Beneath the surface

One of the surprises blogging has brought me is the realisation that good things happen when not expected. Over the last few months of ill health I've been taking it easy, doing only what needed to be done. For a time when I sometimes did nothing more than watch TV, it is surprising how life rolls forward, more productive than ever. 

I think I knew that rich growth comes out of crisis but I don't think I appreciated how much life keeps giving us even during humdrum periods of nothingness.

A little like Spring.  After weeks of dreariness, unpleasant coldness and wintry neglect, Spring sees the most beautiful specimens appear out of nowhere. Colour, scent and beauty rise triumphant. 

Winter: seemingly dormant and yet significant work is happening beneath the surface. We just can't see it. We have to trust it is happening, if we recognise it at all.

I usually have a list of goals, or at the very least, a to-do list. But I didn't while I was sick, except for a few jottings here and there.  And surprisingly, I've managed to tick off a goal or two from my list.

I have managed to:

• stop taking sugar in my tea (a step towards healthier eating)
• start making 'rock cakes' ( eating healthier foods by cooking from scratch, less sugar than recipes for biscuits etc)
• cut back on time on the internet (certainly not always, but trying to be more intentional about using it of an evening)
• persevere with letting the colour grow out of my hair, though it looks like it'll take forever   (living greener and simpler)
• buy a couple of hats!  I only buy hats for the sun. I don't buy hats 'for fashion' but this time I was glad to have an excuse. I desperately needed something to hide the contrasting hair colours which, to be honest, is not so easy on the eye! I think the socially anxious me wanted to wear hats but was always too reluctant to take the plunge. 

So there you have it. Things that didn't happen when I was 'fighting fit' and life was 'normal'. Theses are  the obvious things. What's exciting is that a lot more has probably happened beneath the surface. It's just that I don't realise it!

Priorities

The sun is out again. Hooray! It’s been so cold and wet so many days that I think I may have fallen into a trap of doing very little these last couple of weeks. It was just too miserable to get out of bed before 10 o’clock. As I look out the window, I've decided that a walk around the lake is definitely on today's list.

As I write, the Australian leadership is up in the air, is difficult to define and is something of an enigma. Or, at least, it seems that way. Really, all is well. I know of no fellow citizens whose lives are in turmoil because of the recent election and its yet-to-be-decided outcome. Procedures are in place. Final votes are being counted as is prescribed when there is no clear majority.

Like my life. I still have my job, my partner, family and friends. I still have my home. Hospital visits are part of my weekly routine. For now. Really, all is well and I have no difficulties. The usual procedures are in place. Not that I’m always following them. But they are there to pick up when I am ready.

Like the Australian government, life is operating a little differently for the moment.

I compiled a list of what is important to guide me through this time, to be used until life settles, to refer to when my mind wants to switch off. I formulated it at a time when I didn’t realise I was adjusting to all that was happening, when I had been feeling rather anxious. It had to be a simple list. A list of priorities.

1. Rest. Priority number one.
2. Reflect and relax. Do things which bring joy. Even if it is just for ten minutes. Take time out.
3. Drink water.
4. Eat well.
5. Exercise. Walk. Perhaps one day run.
6. Love and acceptance. Because sometimes my patience runs short and I need to know what to say, what to do, how to react in a split second when life is challenging.
7. Listen. I think this will be on all of my lists for ever and ever. I aspire to be a good listener. A reminder, too,  that life is is not all about me!
8. Do jobs. Sometimes I do not want to do the dishes. Sometimes I do not want to do my paid work. I need to keep my focus. I need to do some jobs.
9. Organise. I am absent-minded. Truly. I need to keep lists and write things down.

The hospital visits are important. I am no longer anxious as I approach all things medical. I am becoming comfortable with the hospital routine. It’s more my day-to-day routine at home and work which are often up in the air. Hence the list.

I sit in the waiting room and watch other people and I see that some of them are dealing with some heavy stuff. I get perspective on my own situation.

Like the Australian government, I know what the result will be. It will be OK. While things are a little unusual at the moment, they are sure to settle in the ensuing months, albeit with a few adjustments here and there. 

Goals for May

I thought I'd take some time to look at my goals for this month. I pencil it into a note book but I thought I'd also think aloud here on this page.

Last month:

• Plan each week: too tired some Fridays, it's then hard to find another time to do it, not menu planning some weeks also meant extra trips to the shops. Weekday lunches are going extremely well. I average three times a week so that's a definite improvement on the last few years. Less screen time - less TV time, yes (well done :) ) , less computer time, NO!
• Exercise three times a week - NO, Not happening! Well, I did jog once a week but on the weekend it was too cold and wet. Oh, and I did buy new runners which are much more comfortable.
• Reflect - I'm happy because it's on my radar. See Create. Yet to find a definite time where this can happen.
• Create - I did print out one inspirational quote one morning.
• House - Yes!  I've been doing little jobs here and there which has made it easier to keep the house tidy. I finally got rid of the children's desk in the front room and have now replaced it with an op shop find that I love! 

• Garden - Yes! With the help of Mr S we have refreshed the garden. 
• Be social - Yes! Mr S made some buns and we visited family members. It was a good 'excuse' to call on people. Both Mr S and I find it hard to impose ourselves on people so sometimes we need a 'cover'. It can be quite hard for very shy people to initiate social interaction, which is all the more reason why I need to keep working on this goal.
  

Looking ahead: I've underlined things to take note of. 

• Planning - Keep this for Friday nights. This month I think a good shopping list is my goal. 
• Exercise three times a week - I really want this to be part of my lifestyle so it stays on the list. I think I might need to change mealtimes to accommodate midweek exercise. 
• Reflecting 
• Creating - Do I have time for this? 
• Around the house - If I do the dishes at night then I have time in the  morning for house work and other tasks, even for reflection. I've got a good work schedule this term so I might look into making a 'reflection' time before work. Monday or Tuesday mornings could be a good time to reflect. Could tie it in with a chai latte!  
• Around the house 2 - Hang up pictures... yes, I know it never happens, but I will attempt to do one picture this month. If I blogged it that might help?? I also want to declutter the clutter in the study. Ten minutes at a time rather than always jumping onto the computer.
• Garden - finish putting mulch down, a quick tidy here and there each week, help Mr S with the vegetable garden
• Be Social - invite friends M and B over for dinner, as soon as Mother's Day is over.

I prepared this post a couple of weeks ago. Both Mr S and I have not been well but we are finally on the mend.  It's another reminder to me that goals are not the true baseline in my life. I am learning to tune in to what is happening around me and to be in the present moment. Nevertheless, good goals are good guidelines and do help me stay focussed and organised, and keep my life intentional.
I have started decluttering the front room, ten minutes here and there. I'm now off to do the shopping with a carefully thought out shopping list. I'm determined to get back to exercise so I've 'scheduled' a walk after my shopping. My social anxiety tendencies are saying "Avoid! Avoid! There'll be too many people around on this lovely morning" but my logical mind is telling me to be strong and to shift my thoughts over to what I really want to do. So, have a lovely Sunday. I'm off to shop and walk!!

Goal checking

Mr S and I are spending a quiet Sunday at home. My energy levels have been low for a couple of weeks so I've been trying to avoid doing too much. Meanwhile, Mr S is keeping life simple as he works pretty hard during the week and needs to catch up on rest on the weekends. Hence, a very quiet Sunday for us.
It's fair to say that in the last week life has been more about doing what we can and letting the rest go. The idealist in me wrestles with that, though by now I know that I have to let nature prevail. It's very humbling and I must say, it certainly has helped me shake off my perfectionist tendencies.
I thought I'd make the most of this time now to do a quick review of my goals. This month has been busier than usual with several social appointments  so I need to keep the goals manageable. 
I'm pretty happy with how things are going. The early morning routine - on account of Mr S's work - means I get a lot done of a morning. I've hashtagged the goals which I have managed to work on and I've underlined the goals which I think I can get to in the next few weeks . 
I think at this stage I need to consolidate what I've started. If possible, I want to find an effective way to reduce screen time. If I can reduce screen time it might give me time to do some art work or read a book. Hmmm!!

GOALS 2016

Organisation

• Use Friday night to pay bills, menu plan and organise weekend and week ahead.  ##
• Wake up early. Do small jobs before and after work. ##
• Make lunch three times a week. ##
• Reduce screen time. Make screen time more intentional. Before going back to work, I did keep the TV off till evenings which was a great effort for me.## 

Health

• Drink lots of water daily.##
• Eat food made from scratch. ##
• Exercise three times a week. ## In the holidays it was easier.(Must include yoga as a way to maintain back care. Run twice a week.  Ride once a week.)  I start yoga next week!

House

• Do one cleaning job a week. (Usually does not happen. Think about how it could happen!) OK...happened twice because people were coming over!!
• Get broken window handles fixed.
• Finish setting up front room. Getting there. Just need to get rid of the rubbish and an old desk.
• Hang up pictures.

Me

• Take time regularly to indulge, relax, enjoy: read a book, create/paint, work on my family tree, visit the countryside/beach: Sitting outside of an evening, time to reflect
• Learn something new: possibly sewing or making soap
• Find a regular time each week to reflect. ##
• Go to a talk or a play (x2).
• Invite friends over or out once a month:  Keep practising those social skills which are too easy for me to overlook.    

In summary:

Organisation: very good, big improvement from 2015

Health: very good start to the year, can I keep it going?

House: The house is looking good :) :) but I really need to get on to some of those jobs that need doing but just don't get done!!!!

Me: A nice start to the year

        

Goals for 2016

Driving over to South Australia the other day gave me plenty of time to think about my goals and where I want to go in 2016.

I had to accept that 2016 was the year I did not tick off as many goals as expected. Yet, upon reflection I realise there were good reasons for this.

I did not have as much free time as in the past. My role at work changed and it took me much longer to prepare lessons. I tried hard to do more exercise throughout the year and that meant less time for other goals.  There were times when I just did not have the energy and I simply had to put “life” on hold. 

So this year I’ve aimed to be more practical and more realistic about setting my goals.

I see my goals falling into four areas:

1.       Organisation: I’m not a natural organiser. I can be quite absent-minded at times. I need to plan so that I can manage what comes up each week. I need to ensure I stay on top of things, as far as possible.

2.       Health: I want to be healthy now in order to be healthy in the future. I need to be healthy now in order to have a fulfilling life. Ultimately, being healthy means feeling good.

3.       House: I want a comfortable, welcoming home. The tendency is to put house maintenance on the backburner while I focus on a myriad of other things. I don’t want my house to fall apart and I don’t want the mess to pile up so that my weekends are spent  tidying up.

4.       Me: I strongly believe in “me” time, possibly because I’m an introvert and I know that I function well when I get “me” time. Organisation helps me manage what comes up each week, but at another level, reflection and ‘time out’ are what help me manage my emotions and my inner life.

GOALS

Organisation

• Use Friday night to pay bills, menu plan and organise weekend and week ahead.
• Wake up early. Do small jobs before and after work.
• Make lunch three times a week.
• Reduce screen time. Make screen time more intentional.

Health

• Drink lots of water daily.
• Eat food made from scratch.
• Exercise three times a week.  (Must include yoga as a way to maintain back care. Run twice a week.  Ride once a week.)

House

• Do one cleaning job a week. (Usually does not happen. Think about how it could happen!)
• Get broken window handles fixed.
• Finish setting up front room.
• Hang up pictures.

Me

• Take time regularly to indulge, relax, enjoy: read a book, create/paint, work on my family tree, visit the countryside/beach
• Learn something new: possibly sewing or making soap
• Find a regular time each week to reflect.
• Go to a talk or a play (x2).
• Invite friends over or out once a month:  Keep practising those social skills which are too easy for me to overlook.

I have not included goals which are an established part of my routine.

I have included goals from 2015 which were not accomplished  or still need to be worked on.

I actually feel very good about my list for 2016. Being an idealist, I'm not usually so practical.  I've got to say that it feels achievable and it allows plenty of room to add goals should the opportunities arise. I do have a wish list of things I would love to do. It includes things like buying a new couch and rug for the living room, buying a decorative name plaque to put at the front door and having a weekend away. My practical mind can see that if I achieve what's on the goal list, life will be pretty good, even if the wish list does not materialise!

Goals: Reading a book

One of the small delights in recent months has been getting back to reading books. Back in January I had made a list of goals for the year but reading a book was one of the more indulgent goals and one I didn’t think I would get to.

Well, I’m here now to say that I have got to it and I enjoy every moment. I must say that I have not read lots of books. In fact, I’ve only read three. I loved going back to China one hundred years ago when reading Keys to the Kingdom, by A J Cronin, with that delectable feeling of being carried away to a faraway land. Sheer delight!! I’m now reading End the Struggle and Dance with Life by Susan Jeffers. It’s my bible. It helped me get out of an enormous rut years ago and has helped me immeasurably dealing with social anxiety in my day-to-day life. I also read Herman Hesse's Siddhartha which was so easy to read and got me thinking about my own spiritual journey.

I don’t necessarily get to read a lot each week. I just try to grab a spare moment to get through a few pages.

It’s interesting how life’s little happenings conspire to bring about something bigger and better.

"I realised I would like to read again when I was decluttering  books on the bookshelf. I only keep books that resonate with me and my life and that still speak to me after years of sitting on the shelf and not being read. I decided that it would be great to read those books again.

"I have started picking up Mr S on the way home from work. It usually takes him more than two hours to get home. This means waiting at the train station, sometimes longer than expected. And there we have it – the perfect opportunity to get another chapter read!!

"One of my goals for 2015 was to reduce screen time. I have made (tiny, tiny) inroads towards that and reading is one of those ways.

So, I look forward to more book reading (you know, not the digital kind) and I can’t wait to get through my current one and experience the joy of selecting the next one.

Goals for the next six months

I haven't blogged for a couple of  weeks as I have some commitments at the moment that take up my time. I will do my best to post something when I can. Ironically working on my goals is taking up my blogging time this weekend.  As part of my aim to be more proactive on the social front, I was busy today and yesterday preparing food from scratch for a couple of friends who came for afternoon tea.

My Goals For The Next Six Months - now the next four and a half months!
I am mindful that goal-keeping can become a purpose in itself. 

I have realised two things this year. One: life is so much more than my list of goals. In my desire to achieve goals and cross them off my list I do not want to lose sight of what stands before me: family, relationships, friendships, love. 

Two: As much as life will make sure I don't look at life only by way of my goals, striving to achieve goals actually motivates me and helps order my naturally disorganised mind. Setting goals gives me focus and structure and a welcome sense of achievement. 

So, for the latter part of this year, I set my goals, keeping in mind that life will weave its way through life's best-laid plans and I want to be open to what that means. I want to stay true to my values and live the best life I can, given what I have before me on any given day. 

For the remaining part of the year...

I would love to

·         Read a book regularly

·         Run three times a week and complete a mini-mini--marathon 

·         Wake up early and prepare for work without the last minute rush (looking to summer)

·         Hang pictures on the wall

·         Buy a bike and ride once a week

·         Catch up with friends/invite friends over outside the more formal occasions of birthdays and so forth

·         Take time to reflect, be inspired…show gratitude

·         Create

·         Get back to gardening

       Take a holiday or two

I want to work on

·         Decluttering and setting up the front room (to completion)

·         Keeping the house tidy, welcoming and comfortable

·         Making a new dish each month
       Planning my week

       Listening attentively
       Preparing a simply, lovely Christmas

I want to be

·         Intentional and focussed

·         Open to life as it presents each day

·         True to my values and principles

I want to live simply and mindfully.

Midyear Goal Review

It's time to take stock of where I am at as far as my goals go. I love working on my goals even though it's been harder this year to keep track of them. Nevertheless the wheels of life keep turning and I find that I'm still moving along and surprising myself with what I have achieved. 

So these are the goals that have worked.

• HOUSE: It’s been a goal for three or so years but I finally got a hall runner. It’s a little short but it’s beautiful.
• HEALTH: Drinking more water. Currently slack but overall this year has been a big improvement.
• Being social: Well, I’ve done it twice and am about to set about organising an outing for August.
• Waking up early: Surprisingly working very well. Awake early. Breakfast every day. Almost. For winter that might have to do!
• Save pennies: To be honest I mostly achieve this because my partner has frugal habits and I am often too busy to waste my time buying things that are not necessary.

These are the goals that have partially worked.

•  HOUSE: Hanging pictures up:I framed a friend’s watercolour painting. It’s not hanging yet. I did ask someone to help me and they said yes but …I think they’ve forgotten. My SA self does not like bothering people but I think  know I will have to ask him again.
• Reducing screen time. Some times are better than other times. I have started reading paper books again which means I’m not on my laptop as much. I don’t automatically go on fb. I sometimes stop and think twice before spending unlimited time surfing the net.
• HEALTH: Exercise: currently once a week yoga. I really want to get to three times a week with running/riding/walking/yoga.
•  Exercising gratitude and taking time to reflect: it’s happened here and there but I want to make it more regular. Something once a week would be good.
• Planning time (banking etc): Taking time on Fridays to plan and do paper and online housekeeping has worked fairly well, except that in the last few months I’ve moved away from my weekly planner at home and at school. I’m now making this a priority.

These are the goals that were not officially set but are still part of my thinking.

•           I wanted to set up the front room as a snug/office and then have the other small room as a guest bedroom. In order to do this I had to declutter and rearrange furniture and storage. I have started decluttering photos and it’s been easier than expected. I decluttered tubs of stuff earlier this year. In May I decluttered another tub of things, including clothes and books, which is ready to donate to the op shop. Last week I decluttered another lot of things, including unused shampoo and photos. The  front room is on its way. It’s been cleared of “extra” stuff so it’s beginning to look and feel welcoming.
•      My first e-bay purchase!! The hall runner. At the same time I also ordered some skin products online that I badly needed and had been doing without for more than a year. I don’t always have time to go shopping far from home and finally made the decision to try online. It worked very well. And this does go towards me saving pennies as it cost less than half of what it would have cost at full price.
•       I started reading books again. Yes. I’m onto my second book and I’m choosing books from my bookshelves that I haven’t read for years. Nostalgic and very rewarding.
•      Getting creative: painted and framed a picture for Easter,  then made invitations for my birthday, thank you notes

These goals are not happening. Yet.

·         Make a fairy garden

·         Get a bike: I wanted to wait till Mr S and I could do this together. We got a good secondhand one from a friend last month so now I can start looking at getting one for myself.

·         Sewing

·         Plan a simple Christmas: Quite simply, it’s not time yet!

Mr S and I have had an everchanging routine so it’s been hard to plan for and work on my goals, at times. The cold weather also seems to encroach upon my motivation to get things done. It’s been satisfying to get to goals I didn’t think would happen, like reading a book, decluttering the front room, and getting creative.  In my next post I hope to outline my goals for the next couple of months. I’m hoping that with more attention to planning I can make my key goals happen.

June Goal Shooting

It's report time here so not as much time for blogging. Mr S is away at the moment visiting family. His father is 85 years old so it's important that he makes some time for him.

I haven't managed to get out in the garden for a long time but I got a lovely surprise last week when I collected the mail and found some very sweet flowers ready to bloom. It's cold and grey and miserable here as winter sets in, so the surprise was most welcome.

I noticed recently that I'm making progress with some goals and farther away than ever from other goals. It puzzled me until I realised that making a change to routine has taken much more time than getting out in the garden and doing some work. Getting up early requires me to make a mammoth effort every morning. Working in the garden can be a one-off session. It doesn't matter if I don't do it every day and I walk away from it feeling I've achieved something.

The early morning wake-up has also taught me that I can be overly ambitious at times. Taking one small, doable step at a time is a surer way to make progress.

Last week I posted my weekend goals here and it helped a lot to refine what I could do and what I needed to do. So I'm going to try the same thing with my June goals.

June....

• walk and run twice a week (change schedule because the current one is not working, except for the yoga class I've started)
• call my brother and ask him to hang up  the hooks, the shelves and the two pictures that are ready to go (he said yes)
• wake early, eat breakfast and  take a step towards getting lunch ready (prepare breakfast the night before,  go to sleep earlier)
• declutter and organise front "study" so that it is cosy and inviting with room to work and rest
• organise time to spend time with friends just for the fun of it 
• reduce screen time/use screen time effectively (yesterday I challenged myself to "do things" for an hour and then turn the TV on, which worked nicely)
• get back to gardening - half an hour over the weekend (pot the lemongrass and quickly plant the tulips)
• make sure I check my planner each night, focus, know what I am doing, get back to my "to do" list for work (I've started and it's already helping)
• buy hall runner (two years now it's been on the list and this is the month when it will happen)
• keep my goal list short (?), keep in mind my bigger list of goals for 2015 so that when possible I don't lose sight of them, review as well
• and what about some craft?

Reports are due this coming week. Mr S will be back soon. Life is good. My kiddliwinks at school are delightful. And we've got  a long weekend!!!
Have a good weekend everyone!

Trying very hard.... to wake up early

 
     It must be over six months now that I have been trying very hard to wake up early when I go to work .... after 30 years of getting up at the last minute. 

    I have to be honest and say that the last three weeks have been tough. In the morning it's so cold and dark when I wake up that I actually started pushing the snooze button and turning over to get a bit more sleep.  I was clearly stepping into dangerous territory. Around 7.20 I would begrudgingly get up and scramble to pack a quick  breakfast. Some mornings I wouldn't get as far as packing breakfast.

    I realised I needed to apply drastic measures to counteract my downward spiral from what had started as a grand and almighty  attempt at waking up earlier each day.

    A few weeks later and this is what I have done to turn things around and make the "waking up early" experience possible once again.
   
    I turn on the bedside lamp as soon as the alarm goes off and then turn on the heating... then I run and hop back into bed! Both of these serve to disguise the cold and dark and help me take my mind off what it's really like  outside.

    I decided it would also be easier if I tried to add incentives.  I like listening to the radio in the morning so I've combined that with having my breakfast (in bed, I might add!). After the house has warmed up and my eyes are ready to open I get up and prepare a quick and healthy breakfast. 

    I love my chai latte on Thursdays before work. It's become a habit. Having a very appealing incentive has been a real help to getting out of bed on a cold, miserable morning.

    The other thing I've done is keep it real. As much as I would dearly love to accomplish great things in the morning I could see my goal of waking up early was getting away from me. There's no denying I find it really hard some mornings. So I needed to stop expecting to accomplish 5 new things in the morning when I was struggling to do one. I decided to reduce my expectations and prioritise. At the moment, breakfast is the main goal.

I'm very proud of what I've achieved thus far. I certainly haven't conquered the mornings. However, I've been very surprised to see that  I've actually managed to get up early every morning and have breakfast at home. One factor that makes waking up so hard is not getting  to sleep early enough. Perhaps that will need to be the next step in strengthening my morning routine. I'm also hoping to find myself some more "appealing incentives" for the mornings. Those goals will need to be simple and sweet which sounds good to me.  Who knows what I might achieve by the end of 2015!
    
    
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Me, Running and The Biggest Loser

This morning I put on my comfy, exercise clothes and went for a walk and a run. It was a lovely, sunny morning. It felt good to be running again, and I was glad to be getting back to my exercise goals.

During the week I got to thinking about this being my third attempt to run 5ks. I wondered if I would ever get there. I wondered if my body was trying to tell me that I had left it too late. I started last August and here we are in May. Gulp!!

along the running track

And yet, I knew deep inside that I wasn’t ready to give up.

Fortunately, I’ve never had tackle a weight problem but I used to watch The Biggest Loser in its early days and found it quite inspiring.  The contestants would be overwhelmed sometimes by the challenge of sticking to their program and overcoming hurdles. Even when they may have lost no kilos in a week they were expected to keep going. Some of them had battled weight issues for years and years.

I recall the coaches giving pep talks to the contestants and urging them to go on. As much as they had to take time out to reflect on what might be holding them back from achieving their goals, it was essential that they got back on track immediately.

I see parallels in embarking on a diet and exercise program and working towards my own personal goals. Much of the advice given by (creditable) weight loss gurus can be applied to other goals in life.

One of the key messages I’ve held on to is not to be put off when do we come up against hurdles that divert us from the goal. Yes, it happens. People "fall off the wagon"! But it's important to shift the focus on to what is going to help you move on rather than wasting time and energy on putting yourself down for what you haven't done. It is not just talking about what can be done at that point but actually getting up and doing something. 

 I try to keep all of this in mind when I think about starting over again with my running goal. Rather than thinking that I’ve failed completely I try to refocus and look for the next step in moving closer to reaching my goal. This is the philosophy that has kept me staying on track along the "pot-holed road"  in my running journey. 

This morning as I took baby steps running along the path, I pictured myself running 5ks around the neighbourhood, feeling fit and strong.  I’m not ready to give up yet and but I am eagerly looking forward to Monday and my next schedule walk-run.

Lately

I'm ready to get back into the swing of things after feeling a little under the weather over the last couple of weeks. It's nice to feel the energy of possibility again after needing to put everything on pause. I've been easing my way back into busyness though I always feel the tendency to want to run around and catch up on everything I had put on hold. Somehow or other, life goes on, regardless of what I have and haven't done. 

   I managed to go for a walk around the neighbourhood so it was good to get out into the fresh air. I really enjoyed working with Mr S these last couple of weeks. Our schedules mean that we often do housework at very different times but lately our "free" time has overlapped. It's been really nice to see how easy it can be to get the house clean and comfortable when there are two pairs of hands.

   I noticed lately I haven't been keeping a list of what I need to do so that might be top of my "to do" list tonight. It feels like "Take Two" with my goals but I'm ready to prepare for the week and make the most of it. I think having breakfast before I go to work will need to be my priority this week. 
   I had a lovely lunch with a good friend this afternoon. She took the risk of inviting another friend over and I'm so glad she did. I'm not sure whether it's an introvert thing or a social anxiety thing but I noticed we can sometimes get almost territorial about our time with a friend, hoping no one else comes in on it and spoils our special time. I think it's because we treasure the opportunity to connect meaningfully and know that such opportunities are extremely rare. 
    Friend G had invited Ms C to our afternoon gathering and what a delight it was. She was a lovely person. Sweet, mature, intelligent, engaging.  When Friend G confided that Ms C has only been living in this state for the last four years and has never experienced such loneliness in her life, I felt humbled. I was so glad we had been open to including her rather than limiting ourselves. 
   It also made me think about my goal to invite others over to our house once a month. For one, it reminded me how important it is to reach out to others and put our own needs aside for a while. However, it also reminded me that I have yet to actually invite anyone over and how lovely it would be if we did that.

What I Can Do

 

 I don't feel well. I haven't felt great for a few days now. There's so much I want to do. I want to run. I want to garden. I want to create. I want to invite people over. Yet, I can't. I miss my days of planning and ticking off goals and tasks and feeling like I'm making the most of my life. 

   This morning, lying in bed and feeling too tired to get up, I wondered how to make sense of it. I've been reading lots of blogs as I haven't had enough energy for much else, but it has left my mind buzzing with stories of people who are running around doing hundreds of  things while I do nothing. 

   Then I remembered. Nearly twenty years ago, I was going through a slump. It was one of the worst times in my life and, back then, not knowing I had social anxiety, it was incredibly difficult to know what to do. I felt isolated at that time and no one really knew I was struggling. It was a time of transition. I had left a beautiful job and lifestyle for another one and it wasn't working out. In fact, the job was disastrous and I had to leave. 

   With no work, I used to sync my life with the TV. Oprah was on at 2:00 in the afternoon and after a dose of inspiration from her I would feel better about moving on with my day. One afternoon, still feeling very sorry for myself , Oprah was interviewing a young man who had lost so much and had so little. I was impressed to see how conscientious he was. It amazed me that he believed enough in himself to go to school, have goals and be determined to pass and go on to further study. 

   Oprah asked him how he managed to keep going. 

   He replied, "I just think about what I can do. I don't think about what I can't do." 

   Now those words have stayed with me. Very close to me. For the big challenges as well as the smaller ones. I may have mistaken the precise wording but I have never forgotten the lesson that young man taught me. I don't like to promote "big business" but I do want to acknowledge how important that program was to me at that time. 

I was so self-absorbed in what I couldn't do that I had forgotten what I could do.

   So this morning, I shared the story with Mr S and I realised that I need to approach my life this week with that in mind. It's frustrating not being able to do the things I love but there is still so much that I have and that I can do.

This week...
I can lie in bed while the rain pours down (not the whole week!).
I can see the sun shining over the park after the last downpour.
I can still try to keep up my water intake.
I can still try to be mindful of my internet usage.
I've got two lovely classes of students so I think I can still keep teaching without losing my voice and taking time off work.
I can make sure that I monitor my health and rest as much as possible.
I can prioritise what needs to be done.
I can dream about all those projects and dreams I want to work on when I do feel stronger!