Beneath the surface

One of the surprises blogging has brought me is the realisation that good things happen when not expected. Over the last few months of ill health I've been taking it easy, doing only what needed to be done. For a time when I sometimes did nothing more than watch TV, it is surprising how life rolls forward, more productive than ever. 

I think I knew that rich growth comes out of crisis but I don't think I appreciated how much life keeps giving us even during humdrum periods of nothingness.

A little like Spring.  After weeks of dreariness, unpleasant coldness and wintry neglect, Spring sees the most beautiful specimens appear out of nowhere. Colour, scent and beauty rise triumphant. 

Winter: seemingly dormant and yet significant work is happening beneath the surface. We just can't see it. We have to trust it is happening, if we recognise it at all.

I usually have a list of goals, or at the very least, a to-do list. But I didn't while I was sick, except for a few jottings here and there.  And surprisingly, I've managed to tick off a goal or two from my list.

I have managed to:

• stop taking sugar in my tea (a step towards healthier eating)
• start making 'rock cakes' ( eating healthier foods by cooking from scratch, less sugar than recipes for biscuits etc)
• cut back on time on the internet (certainly not always, but trying to be more intentional about using it of an evening)
• persevere with letting the colour grow out of my hair, though it looks like it'll take forever   (living greener and simpler)
• buy a couple of hats!  I only buy hats for the sun. I don't buy hats 'for fashion' but this time I was glad to have an excuse. I desperately needed something to hide the contrasting hair colours which, to be honest, is not so easy on the eye! I think the socially anxious me wanted to wear hats but was always too reluctant to take the plunge. 

So there you have it. Things that didn't happen when I was 'fighting fit' and life was 'normal'. Theses are  the obvious things. What's exciting is that a lot more has probably happened beneath the surface. It's just that I don't realise it!

It's good.

It's good to be getting out in the fresh air.
... in the sunshine
... experiencing warmth
... as busy neighbours tending their yards
... and young ones run around the park

It's great to be getting out in the garden,
... bearing witness to Spring's emerging glory
... in the dirt
... as flowers blossom
... and new ones take root

It's grand to be waking up early again
... getting things done
... beyond the bare necessities
... finding comfort in work
... making plans
... making plans happen

Priorities

The sun is out again. Hooray! It’s been so cold and wet so many days that I think I may have fallen into a trap of doing very little these last couple of weeks. It was just too miserable to get out of bed before 10 o’clock. As I look out the window, I've decided that a walk around the lake is definitely on today's list.

As I write, the Australian leadership is up in the air, is difficult to define and is something of an enigma. Or, at least, it seems that way. Really, all is well. I know of no fellow citizens whose lives are in turmoil because of the recent election and its yet-to-be-decided outcome. Procedures are in place. Final votes are being counted as is prescribed when there is no clear majority.

Like my life. I still have my job, my partner, family and friends. I still have my home. Hospital visits are part of my weekly routine. For now. Really, all is well and I have no difficulties. The usual procedures are in place. Not that I’m always following them. But they are there to pick up when I am ready.

Like the Australian government, life is operating a little differently for the moment.

I compiled a list of what is important to guide me through this time, to be used until life settles, to refer to when my mind wants to switch off. I formulated it at a time when I didn’t realise I was adjusting to all that was happening, when I had been feeling rather anxious. It had to be a simple list. A list of priorities.

1. Rest. Priority number one.
2. Reflect and relax. Do things which bring joy. Even if it is just for ten minutes. Take time out.
3. Drink water.
4. Eat well.
5. Exercise. Walk. Perhaps one day run.
6. Love and acceptance. Because sometimes my patience runs short and I need to know what to say, what to do, how to react in a split second when life is challenging.
7. Listen. I think this will be on all of my lists for ever and ever. I aspire to be a good listener. A reminder, too,  that life is is not all about me!
8. Do jobs. Sometimes I do not want to do the dishes. Sometimes I do not want to do my paid work. I need to keep my focus. I need to do some jobs.
9. Organise. I am absent-minded. Truly. I need to keep lists and write things down.

The hospital visits are important. I am no longer anxious as I approach all things medical. I am becoming comfortable with the hospital routine. It’s more my day-to-day routine at home and work which are often up in the air. Hence the list.

I sit in the waiting room and watch other people and I see that some of them are dealing with some heavy stuff. I get perspective on my own situation.

Like the Australian government, I know what the result will be. It will be OK. While things are a little unusual at the moment, they are sure to settle in the ensuing months, albeit with a few adjustments here and there. 

A Winter Walk

   

 When things are not quite right one of the surest things to help get me back on track is sunshine! After many, many days of rain and miserably cold temperatures some beautiful sun came our way. So I got outside and I walked. Along with sunshine, walking is the other thing that does wonders for my morale. Needless to say I enjoyed my winter walk immensely. 

     Life here is slowly returning to normal after my unexpected visit to hospital a month ago which was followed by a short time at home recovering. I can't deny that the experience threw me much more than I would ever have anticipated. I believed that I had a very good handle on life, with all its ups and downs, but this episode certainly tripped me up. 

     Getting out this week and going for a walk and feeling the sun on my face was so key to helping me get back on track when life has been feeling as if it's getting out of whack. Taking time to reflect, create and garden are other activities which nourish my soul. My arm's still not strong enough for heavy gardening but I do hope to get in some more reflection time and creativity in the next few days.
     The other aspect which frustrated challenged me was that at times it was simply a matter of resting. No reflecting, no walking, no working, just resting. Which was all very weird when work sat untouched in my bag, my laptop lay idle and the carpet cried out for a clean. 
     In the meantime I have discovered that exercises do work and do make a whole lot of difference.
     Patience, my friend.
     So today I am very grateful for cheery, winter walks in the warm sunshine and I'm grateful for the unexpected beauty that appears here and there along the path. 

     And I'm grateful for the feeling of getting back on my feet. 

This week

Another week has passed and now we've got a long weekend. I had a very tiring week. I went two days without eating until late in the day and I feel I'm paying for it. It's a reminder that not only do I need to make sure I menu plan every week but I also have to keep in mind that we probably need to buy more each week. I think I went out to pick up extra groceries three times this week. Hmmmm!!

I've been trying to do extra study this term. I'm on a team working on a new program for our school and I've realised that it's a whole new language. I feel, too, that if the school is investing in us we need to do the job honourably. After all this is all about the students' education and ultimately their future.

I went for a run this morning. In my new runners. Which carried me along so swiftly. Actually, not! I had to cut it short as I'm not very fit at the moment. I want to squeeze in a run during the week but in the mornings it's dark and getting cold and in the evenings I am usually too tired. So I will challenge myself again to exercise three times this coming week. I figure that any exercise is better than nothing so let's see.

When I look back at the week and reflect it seems that it's a time of adjustment. I have a new and very different routine at work. One day a week I work off-campus and one day a week I work on the project.  The weather is changing making it harder to fit in a spot of outdoor gardening or exercise. I remember Martha Beck's advice many years ago to go with the flow when life goes awry. Life's not awry here but I think her advice still bodes well as I try to find the rhythm with a new routine and new demands. Like an autumn leaf being carried down the river, that is what I plan to do.

Today I'm catching up with friends and after that I hope to get out in the garden. I also want to get in some study. The best thing, of course, is that tomorrow is another holiday. Life is full of so many wonderful things!

During the week, as part of my reflection time, I worked on an A4 version of the following quote. I had been thinking that painting and crafting can take a lot of time but  getting creative on the computer can be faster, so I tried it the other day when I had a spare half-hour. I tried to format the final product so that it was suitable for the blog but it wouldn't work. As I said above, this is a week of readjustment so you get a readjusted version of the quote (and may I say not nearly as good).

Enjoy your week and keep moving with the flow!

Taking time to reflect

My holidays are coming to an end and I'm glad to say I found a couple of hours to reflect. I have to admit sometimes I overplan!! So in the second week I reminded myself to let go a little, which meant planning less and enjoying more, allowing imperfection. And it helped a lot.

The second Tuesday of the holidays I got to stay at home.  I tidied up the house first thing that morning and then gave myself "time out" to stop and reflect a while. I knew if I left it to later in the day it might not happen so I made it a priority to do it before lunch.

I had already decided what I wanted to focus on. One of my goals this year - in fact, for many years - is to listen well. When I was younger I did this really well, probably because I was usually too anxious to speak! Anyway, nowadays I often find myself speaking over people. Sometimes I forget I am doing it while at other times I find it hard to stop. I had planned to use reflection time each week to focus on this sort of thing but it hasn't been happening. 

My aim on Tuesday morning was to brainstorm my thoughts on listening and draw out one aspect which I could display as a reminder each day. As I started to brainstorm, I felt compelled to note all that was good rather than thinking about listening. There was much that morning that was beautiful in my immediate surroundings. It was a warm, sunshiny day and Mr S and I had been doing some work in the garden. So I jotted some of those thoughts on paper. I was surprised my mind went that way when clearly the time was meant for reflecting on listening. I'm glad I allowed myself to be open to any random thoughts. In the end,  I still managed to come away with a few ideas for a small poster on listening.

There's a little girl who sits on top of a hill at some distance from the rest of the world. She contemplates life as she sits on that hill.  She often appears in my doodling and, as you can see, she made an appearance on Tuesday.

I remember reading a few years ago how much easier it is to be creative when you remove expectations ("Vein of Gold" by Julia Cameron ). Expectations to be the best. Expectations to impress. I'm no artist but I often procrastinate because I think too much about achieving a particular outcome. Really, it's important that I just take time to create and express my ideas. The final result is not so important and it helped to keep that in mind  the other morning.

 It was great to be able to take time out this week to think about things. It did take more than half an hour but there was certainly a pay-off as I felt nourished and motivated to move along with the rest of the day.  I think it also helped me to set a rhythm for this week: some time for working, some for the family, a little for friends, some for me, some for relaxing, and much to be enjoyed.

A reflection on reflection in my life

This year my word for 2016 is not a word as such, but rather, a practice. This year I really hope to make it a priority to reflect on a regular basis. To bring this about, I did a brainstorm about how, where and when I might do that. Very quickly I came up with a few ideas that were simple enough and therefore achievable.

What?

·         Practise gratitude

·         Take time to sit and think

·         Evaluate goals

·         Seek out inspiration

Where?

·         Anywhere free from distraction

·         Seat next to window…whenever I sit there I take to daydreaming

·         Seat on the front verandah…nice, cool spot at the end of a hot day

When?

·         The hardest question!

·         Friday evenings – schedule time once a month to evaluate goals

·         At the end of the day, taking a rest outside in the cool of the evening (will work for summer)

How?  Now

Find 5 things to be grateful for each day.

At the end of the day I sit outside in the quiet of the evening and try to recall 5 things for which I am grateful. I find that by the time I get to number five many other things have come to mind. I also find that if I take my time I  feel rested and appreciative no matter what my mood was before I started. Of course, I can practise this anywhere which works as long as it's somewhere where I’m free to focus.

Create a small poster showing a quote that inspires me.

I hope to choose some words of inspiration and display them in our home. I could use watercolours or get creative on the computer. My aim is to do this once in February. I would love this activity to be a regular practice but I am trying to keep it real.

I would also like to find a time now and then when I can read or view something motivational and/or inspiring. However, I think if the two goals above happen then that will be enough to ensure that reflection  is becoming a part of my life. What I plan to make this happen does not need to be grand or rigorous.

I have already started sitting outside of an evening, looking out over the garden and reflecting on what I have to be grateful for. It's a lovely, peaceful time and very calming at the end of the day.

Other things I might do …..

Go for a long bike ride (remove myself completely from my typically sedentary, homely  way of living)

Watch a video clip of an inspirational speaker.

Share some of the inspirational stories in a post.

Journal my week/month using words, pictures, colour, highlighting significant words, experiences, memories.

My word for 2016 is not a word

While I was working out my goals for 2016 I also gave some time to thinking about what my word for 2016 would be – if I were to choose one!

Last year my word was “focus”. Last year I found it hard to plan and follow through with goals reliably. Likewise, I found it hard to find the time to “focus” and to find ways to make that happen.

When I was thinking about what the word might be for this year, I contemplated what I wanted my life to look like in 2016. What was something I wanted to see that was not so evident in 2015?

The idea of being more spiritual is what came to mind. I  wanted to see gratitude playing a more important part in my life. I knew I needed time to reflect more regularly because that’s when I see possibilities and make sense out of what is happening in my life.

Reflect is what I needed to do. It is what I wanted to do. I believe it is what helps me live a better life. After all, I'm a born thinker/dreamer. 

I believe that “focus” didn’t happen enough because I didn’t plan for it. Or perhaps there was no space for it because I had too many other goals. I didn’t take time to reflect so I didn’t find a way to make it a priority in my life.

Reflection is what I want to see happening in my life. I want it to be a priority. However I don’t really see it as a word. I see it as a practice.

Now I need to work out when and where and how it can happen!! A gratitude journal, perhaps.  A scheduled time each week? Finding inspiration on the internet, in books, on TV? Time out. Alone time. Blog it?

I love coming up with ideas so I think the first step will be to brainstorm where, when and how I can reflect. Then I’ll look at what fits in with what’s happening in my life. I plan to keep it simple and achievable and to modify it as the year goes on. (So, that means I need to make an appointment with myself this week to do just that! Let's see what I come up with.)