What are we really saying no to ?

A colleague shared his dream with me the other day. He would do this dream in a few years when he had time and was free from his current stresses. He couldn’t tell people about his dream for fear they would belittle him.

I don’t know how many years of my life have passed by with me keeping everything and anything hush-hush. I once told a man on a date that I liked Abba music. He turned his nose up. Mental note to self: Don’t mention that to people. What a fool I am to throw that into the conversation!

In fear of what others would think, there was so much I wouldn’t do, so much I wouldn’t say. It meant that by protecting myself I was keeping myself neutralised, moderated.  Not genuine. In fact, not me.

In revealing his dream to me, this is what I discovered about my colleague:

·         He was a man with passion. He had dreams.

·         He had a richness to him that I had never really seen. At work, and even when we went out for coffee, it was work obligations, work obligations, housework obligations.

·         He inspired me. I had been dreaming about blogging the very day he shared his dream with me. The excitement of that conversation spurred me on to pursue my own dream.

Think about this. Imagine what might happen if you dared to mention your dream, in simple terms, to someone else.

·         It might cheer you up talking about something you like.

·         You could have fun pursuing your dream. You might enjoy planning and executing your dream.

·         You might be affirmed by some of the people you share with. Someone might ask questions when they catch up with you.  How’s the painting going?

·         You could meet another person who shares a similar interest.

·         The joy you get from following this dream could alleviate some of the other stresses in your life.

·         Someone might scoff at your idea. Someone might laugh at you.

 

In fairness to him and others there are, of course, many reasons why we don’t reveal our true selves to others. However, by not revealing a little of our true selves what are we really saying no to? Are we simply saying no to fear of someone’s scorn or are we saying no to a chance to grow and enjoy this life we’ve been made for?

 

Happy SAD Moments

It's not always easy living with social anxiety. And before I go further I should add that my perspective will be different from another person's perspective. I have a life where I can get out of the house each day but this is not everyone's experience.
Here are some of my observations from the previous week:

• I blogged last Wednesday about having no one to talk to after work. On Friday I got to have coffee with some of my colleagues. It was fun and something I felt I haven't done for a long time.  (I think because I haven't had a good chat with people for a while I talked a lot and probably quite forcibly.  Has anyone got some ideas for keeping calm and controlled when you feel as though you have a year's worth of comments to pour out?) It just goes to show that the world is not such a bad place!! It just gets quiet sometimes.
• I've put off approaching two people at work about a project they need to work on with me. For two weeks. Yikes!I put it off because I was sure their responses would be hostile. So I asked them yesterday and guess, what they said- "Sure!" So after I've wasted a certain amount of paid time avoiding the situation I realise that I was worrying about something that  might happen. And I was allowing myself to flood my mind with stressful thoughts. I take pride in my work and I don't consider myself a bludger yet I did waste time in this instance.
• Now this is a joyous one!! I went to an all-day PD and I was OK. I did so well. I found a seat, I wasn't late, I joined people at lunchtime and I actually found people to talk to. It's only been in the last two years that PDs and all-day meetings have been less-threatening. It's taken a while to get to this place but I'm sure glad I got to it. Getting to speak to others was a treat. Usually I make do for the day with a comment here or there and then I hide behind my cuppa as much as possible.