Taking time to reflect

My holidays are coming to an end and I'm glad to say I found a couple of hours to reflect. I have to admit sometimes I overplan!! So in the second week I reminded myself to let go a little, which meant planning less and enjoying more, allowing imperfection. And it helped a lot.

The second Tuesday of the holidays I got to stay at home.  I tidied up the house first thing that morning and then gave myself "time out" to stop and reflect a while. I knew if I left it to later in the day it might not happen so I made it a priority to do it before lunch.

I had already decided what I wanted to focus on. One of my goals this year - in fact, for many years - is to listen well. When I was younger I did this really well, probably because I was usually too anxious to speak! Anyway, nowadays I often find myself speaking over people. Sometimes I forget I am doing it while at other times I find it hard to stop. I had planned to use reflection time each week to focus on this sort of thing but it hasn't been happening. 

My aim on Tuesday morning was to brainstorm my thoughts on listening and draw out one aspect which I could display as a reminder each day. As I started to brainstorm, I felt compelled to note all that was good rather than thinking about listening. There was much that morning that was beautiful in my immediate surroundings. It was a warm, sunshiny day and Mr S and I had been doing some work in the garden. So I jotted some of those thoughts on paper. I was surprised my mind went that way when clearly the time was meant for reflecting on listening. I'm glad I allowed myself to be open to any random thoughts. In the end,  I still managed to come away with a few ideas for a small poster on listening.

There's a little girl who sits on top of a hill at some distance from the rest of the world. She contemplates life as she sits on that hill.  She often appears in my doodling and, as you can see, she made an appearance on Tuesday.

I remember reading a few years ago how much easier it is to be creative when you remove expectations ("Vein of Gold" by Julia Cameron ). Expectations to be the best. Expectations to impress. I'm no artist but I often procrastinate because I think too much about achieving a particular outcome. Really, it's important that I just take time to create and express my ideas. The final result is not so important and it helped to keep that in mind  the other morning.

 It was great to be able to take time out this week to think about things. It did take more than half an hour but there was certainly a pay-off as I felt nourished and motivated to move along with the rest of the day.  I think it also helped me to set a rhythm for this week: some time for working, some for the family, a little for friends, some for me, some for relaxing, and much to be enjoyed.

My word for 2016 is not a word

While I was working out my goals for 2016 I also gave some time to thinking about what my word for 2016 would be – if I were to choose one!

Last year my word was “focus”. Last year I found it hard to plan and follow through with goals reliably. Likewise, I found it hard to find the time to “focus” and to find ways to make that happen.

When I was thinking about what the word might be for this year, I contemplated what I wanted my life to look like in 2016. What was something I wanted to see that was not so evident in 2015?

The idea of being more spiritual is what came to mind. I  wanted to see gratitude playing a more important part in my life. I knew I needed time to reflect more regularly because that’s when I see possibilities and make sense out of what is happening in my life.

Reflect is what I needed to do. It is what I wanted to do. I believe it is what helps me live a better life. After all, I'm a born thinker/dreamer. 

I believe that “focus” didn’t happen enough because I didn’t plan for it. Or perhaps there was no space for it because I had too many other goals. I didn’t take time to reflect so I didn’t find a way to make it a priority in my life.

Reflection is what I want to see happening in my life. I want it to be a priority. However I don’t really see it as a word. I see it as a practice.

Now I need to work out when and where and how it can happen!! A gratitude journal, perhaps.  A scheduled time each week? Finding inspiration on the internet, in books, on TV? Time out. Alone time. Blog it?

I love coming up with ideas so I think the first step will be to brainstorm where, when and how I can reflect. Then I’ll look at what fits in with what’s happening in my life. I plan to keep it simple and achievable and to modify it as the year goes on. (So, that means I need to make an appointment with myself this week to do just that! Let's see what I come up with.)

Shift the focus

There's a lot I haven't done this week. I would love to wax lyrical about it all but, tempting as it is, I have decided to focus on what I did do this week.

I know that as someone with social anxiety I seem to have a natural bias towards the negative side of life experiences. My tendency is to worry, worry, worry and worry some more.
      "How was your party?"
      "It was good...the cake didn't turn out...I didn't get time to make the fabulous meat pie ....         I wanted to decorate the room a little but I was too busy...."
This would be my typical response to something which might actually have been enjoyed by all without any criticism. 

So here we go with a rundown of what I've done this week.  

I managed to have breakfast every morning before I left for work.
I managed to get to bed early one night.
I got the dishes done last night. I was about to walk away from the last few but, after thinking about it, determined it would pay to get them finished there and then.
I finished my reports.
I relished getting out in the garden last weekend, so much so that I'm going to try and include gardening time in this weekend.
I visited my mum.
I did yoga and it felt great. 
I  consulted my weekly planner several times and today I set up my work notebook so I get my to do list up and running again.
I bought myself new jeans and wore them this week.  
I started reading books again. Not electronic ones. Real paper ones. It was a totally delightful experience, and one I plan to continue.
I remembered to wear my glasses when watching TV. Much more enjoyable that way.

Sits above the sink while I do the dishes.

I found a beautiful use for something I was going to throw out...and what a superb-never to be beaten- incentive for getting those dished done!

It's too easy for me to slip into negative mode when life gets busy and stressful. It's important that I keep practising those habits that keep my SA in check. Just taking a few minutes to list "good things for this week" is enough to help me shift gear from negative to positive. Just a few minutes is enough to shift my focus. I feel better for it and the realisation makes me want to keep moving in the positive direction.  

Negativity is offputting to others and a drain on my own energy. Thinking about what works, what helps, what is good, is more lifegiving.  I just need to remember to stop and reflect from time to time so that I can keep track of how I'm going and to know when it's time to shift the focus and change gears again!

Me, Running and The Biggest Loser

This morning I put on my comfy, exercise clothes and went for a walk and a run. It was a lovely, sunny morning. It felt good to be running again, and I was glad to be getting back to my exercise goals.

During the week I got to thinking about this being my third attempt to run 5ks. I wondered if I would ever get there. I wondered if my body was trying to tell me that I had left it too late. I started last August and here we are in May. Gulp!!

along the running track

And yet, I knew deep inside that I wasn’t ready to give up.

Fortunately, I’ve never had tackle a weight problem but I used to watch The Biggest Loser in its early days and found it quite inspiring.  The contestants would be overwhelmed sometimes by the challenge of sticking to their program and overcoming hurdles. Even when they may have lost no kilos in a week they were expected to keep going. Some of them had battled weight issues for years and years.

I recall the coaches giving pep talks to the contestants and urging them to go on. As much as they had to take time out to reflect on what might be holding them back from achieving their goals, it was essential that they got back on track immediately.

I see parallels in embarking on a diet and exercise program and working towards my own personal goals. Much of the advice given by (creditable) weight loss gurus can be applied to other goals in life.

One of the key messages I’ve held on to is not to be put off when do we come up against hurdles that divert us from the goal. Yes, it happens. People "fall off the wagon"! But it's important to shift the focus on to what is going to help you move on rather than wasting time and energy on putting yourself down for what you haven't done. It is not just talking about what can be done at that point but actually getting up and doing something. 

 I try to keep all of this in mind when I think about starting over again with my running goal. Rather than thinking that I’ve failed completely I try to refocus and look for the next step in moving closer to reaching my goal. This is the philosophy that has kept me staying on track along the "pot-holed road"  in my running journey. 

This morning as I took baby steps running along the path, I pictured myself running 5ks around the neighbourhood, feeling fit and strong.  I’m not ready to give up yet and but I am eagerly looking forward to Monday and my next schedule walk-run.

Goals for April

My post labelled Goals for March is now Goals for April. Perhaps it would be more aptly named Goals for the Next Few Weeks, Reflecting on Goals for the Last Few Weeks.

These days I feel I'm getting back to a routine where I have more choice over what I can and can't do. My back's going well. My car's going well. Mr S's brother has gone back home. Holidays are over. I welcome the time  I now have to plan  and reflect.

Goals for March...and thereabouts

• I now drink more water. My drink bottle fits snuggly in its place near my seat in the car. It's spill-proof and easy to carry around.
• Getting up early. This worked well before the holidays. During the Easter break I continued to get up early to take Mr S to work. I've also been going to bed earlier. Hopefully I can keep up this new habit.
• Exercise. I've done a good deal of walking in the last couple of weeks and I have just started running again, that is for a few minutes. It certainly feels good.
• I'm really pleased I brought in time to create.  I'm still reaping the benefits and enjoying the simple changes I've made to the decor.
• Housework!! Ugh!!! I got Mr S's brother to vacuum once. Does that count as achieving the goal of one key job a week? I did clean the shower this past week. (My excuse is my back. It tires easily.)
• Reducing screen time/Increasing "focus" time. Overall I've been on the computer a lot lately. On a few occasions I've consciously chosen not to switch on the computer or TV. 
• Friday Bill Time going very well and keeping me on top of matters financial. 

Goals for April into May...looking ahead....

• Exercise. Walking and running three times a week.
• Drink more water.
• Get up early. Not easy now that it is dark and cold in the mornings. I am enticing myself with a chai latte this Thursday morning. I am not a morning person so I need to make it "pleasant".  Tomorrow morning I'd like to bake biscuits for Mr S to take back to work. Could be wishful thinking!
• No FB till Friday. 
• Listen mindfully. Need to do something concrete to make this a definite part of my life.
• Try, try, try to do one key cleaning job a week.
• Around the house. Take out house picture to frame and come up with the next concrete step. What do I need to fix it in place in the frame which is empty and waiting to be used?
• Invite a friend over and prepare something to eat, whether it's a snack or a meal.

 I think that's enough. If I can achieve some of these goals this week I will be happy indeed. It always helps when I have focus and time to reflect. I become more mindful of how I approach my whole life and I become more open and more aware of ways in which I can do this. So,  I'm hoping for continued, quality thinking time. Waking up earlier, my Friday evening routine and less screen time are definite ways I can achieve that. I also want to keep in mind one of my main goals which is to be healthy and that only comes about by working at it. With all these thoughts in mind I'm set and focussed for a productive week.

Need to create! Housework can wait!

Need to create...can't wait...don't hesitate....

I've been busy the last few months trying to focus on what needs to be done, instead of getting caught up in what I enjoy doing. I haven't done any craft for a long time but I've felt the need to create. I've been missing it. I really believe in making time for the soul but I've been  waiting for a free moment.

Something was telling me I needed to get back to it, whether I had time or not. I know my soul feels nourished after time spent doing what I love so I could justify choosing it even when there were many other things to do. I was also encouraged after reading organisingqueen.com who was challenging readers to make time to do something they love.

Last Friday night I began. My goal had been to make gift tags for some small, thank-you gifts for those who helped me out when my car wasn't working. I wanted to use up what was already in the craft box and it had to be easy to do in one sitting.

On Thursday night - in a reckless moment of time-wasting on Pinterest- I was inspired to do an Easter vignette.  It was clearly a sign that my expressive side was needing attention. Or perhaps just another indication of my wonderful procrastination skills. 

Tags or bunny? 

My main goal was to paint a bunny to frame for Easter. As I painted, there was no doubt in my mind that it was really soothing creating something beautiful from the gentle brushstrokes on the crisp, clean page. It was peaceful and therapeutic. I felt rested. There was focus as I found myself being in the moment, lost in the swirl of the soft, pastel colours. 

While the bunny silhouette dried, I decided to get on with the gift tags and leave the housework for the next day. I rummaged around for pretty paper and offcuts, and used the hanging loops I've been snipping off clothes for ribbon. I cut and glued, then threaded the ribbon through a hole at the top of the tag. The most difficult part was shaping the cardboard to look like a gift tag.

The next day I bought some eggs and two ceramic birds from the el cheapo shop. Back at home, I grabbed a few minutes of my cleaning time to arrange the Easter display in the lounge room. I didn't have any green material but came across a bright and cheery, green scarf when I was putting away my clothes (I did make time for some housework!!).

I had a wonderful time reconnecting with my creative side. A few days later I still feel good about it and I'm keen to get back home and experience some more domestic bliss, which is the opposite of how I had been feeling the weeks before. The experience has cemented even further how important I think it is to listen to your soul. I feel nourished and energised. 

I hope you have some time this week to do something you love.

Gratitude Part 1

Sleepy summer Pittwater, NSW

I'm needing a little boost today. It's holiday time which is when I usually find a comfortable momentum as I get into the gentle pace of domestic living. 
These holidays it's been different because Mr S is here. Now, that's been good. Last year he was living in the next state so that meant we could only see each other every couple of months. However, Mr S left his job and lifestyle over there to be with me here and he has yet to find work. We've been checking out jobs every day for the last two months and we've now extended the search to country areas (which means that he would be living away from home). As I sit down to search again it's hard to approach it without feeling down.
One of the key requirements of many jobs here is that you have your own car. Mr S doesn't. He's prepared to ride his bike but they don't accept that. There's no regard for the fact that he has been riding his bike to cold-call places for work. There's no regard for the fact that he travelled on foot to work for the last four years, two years of which required him to walk at 3 every morning.  If you haven't got a car you're crossed off the list. Mr S figures that there is no point in him getting a car and paying for driving lessons while he has no income. He's very proud and I need to respect that.
But he's a fantastic worker and someone one day soon is going to be very glad he's on their team...
Meanwhile I need a boost and one of the best ways I know to do that is to focus on what's been good in the last few days.
This is what I have come up with

• The front room is slowly getting sorted and I never thought it would happen so quickly.
• I did housework this week! It's been a while since I've had time to do a proper clean instead of a quick tidy-up.
• We've been eating zucchini from our own garden. There seem to be one or two to pick each week which is perfect timing.
• The grapes are ripening. This could be the first year I actually get to eat some, though I think they're probably a wine-making variety. I'm  not even sure how I will know when they are ready.
• Mr S had an interview in the country the other day, in central Victoria. We stopped at a beautiful, sleepy town that had a very old feel about it. We had time for a stroll up and down either side of its one street. It was so peaceful there.
• I'm slowly getting somewhere with the running. It's been a slow journey. It's taken a while and I'm still a couple of weeks off my goal. BUT, I'm almost there.
• I've had time to indulge in my passion for dream house programs on cable TV, and let me say that these are better than chocolate cake cf. "You Live In What" and "Escape to the Country".
• I have a "word" for the year and I've printed out my goals for the year. I've organised my own version of a household folder  that sits nicely in the newly-organised office.
• I had a beautiful walk the other night with Mr S. around the lake near our home. It's nice to be able to get out and enjoy the summer evenings.
• I think there's something to be said for "lulls" in life. I don't think life is meant to be smiling faces every second of the day. I'm a bit of an idealist so I need to be careful of aiming high and believing that life is only good when great things are happening.  With this in mind, I'm grateful for the space to realise this and to be able to challenge myself to embrace what is, as is, now.

Would you believe that I feel better? The weather is still miserable outside, considering it's summer, but changing my focus for a few minutes has helped  me think about something different. It's put me in the mood to be productive. It's now time to clean out a cupboard, clean the bathroom and go for a run. Time to put on some music and go get started.

FOCUS

There you have it. That's my word for 2015. 
FOCUS.
I didn't think I needed a word because I had clearly set-out goals. And, if I was going to have a word, then I was sure I would have one which would be inspiring and impressive. 
Reading all about other people's chosen words did get me thinking what mine would be if I did choose one. I wondered what phenomenal words would materialise if I let myself listen and be guided by what came to  mind.
Focus was the word that came to mind and the one that I rejected for its boring practicality.
Reflecting on my goals the other day, it occurred to me that one of the main things stopping me from achieving them are distractions like the television and the  computer. All too often, I procrastinate by engaging with the TV or internet. Or else, I try to do too many things at the one time.
So I know why focus needs to be my guiding word this year. I need to focus more closely on one goal or one task. Another way of thinking about it is less multi-tasking and more attention on one activity (uni-tasking!!). 
This word also relates to me in my day-to-day efforts to get along with others.  Being present when I'm with others is one of my main goals this year. It requires me to focus on the person and not let myself be distracted. It's a challenge but a worthwhile one. 
The other reason I'm happy to adopt a guiding word for 2015 is that it helps me when I am getting anxious around other people. It's short and easy to remember so in a moment of stress I can simply say the word to myself and recast my focus onto the person I'm with. In times of stress I don't want the hassle of trying to recall multi-staged reminders to help me regain my composure.

So there we have it... FOCUS. 

• doing one thing at a time
• being present to the other person and focussing closely on what he or she is saying
• a means to an effective way of working