of my most enjoyable recreational activities. I find it therapeutic and I find it energises me.

Simple and uncomplicated means that I don't have chickens and sprawling vegie gardens and I don't make everything from scratch. One of my life purposes is to teach and to be present to those students and that requires time and energy. I'm happy to do that work so bringing chickens into the equation would not fit at all. There are weeks where the dishes don't get done so it's important for me to know what I can manage easily (=simple) and what would make life  unnecessarily stressful (= complicated). It means I do what I can when I can.

This week I've gotten into the swing of making sure simple living can happen in my home by decluttering the tubs and cupboards in one of the unused rooms. At one point I was quite dismayed to see the amount of stuff I had stacked away as I really do try to be careful about what I hold on to. Once I got past that stage it felt good knowing that I could focus on making way for a nice, inviting work and relaxation space. It's been very satisfying carting loads of stuff off to the local op shop but just a tad frustrating knowing I haven't yet finished. Stay focussed!!

It's time for these papers to go!

These tubs have been sorted. Just one cupboard to go...

Sunshine after days of rain

So on this windy, overcast Sunday, it's back to the grindstone. I want to make a vegetable lasagne for dinner,  I'll probably relax after that as I've been feeling tired lately and I don't have any pressing deadlines at the moment. The sun's coming out which is heartening as this  house is dark in summer when the light is low.

Have a good week.

Social Anxiety: A positive perspective

 

I think having SAD can sometimes be seen as a negative. However, I have to say that I like the quiet, more reserved members of our species. Just as we need outgoing, talkative people in this world, I find people who are reserved and less forthcoming have an air of mystery about them. I have not met anyone who has SA but I know a number of people who are worriers and who find being around people can make them highly anxious.  I find they have struggled during their lives and yet they forge on. It seems to me that people who have SA possess an inner fortitude.

SA seems to go hand in hand with struggle, stress and sensitivity but that doesn’t mean it comes without its good points. When I recognise someone who might have SA, I welcome the sensitivity they often bear. I know that person has any number of talents which will only be revealed when the time and space is right.  To me that is a good thing.  I don't want friendship that comes in a blaze of lights and fizzes away to nothing just as quickly as it came.

 

SA is difficult but like everything it has plenty of good things about it. Like the turtle and the hare, getting to know someone with SA is like the turtle: slow but steady!!

 

Embrace Social Anxiety today.

Happy SAD Tips

Tip: Employ a life coach for free!

The journey along the pot-holed road to happiness can be harrowing at times. I remember years ago, as a young teacher, trying to summon up courage and energy each day to face my eager students and the intimidating,  ever-confident, (so I believed) faces of  colleagues and parents. I was exhausted during those years and, of course, I didn't know why.

One day I came home feeling terribly uncomfortable. I had said something I regretted to a student. I was mortified and riddled with angst. What would the parents say? How would I face the principal over this? They'll tell other parents....    And that night the same thoughts went round and round and round in my head.

I can't remember how it came about but amidst that stress I realised something. My sister is cool, calm and collected. She is super organised and she knows what she is doing. She's the complete opposite of me. It struck me that  she would not be sitting at home worrying like me. Also a teacher, she would just move on after a difficult exchange. I could picture her and how she would react. I also knew she would tire quickly of my unrelenting thoughts which is why I never shared with her!

Somehow I began to see that I could "use" my sister as an instant gauge for indicating when I was overdoing the worrying. I could imagine what she would say and what she would do. She never knew it but there were many days when I would consider her when I needed a perspective different from my own.

Perhaps, like me, you can't employ a life coach to help keep your life on track. You might live by yourself and find it hard to ask others for advice.  So consider a person you respect and know well; someone who makes decisions easily. Use them as a gauge to help you get perspective. Ask yourself: How would  they react if they were in my situation?  


FYI : The next day at work no student, teacher or parent said anything about what I had said. Ever!