Priorities

The sun is out again. Hooray! It’s been so cold and wet so many days that I think I may have fallen into a trap of doing very little these last couple of weeks. It was just too miserable to get out of bed before 10 o’clock. As I look out the window, I've decided that a walk around the lake is definitely on today's list.

As I write, the Australian leadership is up in the air, is difficult to define and is something of an enigma. Or, at least, it seems that way. Really, all is well. I know of no fellow citizens whose lives are in turmoil because of the recent election and its yet-to-be-decided outcome. Procedures are in place. Final votes are being counted as is prescribed when there is no clear majority.

Like my life. I still have my job, my partner, family and friends. I still have my home. Hospital visits are part of my weekly routine. For now. Really, all is well and I have no difficulties. The usual procedures are in place. Not that I’m always following them. But they are there to pick up when I am ready.

Like the Australian government, life is operating a little differently for the moment.

I compiled a list of what is important to guide me through this time, to be used until life settles, to refer to when my mind wants to switch off. I formulated it at a time when I didn’t realise I was adjusting to all that was happening, when I had been feeling rather anxious. It had to be a simple list. A list of priorities.

1. Rest. Priority number one.
2. Reflect and relax. Do things which bring joy. Even if it is just for ten minutes. Take time out.
3. Drink water.
4. Eat well.
5. Exercise. Walk. Perhaps one day run.
6. Love and acceptance. Because sometimes my patience runs short and I need to know what to say, what to do, how to react in a split second when life is challenging.
7. Listen. I think this will be on all of my lists for ever and ever. I aspire to be a good listener. A reminder, too,  that life is is not all about me!
8. Do jobs. Sometimes I do not want to do the dishes. Sometimes I do not want to do my paid work. I need to keep my focus. I need to do some jobs.
9. Organise. I am absent-minded. Truly. I need to keep lists and write things down.

The hospital visits are important. I am no longer anxious as I approach all things medical. I am becoming comfortable with the hospital routine. It’s more my day-to-day routine at home and work which are often up in the air. Hence the list.

I sit in the waiting room and watch other people and I see that some of them are dealing with some heavy stuff. I get perspective on my own situation.

Like the Australian government, I know what the result will be. It will be OK. While things are a little unusual at the moment, they are sure to settle in the ensuing months, albeit with a few adjustments here and there. 

Let go a little.

I realised the other night that I only have a week and a half of holidays left. I love holidays and the opportunity to immerse myself in a lot of “me” time. I also welcome the chance to do things without having to rush around and without having school preparation hanging over me. In the past I’ve tended to do a number of things that make me feel – dare I say – like my life is worthwhile. I really like to live life to the full and make the most of my free time.

For example, after holidays two years ago I was rapt to be able to say that I had been to Sydney for a week and done some beautiful bushwalks. I had done a lot of exercise and felt great. Or, there was the annual holiday in years gone by where I caught up with my friend in the country and came away feeling truly rejuvenated each and every time. In fact, I used to find visiting her was like going on a wonderful spiritual retreat. Of course, there have been many holidays where I have read memorable books, cleaned the house from top to bottom (almost!) or done some craft …

When I realised the other night that the holidays would soon be over, I felt that I was just getting into it and I worried that I had not  achieved much. This got me to thinking that perhaps I still need to work on developing a greater appreciation of the simple and simply embrace what is.

When I was young I often did well at school. I grew up feeling that my academic achievements made me worthwhile. When I struggled with life as an adult, organising to do an Italian short course or challenging myself to go for a walk each day of the holidays motivated me and took my mind off being alone and feeling worthless.

I’m not sure if this is a social anxiety trait or just a “me” trait, but I tend to hold on to what was brilliant in the past e.g. that Italian course, that Sydney holiday, and keep it as the benchmark for every other holiday.

I think it's time once again to let go a little and appreciate where I am right now. In other words, my simple holiday holds as much value as any other holiday. Last year I hurt my back and I thought I had a good reason for staying home so much. Nevertheless, I need to let go of  expectations whether I've got a sore back or not.

I hold on very tightly when something great happens, and similarly when something difficult happens. I need to work on tempering my responses. I remember my second year of teaching was dream-like, amazing, unforgettable. In subsequent years that second year became my benchmark against which all my teaching was measured.  Not only have I thought that way about

work but also with many other things in my life.

This holiday is not Sydney 2014. It’s January, 2016! Realistically, I had two wonderful days in South Australia. I enjoyed a lovely long walk along the beach. And I finally got to ride my new bike. You know, with a little time to reflect, this holiday is full of much that is good. There is much to celebrate: big and small!

Sometimes, it just takes a little time to reflect and a change of perspective to appreciate what is happening. I need to remind myself that accomplishments are not the only means to achieving a worthwhile life.  I hope I can remember to be aware of holding onto past experiences which I set in concrete as the barometer for today’s experiences, at the expense of being open to what the present holds.

Another half-hour blog!

 Well, I write this blog as I begin my annual holidays. The weather is cool and refreshing after a scorching 41 degrees yesterday. I feel good. Rested. Relaxed.

Today I got my bike. Yes, finally, after a year of 'planning' to do it. I must say it is beautiful and I can't wait to go riding. We don't really have anywhere to park it. So for now it goes in the bathroom!

We had our Christmas gathering last night. It was lovely getting together with close friends. Mr S and I were busy beforehand preparing food. I can now add (successful) potato salad and gingernut log to my repertoire. I also made a rather bland gluten-free quiche using brown rice for the crust. It actually turned out well but just needed more seasoning. Everyone was in good spirits. They're an extremely gracious, caring bunch of friends. They live quite some distance away so, whilst we don't see them frequently, we really appreciate the time we do have together.

I enjoyed decorating the house. I must admit the Christmas tree is not done and our front rooms were out of bounds i.e. in a big, big mess. In the past I would have been embarrassed and critical of myself but it's good to see that with time I'm getting better at keeping things in perspective, and I'm not as hard on myself.

I don't like giving gifts where it seems to be unnecessary. I tend to be critical of those who want to give gifts to me, and also expect me to be delighted when I'm actually thinking of  clutter, landfill and simple living. I feel I have more than enough. I think my reasons are valid but I happened to read an article last week via Organising Queen that managed to alter my thinking.  It didn't change my values and principles but it helped me see how I might receive gifts more graciously from people who are gift-givers and helped me to appreciate their way of being/giving.

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My half-hour is up.

I look forward to my week of sleep-ins and rest. I look forward to watching TV or going online without having the burden of work preparation. I'm also wondering when  and where my first bike ride will be.

May your week be cheerful and to those preparing for Christmas, may you find Christmas spirit in what you do.

A lazy Sunday,

It's a crispy, cold Sunday morning but the sun is shining and deceivingly inviting. It's a lazy Sunday for us, but that's OK. 
I came down with another bad cold a couple of days ago so I am happy to take the time to recuperate. We're getting to the tail end of the term so holidays are just around the corner. Together with today's sunshine it's made me feel OK that I'm not doing a lot. I'm hoping that in a day or two I will be back to running around and getting more done. 

One of the highlights of the last week was making some invitations for a small party we're having next month. Of course, I didn't need to do them. A text would suffice but it was an opportunity to get creative, and so I did. In line with the vibe of the party, the design and materials were kept simple. I really want the focus to be about friends coming together. 
I found making the invitations quite relaxing. I think this was because, I had come up with a design that was so simple and the element of repetition meant I didn't have to overthink it. 
It also helped that all of the materials could be contained to one shoe box. I was able to work on the project over three nights without having to make a big mess and stress about cleaning it up each time.
The only downside was that I had wanted to keep costs down and I probably ended up paying a little more than necessary. When I got to the big supplies store there was very little choice available in the sort of paper that I wanted. In fact, had I done a trial run earlier I would probably have been able to adapt the design to materials I already had.
The photos I have do not show the final product. I ran out of the right-sized doilies but the idea is to wrap the invitation in a doiley and tie it with ribbon.

Again, I found that taking time to create was rewarding. I'm glad I listened to my gut feeling. Normally, parties and the like make me nervous. I really want to keep perspective on this event, keep it simple and ensure the occasion is warm and welcoming. I'm not a fancy cook but I am hoping to make it a lovely evening by focussing on what I can do rather than what I can't.
So back to my lazy Sunday. I'll put some washing on, check my weekly planner and tidy up a little. I've got  schoolwork to do and I'd like to declutter another spot in the front room-soon-to-be-office. 
I hope the sun shines your way today.

Navigating potholes in the road of life.

It seems that the last couple of months have been one pothole in the road after another.

Tonight a mechanic told me that my car is in no condition to be driven. Not even to the garage to be fixed.  Last week I took Mr S up to his new job in the country and the realisation hit that he needs a car to manage that job. Up until now he was happy taking public transport. All of a sudden a new car is on the must-do list and that certainly wasn't part of the plan for 2015.

Yet, we're both OK and as frazzled as I've been, at times, we're managing fine, which got me to thinking: "Why?"  Years ago, I would have cried, felt burdened and  been down on myself.

When I look back I can see that many of the challenges I encountered through the years have actually made it easier for me to deal with what I face now in my life.

I remember backpacking many years ago. I was terrified before I set off. At that time, my friends were married and settled while I was still navigating the hassle of life. However I so wanted to go travelling, nothing would stop me. I remember challenging myself to go into Target alone and not walk out straight away. I figured if I were going to travel the world I might need to practise walking around new places by myself.  That's right. As a young woman in my twenties, it was quite a challenge to go into a small, quiet department store and actually wander around.

So that particular day I did it, excruciating as it was. 

I ended up travelling the world for 11 months on my own.

That was the year I learned that dreams can come true. I came to realise that if you really want something you can find a way to do it. What I also know is that life may not be easy... but amazing things  can still happen one way or another. It helps to remember this when the going gets tough.

at the bus-stop

A few years ago I noticed I was getting really impatient, stressed and upset waiting in traffic. I eventually decided that I needed to tackle the problem instead of getting frustrated and upset. 

So these last few weeks, as I waited for buses that didn't come, I was  reminded that getting upset and stressing hurts no one but me.  I've learned that no amount of cursing will make that bus come any faster, nor will my anger allow me to find a better way of dealing with the situation.

I watched my dad die slowly. I've seen friends deal with infertility. I have students who don't have a parent. Over time, all of these personal encounters  have taught me how to keep things in perspective. 

Waiting at the bus stop might be an inconvenience but that doesn't mean my life is no longer abundant. It's a pothole in the road, and I  need to walk around it and get on with the journey.

I have to be honest. For me these lessons took a very long time and it's only with hindsight that I can see the value of those earlier life experiences.

So now, when I'm faced with a car that doesn't work and a partner whose job is far from home, I know that tears and self-deprecation are not effective coping strategies. The fact is life is really OK. I'm now extremely grateful that my life experiences have included inconveniences and experiences of hardship. I'm grateful that I faced them- even if begrudgingly- knowing that today I am better equipped than ever to navigate  those potholes in the road.

walking home

Travelling the pot-holed road to happiness: this week

country cemetery

Travelling the pot-holed road to happiness is how I used to view my journey with social anxiety and my seemingly endless quest to be free of the ever-present angst. I feel I've moved beyond that way of experiencing life but still find "the pot-holed road" a good way to describe life's unplanned ups and downs that are forever popping into our lives. I think the analogy is especially relevant for me because I'm constantly trying to plan out my life  in order to bring about a happy, productive state. 

Life has its own way of reminding me that it's really about celebrating the here and now and appreciating the pot-holes, as much as the highlights, along the way. This has been another week which has challenged me to put the list aside and embrace life as it is.

lovely centrepiece

My aunty died last week and we had the funeral yesterday. It was a lovely, country funeral and gathering. I got to catch up and talk at length to cousins I don't see so often, and I saw many faces from my childhood days when we used to visit my aunty's farm. Those faces brought back a lot of happy memories. My aunty was a good person who was a talented homemaker and community worker. She did a lot of  work behind the scenes: church cleaning, making cakes and baby booties for fundraisers but never expected recognition for it, rather she recognised the goodness in the doing of the work.

My car has been playing up. It cuts out as I drive along. Fortunately, each time it's happened, I've been able to get over safely to the side of the road without causing danger to anyone. It happened on Monday morning, on the way to school. So I decided to catch public transport until it's fixed (or until I make the decision that this car is really not worth fixing and I better get a new car). 

Going on public transport has taken up more time and energy than anticipated. I've come home tired and I get less work done before and after school. Twice I took the wrong bus and wasted time retracing my steps and getting back on the right bus. And, yes, I did learn to be more careful when boarding the bus. 

Again, life throws up the unexpected and shows me that it is wonderful and full of much in which to delight - whether I plan it or not. 

One of this week's unplanned delights happened as I travelled to work on the bus. A younger gentleman, a passenger, tapped me on the shoulder and asked "Are you Ms R? And you taught at XYZ School?" I immediately recognised as him as one of my ex-students.

Now, this is bound to happen when you live and work in the same area, or even state, but Vincent was my student at a school, thousands of miles away, twenty years ago. He was a student in one of my most memorable classes and I always thought how marvellous it would be to meet some of my ex-students from that time. Of course, it never happened, so twenty years on I was not only surprised, but absolutely delighted to see him. What was even more delightful was seeing that he was a such a charming gentleman, who only the day before had been chatting to the older man on the bus- just being friendly.  

And it all happened because I had to travel on the bus....because my car is causing such inconvenience...

not in the city now

Large family gatherings can be overwhelming and tiresome for me. My aunty's funeral was a lovely tribute to her and I thoroughly enjoyed watching everyone come together in celebration of her life. I did take a back seat in the hall but I was happy talking to people in the back stalls and comfortable to watch from afar. I've found going to school on the bus to be very calming and I've enjoyed saying hello to a few people I know in the community. That could not happen travelling in my car in the traffic.

This week was challenging but memorable in a beautiful way.

Living in the shadows: A quick message of encouragement.

One of my main reasons for blogging is to create a gentle awareness of social anxiety and  to encourage people to do something about it. A few days ago I came across some long-ago memories of my walk with social anxiety when I was cleaning out the shed.

Thoughts I had on social anxiety aged 31. Not knowing that "the shadows" had a name.

               Why do I feel as if I am standing in the shadows?
               I want to step out
               But there is no place for me

               In the shadows 
               I busy myself
              Caught up happily in life's demands
              Until again 
              The beauty of light flickers my way
              And I stop and look

              There is beauty in the shadows
              But the light is where life blooms.

That day in the shed I spent a long time flicking through pages and pages of those old diaries and letters. The letters brought back the most wonderful memories of  my first year backpacking alone and my later years working abroad.  However, the diaries were  a little more revealing. They showed, in detail, the struggle that was a part of my everyday life.

When I returned from working overseas my friends, who were by that time long-married, were having their first and second children.  I found it hard to reconnect with them. I was struggling to go out on weekends. I was struggling to find someone to share a coffee with. I wanted to go for walks but I was too embarrassed, too shy, too uncomfortable. I wanted to meet people but I found it so hard. I felt terribly lonely and my diaries show the first signs of cynicism entering my life during that time.

I don't feel that I am living in the shadows anymore. Sure, life is sometimes lonely and challenging. I see that now as a normal part of being human. I believe social anxiety will always be a part of my life but I try not to let it define me.  Nowadays, I have clocked up hundreds of walks by myself and this year I started to run by myself. (Needless to say, this did not happen overnight.)

But the change from struggling with life to engaging with life only came about when I started to go to counselling with a professional.

If you're familiar with this hidden struggle, I'd like to offer you a message of encouragement. Perhaps you would like to learn  how to step out from the shadows. I hope you get an opportunity in 2015 to  see a counsellor or psychologist, if you haven't already, so that you can begin the journey to a more light-filled  life.

Life doesn't always have to be about living in the shadows. 

DISCLAIMER:
I write this blog from a personal perspective.
I am not an expert nor a professional regarding the subject of social anxiety.
When I offer a definition of what social anxiety is, it may not be what the experts say it is. It is simply my interpretation of my experience of it.

Simple Living Sunday: Thoughts on being too busy

Sunday is here again and I’ve barely found time to put my fingers to the keys. I’ve had a young person staying for the weekend and so this afternoon I have to “rush” to make sure there’s enough time to attend to all the items on the to do list. 

I really enjoy working around the home and for me that includes a simple living approach which allows me to do what I need to do with care and thought, and with pride and appreciation for what I have.  And yet the current reality is that I barely have time to do these things at all. Next week I’ve got visitors as well so it’s going to be another week of squeezing in all that needs to be done.

When it gets to this point I find it helps if I keep in mind what must be done versus what can be done. Generally, the things I feel passionate about are those things which are not mandatory. So op shopping for fairy garden containers has to be put aside while I make sure the washing, meal planning and food shopping are done for the week.

Another thing that helps me stay centred is I try to recognise while these few weeks have turned out to be a busy time, it will not always be like this. Time will free up over the next couple of weeks. There will be time again soon for gardening, catching up with friends and other good things.
I spent many of my younger years looking forward to a grand life in the years ahead and missing what was right before me. I don’t want to fall back into the trap of dreaming about tomorrow when today has plenty of good to offer, even when life is terribly busy.

Rather than getting frazzled by the busyness I also need to remember who I am and what makes me tick. The introvert in me is always seeking "time out", time on my own, time to think, time to be.  If I can mange to get some "time out" I can recharge, even if just a little.

When I started this blog  a few years ago I wanted to write about simple living from my perspective, as someone who works full-time, lives in suburbia, lacks many skills, has several commitments and who therefore needs to find a simple “simple living” approach which is cost and time-effective. It was definitely "no chickens" simple living for me.
I also wanted to do all of this as someone who carried the challenges of social anxiety, got tired easily and who was still determined to forge ahead. People with SAd often see things that other people miss. The SAd  and introverted me wanted to share some of those observations and insights with the readers. I'm one of those people who believes that the world really is an amazing place.

This last week it’s really hit home how hard it is sometimes to squeeze in enough time to blog, look after the home, keep in touch with loved ones and simply “enjoy” what each day brings.  Yes, I am overambitious with what I want to achieve each week! And the sun and warmth only makes me want to do more.

So my simple aim today is to work out what needs to be done for the week, prepare a little more for school and do a little gardening to hearten my soul. I don't want to rush anything. I want to enjoy. I also want to find a minute or two where I can start to think about how I might refine my blog so that it is  more manageable while still being a reflection of who I am and where I am going in my life.

How do you prioritise when the to do list is overflowing?

Enjoy the rest of your Sunday.

 

Social Anxiety: A positive perspective

 

I think having SAD can sometimes be seen as a negative. However, I have to say that I like the quiet, more reserved members of our species. Just as we need outgoing, talkative people in this world, I find people who are reserved and less forthcoming have an air of mystery about them. I have not met anyone who has SA but I know a number of people who are worriers and who find being around people can make them highly anxious.  I find they have struggled during their lives and yet they forge on. It seems to me that people who have SA possess an inner fortitude.

SA seems to go hand in hand with struggle, stress and sensitivity but that doesn’t mean it comes without its good points. When I recognise someone who might have SA, I welcome the sensitivity they often bear. I know that person has any number of talents which will only be revealed when the time and space is right.  To me that is a good thing.  I don't want friendship that comes in a blaze of lights and fizzes away to nothing just as quickly as it came.

 

SA is difficult but like everything it has plenty of good things about it. Like the turtle and the hare, getting to know someone with SA is like the turtle: slow but steady!!

 

Embrace Social Anxiety today.

2011 and 2012: Moving past the obstacles.

Holidays!
After months of work and stress and worry, I can actually sit here, on this delightfully sunny day, look at the blog title and think: The pot holes don't worry me! Yet only a few days ago I felt I had been stepping in the pot-holes and getting caught. Certainly, for me, time and space enable me to centre and ground myself. And with the sun shining, hibiscus blooming and fingers on the keyboard, I can only feel positive about the lazy days ahead of me.

Since I broke up from work I've been trying to recover a more positive sense of who I am and where I'm at (keeping in mind the reality of  some of life's experiences that tend to draw me away from all of that).

OK. Step one: Focus on the positive. Even when the days are gloomy and hard work, there are things to be grateful for. This doesn't mean you have to ignore the difficulties. It means that you have to be careful that the negative is not the only side you look for. The postive is there if you care to look.

Now: Step two. Hmmmm.
Well, for me it's journalling but others may have another way of ensuring that you keep life in perspective, that your worries don't dominate your life and you remain aware of where you're at.
Interestingly I've found parts of this year were challenging and left me feeling rather flat about life. But during these months I was not journalling, I was not practising gratitude and I was not indulging in those activities that make me feel good about myself. 
Years ago, before I went to counselling and learnt about SAD, the one thing that really helped me clear my head of excess negativity was the journalling. I got the idea for spilling it all out from The Vein of Gold by Julia Cameron (She refers to Morning Pages rather than journalling). I find that when I journal I get my feelings out and I'm able to discern my mood. Almost naturally, I find myself wanting to end the journalling with a positive outlook. I tend to challenge myself to make the best of what I have in that moment. The journalling helps bring me back to the present and allows me to see whether my jottings are too negative or not.
The great thing about the journalling is that you can write anything. I am so honest when I journal. It's surprising how therapeutic it can be without even trying.

Summer is here.
Barwon Heads, Victoria