When I was little I used to be scared of doctors and a myriad of other things. Throughout this very recent experience, I was surprised to see some of my childhood anxieties return. It was a very weird, dejavu-type feeling as I headed off to hospital last week. I felt like a four year old all over again.
I was very fortunate to have family providing loads of support and I'm very grateful for friends who dropped in with flowers and homemade goodies. When family and friends have been sick I've usually been too busy to help out!!
Now there's some food for thought...
In the lead-up to the operation I found myself drawing on my anxiety-coping skills. It was good to know that having to learn those skills years ago has given me strength in other areas of my life many years later. As I waited for test results I remembered to keep it very real. I kept in mind that this experience is part of the natural flow of life: ups and downs, challenges, joys, opportunities to learn and grow. I stayed focussed (OK, maybe not always) and I have learnt enough to know that I matter and it was OK for me to take time off from work (I have plenty of leave, so that was not a concern) and not feel guilty.
I guess you could say that I recognised it for what it was. Another pothole in the road of life.
As I mentioned earlier there were times when anxiety did creep in. The little child in me lives again. As well, the post-operation time has been more difficult than expected. My arm has been sore and I've found everyday things challenging. Things like brushing my hair, picking things up off the floor, writing, having a shower and so on. I've been anxious about some of these smaller things more than the bigger issues.
On the bright side I am on the mend. I feel happy as some of the regular rhythms of life make a cautious return. Yesterday I made some sweet buns using a very simple recipe. It's been terribly dull here with winter rains and cold weather so it was a pleasant surprise to see pops of colour in the garden. I couldn't resist bringing some of that colour indoors when the sun came out yesterday afternoon. Last week I scheduled an afternoon to do a blog post. Just over a week later it's happening.
As a friend explained the other night, you have to take care of your body and make sure it's OK. No matter how much I want to blog or organise the front room of our house, I'm learning that it can only happen if my body is ready. I think I'm still trying to accommodate this idea. How many wellbeing gurus cry out that power is all in the mind? I remember one yoga teacher once told our students that the mind is your strongest muscle. I thought that was rather profound and I wanted to display it in the classroom.
But over the last two weeks my body just wanted to sleep and rest...
Though I do believe that difficult times reap incredible growth and richness...
It's rather like going on a holiday to a first time destination .... great anticipation of the unknown... minus the sunglasses and photo snaps...And they speak a different language...
Mr S had a workmate over for lunch today. He got up early and cooked a small feast. I could hear him singing and joking around as he prepared curry pies, steamed buns, taro and corned beef. It was very plain to see - and hear- that he was in his element. He doesn't cook as often now because his nails are so bad and he's usually too tired from work. I think the last few weeks have been confusing for him as he grew up in a community where people did not articulate their health needs and concerns. Indeed, people in his community employ different but very natural-based methods and knowledge when it comes to wellbeing. And as when one learns any new language (cf the language of hospitals and health practitioners and western science), it takes time to learn and accommodate new concepts and terminology.
It was very heartening to hear his joviality and see his brilliant smile filling the house all of this morning.
And to see that life goes on and good things continue to happen, no matter what!
