Let go a little.

I realised the other night that I only have a week and a half of holidays left. I love holidays and the opportunity to immerse myself in a lot of “me” time. I also welcome the chance to do things without having to rush around and without having school preparation hanging over me. In the past I’ve tended to do a number of things that make me feel – dare I say – like my life is worthwhile. I really like to live life to the full and make the most of my free time.

For example, after holidays two years ago I was rapt to be able to say that I had been to Sydney for a week and done some beautiful bushwalks. I had done a lot of exercise and felt great. Or, there was the annual holiday in years gone by where I caught up with my friend in the country and came away feeling truly rejuvenated each and every time. In fact, I used to find visiting her was like going on a wonderful spiritual retreat. Of course, there have been many holidays where I have read memorable books, cleaned the house from top to bottom (almost!) or done some craft …

When I realised the other night that the holidays would soon be over, I felt that I was just getting into it and I worried that I had not  achieved much. This got me to thinking that perhaps I still need to work on developing a greater appreciation of the simple and simply embrace what is.

When I was young I often did well at school. I grew up feeling that my academic achievements made me worthwhile. When I struggled with life as an adult, organising to do an Italian short course or challenging myself to go for a walk each day of the holidays motivated me and took my mind off being alone and feeling worthless.

I’m not sure if this is a social anxiety trait or just a “me” trait, but I tend to hold on to what was brilliant in the past e.g. that Italian course, that Sydney holiday, and keep it as the benchmark for every other holiday.

I think it's time once again to let go a little and appreciate where I am right now. In other words, my simple holiday holds as much value as any other holiday. Last year I hurt my back and I thought I had a good reason for staying home so much. Nevertheless, I need to let go of  expectations whether I've got a sore back or not.

I hold on very tightly when something great happens, and similarly when something difficult happens. I need to work on tempering my responses. I remember my second year of teaching was dream-like, amazing, unforgettable. In subsequent years that second year became my benchmark against which all my teaching was measured.  Not only have I thought that way about

work but also with many other things in my life.

This holiday is not Sydney 2014. It’s January, 2016! Realistically, I had two wonderful days in South Australia. I enjoyed a lovely long walk along the beach. And I finally got to ride my new bike. You know, with a little time to reflect, this holiday is full of much that is good. There is much to celebrate: big and small!

Sometimes, it just takes a little time to reflect and a change of perspective to appreciate what is happening. I need to remind myself that accomplishments are not the only means to achieving a worthwhile life.  I hope I can remember to be aware of holding onto past experiences which I set in concrete as the barometer for today’s experiences, at the expense of being open to what the present holds.