It's good.

It's good to be getting out in the fresh air.
... in the sunshine
... experiencing warmth
... as busy neighbours tending their yards
... and young ones run around the park

It's great to be getting out in the garden,
... bearing witness to Spring's emerging glory
... in the dirt
... as flowers blossom
... and new ones take root

It's grand to be waking up early again
... getting things done
... beyond the bare necessities
... finding comfort in work
... making plans
... making plans happen

Taking time to reflect

My holidays are coming to an end and I'm glad to say I found a couple of hours to reflect. I have to admit sometimes I overplan!! So in the second week I reminded myself to let go a little, which meant planning less and enjoying more, allowing imperfection. And it helped a lot.

The second Tuesday of the holidays I got to stay at home.  I tidied up the house first thing that morning and then gave myself "time out" to stop and reflect a while. I knew if I left it to later in the day it might not happen so I made it a priority to do it before lunch.

I had already decided what I wanted to focus on. One of my goals this year - in fact, for many years - is to listen well. When I was younger I did this really well, probably because I was usually too anxious to speak! Anyway, nowadays I often find myself speaking over people. Sometimes I forget I am doing it while at other times I find it hard to stop. I had planned to use reflection time each week to focus on this sort of thing but it hasn't been happening. 

My aim on Tuesday morning was to brainstorm my thoughts on listening and draw out one aspect which I could display as a reminder each day. As I started to brainstorm, I felt compelled to note all that was good rather than thinking about listening. There was much that morning that was beautiful in my immediate surroundings. It was a warm, sunshiny day and Mr S and I had been doing some work in the garden. So I jotted some of those thoughts on paper. I was surprised my mind went that way when clearly the time was meant for reflecting on listening. I'm glad I allowed myself to be open to any random thoughts. In the end,  I still managed to come away with a few ideas for a small poster on listening.

There's a little girl who sits on top of a hill at some distance from the rest of the world. She contemplates life as she sits on that hill.  She often appears in my doodling and, as you can see, she made an appearance on Tuesday.

I remember reading a few years ago how much easier it is to be creative when you remove expectations ("Vein of Gold" by Julia Cameron ). Expectations to be the best. Expectations to impress. I'm no artist but I often procrastinate because I think too much about achieving a particular outcome. Really, it's important that I just take time to create and express my ideas. The final result is not so important and it helped to keep that in mind  the other morning.

 It was great to be able to take time out this week to think about things. It did take more than half an hour but there was certainly a pay-off as I felt nourished and motivated to move along with the rest of the day.  I think it also helped me to set a rhythm for this week: some time for working, some for the family, a little for friends, some for me, some for relaxing, and much to be enjoyed.

How the love of simple living was borne in me.

The Old Mill,  Hahndorf

It struck me suddenly the other day that my interest in simple simple living (after all, I do a modified version, a simple version, if you like, of what I see others doing) while inspired by bloggers and all, may not be borne out of the world I thought it was. Yes, I learn about simple living from others around me who choose to take the road less travelled. Yes, I am drawn to doing things differently. Yes, my introversion probably finds the simple life more attractive than the hullabaloo of modern living. But the other day, I recalled my time travelling to De Smet in South Dakota, many years ago now, and realised it was probably borne out of my love of the olden days. You see, Laura Ingalls of Little House on the Prairie fame lived in De Smet!

I love Amish stories (modern tales but reminiscent of the olden days), old family sagas, Janet Oke's "Love Comes Softly" series and many other books of that draw you into a life long past. I don't have a bucket list but, if I did,  I  might put on it: dress up in a dress form the 1800s and wear it around all day, bonnet and all!

I think I loved the old way of being. Remember The Waltons and the way they gathered together of an evening and went off on walks to the pond. People walked along tracks in the woods, breathing in fresh air,  rather than waiting in a sea of traffic surrounded by metal and fumes. Jon English died this week which took me back to Against The Wind when life was very simple and even harsh. It  was the time of one roomed huts and horse and cart and not much more, but still there was plenty of love and camaraderie to be found.

I love seeing the old and the beautiful when I am out and about. Whenever I've travelled I love seeing old buildings.the simple ones, the ones where people made their homes and gathered together day after day. Mr S and I got tickets to see the Lost Trades Fair in Kyneton over the Labour Day weekend. We are really looking forward to it. I picture myself walking up and down the dirt paths, admiring the skill of true craftsmen and women and getting a little lost in the beauty of it all. I fancy it will be a little bit like stepping back in time....

Of course, simple living does hark back to the olden days. The two are definitely related. Yet, long before the words "simple living" were spoken, I do recall my interest in the alternative way of living evoked in stories about the past. I watched Little House on the Prairie and wished there was an actual house just like the one in the show, where you could go and stay for a week.

So there you have it. What I thought was an interest borne out of my awareness as an adult is more than likely something which was inspired by stepping back in time, a love of the old way of doing things, romanticised perhaps in all the stories I have read!

Lost Trades Fair 2016

Keeping it simple

This year I have not focussed as much as usual on simple living but keeping it simple still plays an important part in our life here.
We cook as much as possible from scratch, and this works especially well on weekdays and when the routine is in order. When the routine is out of whack, I succumb very quickly to cheap and nasty, but delicious, alternatives! This year I have managed to make lunch at home a lot of the time, so that is another way we're keeping our diet healthy and simple. I'm not so sure that it is always cheaper.
We've been growing vegies in the garden for a while now but this year the patch has not been as fruitful. In fact, we did much better last year planting out of soil that had been compacted and must have been sorely lacking in nutrients. At the moment, Mr S is picking the zucchini while they are small, otherwise they start turning bad the bigger they get. The strawberries grew well but I just didn't put in enough of them. Always learning!!!!
Our grapes were our biggest success and I can't wait until next year. It was really nice being able to share our produce with others. We shared with neighbours, family, friends and workmates. The only way we managed to do it was because Mr S covered the whole pergola in a net and we pulled down the plastic blinds around the sides. I think it also helped keep the insects out.
I consider my flower garden an important part of my simple living regimen. It keeps me grounded and puts me in touch with nature. I try not to use too much water and where possible we use water saved at the sink for the smaller plants. We hope to get a tank one day. We've also been saving the water used when washing the rice. Over summer I didn't get outside too often as it was too hot. As autumn comes I hope to get out there a little more.
The other way Mr S and I keep it simple is by not letting consumerism rule our lives. I menu plan while Mr S is very good at using up every last crumb in the cupboards. Yesterday he made up a couple of apple pies in order to use up the last few apples sitting woefully in the fruit basket. We both try to op shop and we both do fairly well at avoiding the mega-shopping experience. On Thursday we went to get a present for a friend at one such place and Mr S was turned off by the smells. He was right. I'm sure there was an overkill of what seemed to be plastic type smells which I had never noticed before.
So, there you have it. Our simple living journey will go on in 2016 even though my goals for 2016 do not reflect that.  We will continue to plant vegies and cook as much as we can at home. If the opportunity arises during the year, I would like to try my hand at sewing or soap-making. Other than that, I hope we can have a good life by organising our lives more effectively, making conscious choices about what we do and how we do it, and by being open to what naturally evolves day to day.

A reflection on reflection in my life

This year my word for 2016 is not a word as such, but rather, a practice. This year I really hope to make it a priority to reflect on a regular basis. To bring this about, I did a brainstorm about how, where and when I might do that. Very quickly I came up with a few ideas that were simple enough and therefore achievable.

What?

·         Practise gratitude

·         Take time to sit and think

·         Evaluate goals

·         Seek out inspiration

Where?

·         Anywhere free from distraction

·         Seat next to window…whenever I sit there I take to daydreaming

·         Seat on the front verandah…nice, cool spot at the end of a hot day

When?

·         The hardest question!

·         Friday evenings – schedule time once a month to evaluate goals

·         At the end of the day, taking a rest outside in the cool of the evening (will work for summer)

How?  Now

Find 5 things to be grateful for each day.

At the end of the day I sit outside in the quiet of the evening and try to recall 5 things for which I am grateful. I find that by the time I get to number five many other things have come to mind. I also find that if I take my time I  feel rested and appreciative no matter what my mood was before I started. Of course, I can practise this anywhere which works as long as it's somewhere where I’m free to focus.

Create a small poster showing a quote that inspires me.

I hope to choose some words of inspiration and display them in our home. I could use watercolours or get creative on the computer. My aim is to do this once in February. I would love this activity to be a regular practice but I am trying to keep it real.

I would also like to find a time now and then when I can read or view something motivational and/or inspiring. However, I think if the two goals above happen then that will be enough to ensure that reflection  is becoming a part of my life. What I plan to make this happen does not need to be grand or rigorous.

I have already started sitting outside of an evening, looking out over the garden and reflecting on what I have to be grateful for. It's a lovely, peaceful time and very calming at the end of the day.

Other things I might do …..

Go for a long bike ride (remove myself completely from my typically sedentary, homely  way of living)

Watch a video clip of an inspirational speaker.

Share some of the inspirational stories in a post.

Journal my week/month using words, pictures, colour, highlighting significant words, experiences, memories.

Let go a little.

I realised the other night that I only have a week and a half of holidays left. I love holidays and the opportunity to immerse myself in a lot of “me” time. I also welcome the chance to do things without having to rush around and without having school preparation hanging over me. In the past I’ve tended to do a number of things that make me feel – dare I say – like my life is worthwhile. I really like to live life to the full and make the most of my free time.

For example, after holidays two years ago I was rapt to be able to say that I had been to Sydney for a week and done some beautiful bushwalks. I had done a lot of exercise and felt great. Or, there was the annual holiday in years gone by where I caught up with my friend in the country and came away feeling truly rejuvenated each and every time. In fact, I used to find visiting her was like going on a wonderful spiritual retreat. Of course, there have been many holidays where I have read memorable books, cleaned the house from top to bottom (almost!) or done some craft …

When I realised the other night that the holidays would soon be over, I felt that I was just getting into it and I worried that I had not  achieved much. This got me to thinking that perhaps I still need to work on developing a greater appreciation of the simple and simply embrace what is.

When I was young I often did well at school. I grew up feeling that my academic achievements made me worthwhile. When I struggled with life as an adult, organising to do an Italian short course or challenging myself to go for a walk each day of the holidays motivated me and took my mind off being alone and feeling worthless.

I’m not sure if this is a social anxiety trait or just a “me” trait, but I tend to hold on to what was brilliant in the past e.g. that Italian course, that Sydney holiday, and keep it as the benchmark for every other holiday.

I think it's time once again to let go a little and appreciate where I am right now. In other words, my simple holiday holds as much value as any other holiday. Last year I hurt my back and I thought I had a good reason for staying home so much. Nevertheless, I need to let go of  expectations whether I've got a sore back or not.

I hold on very tightly when something great happens, and similarly when something difficult happens. I need to work on tempering my responses. I remember my second year of teaching was dream-like, amazing, unforgettable. In subsequent years that second year became my benchmark against which all my teaching was measured.  Not only have I thought that way about

work but also with many other things in my life.

This holiday is not Sydney 2014. It’s January, 2016! Realistically, I had two wonderful days in South Australia. I enjoyed a lovely long walk along the beach. And I finally got to ride my new bike. You know, with a little time to reflect, this holiday is full of much that is good. There is much to celebrate: big and small!

Sometimes, it just takes a little time to reflect and a change of perspective to appreciate what is happening. I need to remind myself that accomplishments are not the only means to achieving a worthwhile life.  I hope I can remember to be aware of holding onto past experiences which I set in concrete as the barometer for today’s experiences, at the expense of being open to what the present holds.

My word for 2016 is not a word

While I was working out my goals for 2016 I also gave some time to thinking about what my word for 2016 would be – if I were to choose one!

Last year my word was “focus”. Last year I found it hard to plan and follow through with goals reliably. Likewise, I found it hard to find the time to “focus” and to find ways to make that happen.

When I was thinking about what the word might be for this year, I contemplated what I wanted my life to look like in 2016. What was something I wanted to see that was not so evident in 2015?

The idea of being more spiritual is what came to mind. I  wanted to see gratitude playing a more important part in my life. I knew I needed time to reflect more regularly because that’s when I see possibilities and make sense out of what is happening in my life.

Reflect is what I needed to do. It is what I wanted to do. I believe it is what helps me live a better life. After all, I'm a born thinker/dreamer. 

I believe that “focus” didn’t happen enough because I didn’t plan for it. Or perhaps there was no space for it because I had too many other goals. I didn’t take time to reflect so I didn’t find a way to make it a priority in my life.

Reflection is what I want to see happening in my life. I want it to be a priority. However I don’t really see it as a word. I see it as a practice.

Now I need to work out when and where and how it can happen!! A gratitude journal, perhaps.  A scheduled time each week? Finding inspiration on the internet, in books, on TV? Time out. Alone time. Blog it?

I love coming up with ideas so I think the first step will be to brainstorm where, when and how I can reflect. Then I’ll look at what fits in with what’s happening in my life. I plan to keep it simple and achievable and to modify it as the year goes on. (So, that means I need to make an appointment with myself this week to do just that! Let's see what I come up with.)

Half-hour Posting

Half-hour posting is what I do when I don't have loads of time but I still want to stop by and say hello.
Half-hour blogging is also what I do when I haven't blogged for quite a while and I want to get back into it but I'm not sure where to start.
Half-hour blogging also means there's no pressure. It can just be a few quick words. It doesn't have to be an unforgettable script.

So here I am. It's been a couple of months since I last posted. Health has challenged me. Work has been demanding. 

Mr S tried out for a new full-time job. There was hope. A little bit of hope. Determination. Nine hours a day. Two ten-minute breaks. Same repetitive task. Hands swollen. Fingers infected. Nails coming off. 

Now, at last, life is not so busy. I can breathe. And think. 

Here we're getting ready for Christmas. Mr S and I would both like a quiet Christmas with time to enjoy the simple everyday rhythms of life... but family and friends beckon. It's Christmas time, they say. I'm happy to join them but I'm yearning for  simplicity. And lots of rest. And sunshine. 

Perhaps contrary to what I've just said, Mr S and I are preparing for a Christmas gathering with friends next week. My goal is to keep it simple and cheerful. I won't be buying presents. I like to think that the gift of being together is gift enough. They are good friends and time with them is richness. It's a chance for me to decorate and I do so enjoy a little exercise in creativity. 

For me, it's always been Christmas at Mum's. She has always insisted it's at her house. Her way. So I really cherish the opportunity to create some Christmas in my home.

Stay tuned  and I'll let you know how it  goes. It's a gorgeous, sunny day outside so there's much to do. But I welcome such demands. Work around home and garden. Making this house a home. And a haven.

Happy Sunday!

Mr S has learnt how to make mince pies. Guess what's on the menu next week!

I'm getting back to walking each day. And eventually back to running. I love holidays because everything is that much more possible. 

We have a lovely neighbourhood and I'm so glad I get time now to enjoy it.

Inspiration and other random thoughts

Lately my partner and I have been watching the current series of The Biggest Loser. It's not something I usually watch. I do like some reality shows but I find many of them are too focussed on setting people against each other and far too many segments are contrived.
If I watch a TV show about houses I want to be inspired and entertained. I actually want to see the joy and anguish of struggling to build a home on a limited budget. I want to get inspiration for creating a home in a particular style. I do not want to find entertainment in watching a couple bicker with each other or with another couple.
So, I was pleasantly surprised last week when one of the TBL contestants won a bonus $5000 and had to gift it to someone from another team. A condition of accepting the gift was that you had to leave the competition. Of course there were conditions attached and most likely there was an ulterior motive behind the final decision.
Well, you can imagine how inspired I was to hear the winning contestant offer the cash to contestant no. 2 because the latter was a mum who was finding it hard to be away from her young children for so long and whose family could really benefit from a financial boost.
I stopped what I was doing when I heard this going to air. I actually waited for the sting in the tail, for the nastiness. 
How often do we hear people on TV doing something just because it could help someone? How often do those reality shows allow people to choose kindness when the premise of the program is about winning and losing? 
The next day I happened to be reading my book,  and I came across this passage in which the author proposes an alternative definition of success.
         SUCCESS is living a full and balanced life in partnership with others
         to create a joyful feeling of love, contribution, appreciation and abundance,
         despite how our endeavours may turn out.
                                                                           End The Struggle and Dance With Life
                                                                            Susan Jeffers
Ever the idealist, I love to think we could build a world that promotes teamwork. 

I wonder what would happen if we encouraged these reality contestants to work with each other, sharing ideas, helping each other out and giving them ample time to hone their skills and craftsmanship. 
Imagine a lifestyle program which focussed on skills, creativity and character-building...

Trying very hard.... to wake up early

 
     It must be over six months now that I have been trying very hard to wake up early when I go to work .... after 30 years of getting up at the last minute. 

    I have to be honest and say that the last three weeks have been tough. In the morning it's so cold and dark when I wake up that I actually started pushing the snooze button and turning over to get a bit more sleep.  I was clearly stepping into dangerous territory. Around 7.20 I would begrudgingly get up and scramble to pack a quick  breakfast. Some mornings I wouldn't get as far as packing breakfast.

    I realised I needed to apply drastic measures to counteract my downward spiral from what had started as a grand and almighty  attempt at waking up earlier each day.

    A few weeks later and this is what I have done to turn things around and make the "waking up early" experience possible once again.
   
    I turn on the bedside lamp as soon as the alarm goes off and then turn on the heating... then I run and hop back into bed! Both of these serve to disguise the cold and dark and help me take my mind off what it's really like  outside.

    I decided it would also be easier if I tried to add incentives.  I like listening to the radio in the morning so I've combined that with having my breakfast (in bed, I might add!). After the house has warmed up and my eyes are ready to open I get up and prepare a quick and healthy breakfast. 

    I love my chai latte on Thursdays before work. It's become a habit. Having a very appealing incentive has been a real help to getting out of bed on a cold, miserable morning.

    The other thing I've done is keep it real. As much as I would dearly love to accomplish great things in the morning I could see my goal of waking up early was getting away from me. There's no denying I find it really hard some mornings. So I needed to stop expecting to accomplish 5 new things in the morning when I was struggling to do one. I decided to reduce my expectations and prioritise. At the moment, breakfast is the main goal.

I'm very proud of what I've achieved thus far. I certainly haven't conquered the mornings. However, I've been very surprised to see that  I've actually managed to get up early every morning and have breakfast at home. One factor that makes waking up so hard is not getting  to sleep early enough. Perhaps that will need to be the next step in strengthening my morning routine. I'm also hoping to find myself some more "appealing incentives" for the mornings. Those goals will need to be simple and sweet which sounds good to me.  Who knows what I might achieve by the end of 2015!
    
    
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Lately

I'm ready to get back into the swing of things after feeling a little under the weather over the last couple of weeks. It's nice to feel the energy of possibility again after needing to put everything on pause. I've been easing my way back into busyness though I always feel the tendency to want to run around and catch up on everything I had put on hold. Somehow or other, life goes on, regardless of what I have and haven't done. 

   I managed to go for a walk around the neighbourhood so it was good to get out into the fresh air. I really enjoyed working with Mr S these last couple of weeks. Our schedules mean that we often do housework at very different times but lately our "free" time has overlapped. It's been really nice to see how easy it can be to get the house clean and comfortable when there are two pairs of hands.

   I noticed lately I haven't been keeping a list of what I need to do so that might be top of my "to do" list tonight. It feels like "Take Two" with my goals but I'm ready to prepare for the week and make the most of it. I think having breakfast before I go to work will need to be my priority this week. 
   I had a lovely lunch with a good friend this afternoon. She took the risk of inviting another friend over and I'm so glad she did. I'm not sure whether it's an introvert thing or a social anxiety thing but I noticed we can sometimes get almost territorial about our time with a friend, hoping no one else comes in on it and spoils our special time. I think it's because we treasure the opportunity to connect meaningfully and know that such opportunities are extremely rare. 
    Friend G had invited Ms C to our afternoon gathering and what a delight it was. She was a lovely person. Sweet, mature, intelligent, engaging.  When Friend G confided that Ms C has only been living in this state for the last four years and has never experienced such loneliness in her life, I felt humbled. I was so glad we had been open to including her rather than limiting ourselves. 
   It also made me think about my goal to invite others over to our house once a month. For one, it reminded me how important it is to reach out to others and put our own needs aside for a while. However, it also reminded me that I have yet to actually invite anyone over and how lovely it would be if we did that.

What I Can Do

 

 I don't feel well. I haven't felt great for a few days now. There's so much I want to do. I want to run. I want to garden. I want to create. I want to invite people over. Yet, I can't. I miss my days of planning and ticking off goals and tasks and feeling like I'm making the most of my life. 

   This morning, lying in bed and feeling too tired to get up, I wondered how to make sense of it. I've been reading lots of blogs as I haven't had enough energy for much else, but it has left my mind buzzing with stories of people who are running around doing hundreds of  things while I do nothing. 

   Then I remembered. Nearly twenty years ago, I was going through a slump. It was one of the worst times in my life and, back then, not knowing I had social anxiety, it was incredibly difficult to know what to do. I felt isolated at that time and no one really knew I was struggling. It was a time of transition. I had left a beautiful job and lifestyle for another one and it wasn't working out. In fact, the job was disastrous and I had to leave. 

   With no work, I used to sync my life with the TV. Oprah was on at 2:00 in the afternoon and after a dose of inspiration from her I would feel better about moving on with my day. One afternoon, still feeling very sorry for myself , Oprah was interviewing a young man who had lost so much and had so little. I was impressed to see how conscientious he was. It amazed me that he believed enough in himself to go to school, have goals and be determined to pass and go on to further study. 

   Oprah asked him how he managed to keep going. 

   He replied, "I just think about what I can do. I don't think about what I can't do." 

   Now those words have stayed with me. Very close to me. For the big challenges as well as the smaller ones. I may have mistaken the precise wording but I have never forgotten the lesson that young man taught me. I don't like to promote "big business" but I do want to acknowledge how important that program was to me at that time. 

I was so self-absorbed in what I couldn't do that I had forgotten what I could do.

   So this morning, I shared the story with Mr S and I realised that I need to approach my life this week with that in mind. It's frustrating not being able to do the things I love but there is still so much that I have and that I can do.

This week...
I can lie in bed while the rain pours down (not the whole week!).
I can see the sun shining over the park after the last downpour.
I can still try to keep up my water intake.
I can still try to be mindful of my internet usage.
I've got two lovely classes of students so I think I can still keep teaching without losing my voice and taking time off work.
I can make sure that I monitor my health and rest as much as possible.
I can prioritise what needs to be done.
I can dream about all those projects and dreams I want to work on when I do feel stronger!

Goals for April

My post labelled Goals for March is now Goals for April. Perhaps it would be more aptly named Goals for the Next Few Weeks, Reflecting on Goals for the Last Few Weeks.

These days I feel I'm getting back to a routine where I have more choice over what I can and can't do. My back's going well. My car's going well. Mr S's brother has gone back home. Holidays are over. I welcome the time  I now have to plan  and reflect.

Goals for March...and thereabouts

• I now drink more water. My drink bottle fits snuggly in its place near my seat in the car. It's spill-proof and easy to carry around.
• Getting up early. This worked well before the holidays. During the Easter break I continued to get up early to take Mr S to work. I've also been going to bed earlier. Hopefully I can keep up this new habit.
• Exercise. I've done a good deal of walking in the last couple of weeks and I have just started running again, that is for a few minutes. It certainly feels good.
• I'm really pleased I brought in time to create.  I'm still reaping the benefits and enjoying the simple changes I've made to the decor.
• Housework!! Ugh!!! I got Mr S's brother to vacuum once. Does that count as achieving the goal of one key job a week? I did clean the shower this past week. (My excuse is my back. It tires easily.)
• Reducing screen time/Increasing "focus" time. Overall I've been on the computer a lot lately. On a few occasions I've consciously chosen not to switch on the computer or TV. 
• Friday Bill Time going very well and keeping me on top of matters financial. 

Goals for April into May...looking ahead....

• Exercise. Walking and running three times a week.
• Drink more water.
• Get up early. Not easy now that it is dark and cold in the mornings. I am enticing myself with a chai latte this Thursday morning. I am not a morning person so I need to make it "pleasant".  Tomorrow morning I'd like to bake biscuits for Mr S to take back to work. Could be wishful thinking!
• No FB till Friday. 
• Listen mindfully. Need to do something concrete to make this a definite part of my life.
• Try, try, try to do one key cleaning job a week.
• Around the house. Take out house picture to frame and come up with the next concrete step. What do I need to fix it in place in the frame which is empty and waiting to be used?
• Invite a friend over and prepare something to eat, whether it's a snack or a meal.

 I think that's enough. If I can achieve some of these goals this week I will be happy indeed. It always helps when I have focus and time to reflect. I become more mindful of how I approach my whole life and I become more open and more aware of ways in which I can do this. So,  I'm hoping for continued, quality thinking time. Waking up earlier, my Friday evening routine and less screen time are definite ways I can achieve that. I also want to keep in mind one of my main goals which is to be healthy and that only comes about by working at it. With all these thoughts in mind I'm set and focussed for a productive week.

Travelling the pot-holed road to happiness: this week

country cemetery

Travelling the pot-holed road to happiness is how I used to view my journey with social anxiety and my seemingly endless quest to be free of the ever-present angst. I feel I've moved beyond that way of experiencing life but still find "the pot-holed road" a good way to describe life's unplanned ups and downs that are forever popping into our lives. I think the analogy is especially relevant for me because I'm constantly trying to plan out my life  in order to bring about a happy, productive state. 

Life has its own way of reminding me that it's really about celebrating the here and now and appreciating the pot-holes, as much as the highlights, along the way. This has been another week which has challenged me to put the list aside and embrace life as it is.

lovely centrepiece

My aunty died last week and we had the funeral yesterday. It was a lovely, country funeral and gathering. I got to catch up and talk at length to cousins I don't see so often, and I saw many faces from my childhood days when we used to visit my aunty's farm. Those faces brought back a lot of happy memories. My aunty was a good person who was a talented homemaker and community worker. She did a lot of  work behind the scenes: church cleaning, making cakes and baby booties for fundraisers but never expected recognition for it, rather she recognised the goodness in the doing of the work.

My car has been playing up. It cuts out as I drive along. Fortunately, each time it's happened, I've been able to get over safely to the side of the road without causing danger to anyone. It happened on Monday morning, on the way to school. So I decided to catch public transport until it's fixed (or until I make the decision that this car is really not worth fixing and I better get a new car). 

Going on public transport has taken up more time and energy than anticipated. I've come home tired and I get less work done before and after school. Twice I took the wrong bus and wasted time retracing my steps and getting back on the right bus. And, yes, I did learn to be more careful when boarding the bus. 

Again, life throws up the unexpected and shows me that it is wonderful and full of much in which to delight - whether I plan it or not. 

One of this week's unplanned delights happened as I travelled to work on the bus. A younger gentleman, a passenger, tapped me on the shoulder and asked "Are you Ms R? And you taught at XYZ School?" I immediately recognised as him as one of my ex-students.

Now, this is bound to happen when you live and work in the same area, or even state, but Vincent was my student at a school, thousands of miles away, twenty years ago. He was a student in one of my most memorable classes and I always thought how marvellous it would be to meet some of my ex-students from that time. Of course, it never happened, so twenty years on I was not only surprised, but absolutely delighted to see him. What was even more delightful was seeing that he was a such a charming gentleman, who only the day before had been chatting to the older man on the bus- just being friendly.  

And it all happened because I had to travel on the bus....because my car is causing such inconvenience...

not in the city now

Large family gatherings can be overwhelming and tiresome for me. My aunty's funeral was a lovely tribute to her and I thoroughly enjoyed watching everyone come together in celebration of her life. I did take a back seat in the hall but I was happy talking to people in the back stalls and comfortable to watch from afar. I've found going to school on the bus to be very calming and I've enjoyed saying hello to a few people I know in the community. That could not happen travelling in my car in the traffic.

This week was challenging but memorable in a beautiful way.

Should I tear up my goal list?

I've been trying to get back to my blog schedule of talking about my goals mid-week. I was sure that with focus and commitment I could achieve what I set out to do but it looks like these holidays my plans are flying out the window. Perhaps I should tear up my goal list?
Just over a week ago I hurt my back and all my holiday activities were curtailed. I couldn't do much at all so that included no running, which was one of my top goals. I couldn't write and I couldn't work at my laptop for more than a few minutes. I could surf the internet and I could watch television but I've even tired of those activities.
It makes me wonder about making plans and trying to determine how our lives will be. I've had so many good intentions these holidays, many of which have not eventuated. I had hoped to visit old friends but one didn't reply and the other had to postpone till autumn. I've called friends to catch up on the phone but no one is home! I had hoped to blog regularly but Mr S and I were devoting a lot of time to job-hunting. 
Surprisingly I've been positive while finding myself beached on the couch. Health issues flare up every now and then for me and I've had to resign myself over the years to surrender and give in to the need to rest completely, after many years of ignoring what my body was saying. Back then, when I did start staying at home longer to recuperate, because I had no choice,  I used to get upset the first couple of days realising that I couldn't do what I set out to do for that week. I hadn't realised how tightly I had tied my self-worth into "work" and "achieving" or getting things done. So, it was interesting to see with this current injury I accepted very quickly that I would rest completely even though nothing would get ticked off my "to do" list. 
Yes, it does help that it's holidays and I've got support at home which I didn't have in the past. It's also given me plenty of time to see that while my prescribed goals are not getting ticked off the list, the world keeps turning and I keep learning and moving ahead.

• Each day, I've noted improvements with my back and celebrated small achievements. I was very excited when I realised I could walk again. The first day I was able to walk, I went with a smile on my face each time I took off, taking a few tottery steps here and there. Yesterday was exciting because I managed to sit at the table and do an email for the first time in a week.
• Mr S landed a job half an hour after I hurt my back. 
• Resting on the couch, for the umpteenth hour, I looked across to my precious bookshelf and realised that I'm ready to cut down the number of books on those shelves. That's one area I thought I'd never ever tamper with and yet, that moment has arrived.
• I caught another glimpse of the beauty of life from my couch one early morning when I woke and saw Mr S studying hard at the dining room table so that one day he can take a course to better himself. I was filled with admiration. 
• This experience has reinforced the challenge of embracing life as it is now. It's shown me that there are still highlights to be had.  One thing I've looked forward to in the last few days is a walk outside amongst the vegies. Sometimes I'm too busy to get out there and look properly but this week I've enjoyed my little wander and I've been able to take the time to notice what is happening in each area.

I can't help wondering what the point is in heavily scheduling memories when life has its own way of delivering what we need. Why don't we let life unfold  naturally? 
There seem to be gentle reminders that life does this anyway, no matter how much I try to herd it into my carrel of "The Perfect Life".   
I often hear people say they want to create memories by going to a certain place at a certain time. What happens to those people if they have a lovely moment with their son or daughter at the kitchen sink while doing the dishes? What happens if the kids have a barrel of fun running under the sprinkler in the backyard on a hot, summer's day? Is life only remarkable if we can plan for it and photograph it?

What does this mean for me? 
I guess it's another question to ponder. I know my goals and my list for each day are very important to me. I love returning from holidays and being able to share with people what I've done. I love celebrating all the projects I've completed. 
These holidays have certainly presented me with another way to live,and very little of that was on my goal list!!  What am I going to say when I head back to work next week?

FOCUS

There you have it. That's my word for 2015. 
FOCUS.
I didn't think I needed a word because I had clearly set-out goals. And, if I was going to have a word, then I was sure I would have one which would be inspiring and impressive. 
Reading all about other people's chosen words did get me thinking what mine would be if I did choose one. I wondered what phenomenal words would materialise if I let myself listen and be guided by what came to  mind.
Focus was the word that came to mind and the one that I rejected for its boring practicality.
Reflecting on my goals the other day, it occurred to me that one of the main things stopping me from achieving them are distractions like the television and the  computer. All too often, I procrastinate by engaging with the TV or internet. Or else, I try to do too many things at the one time.
So I know why focus needs to be my guiding word this year. I need to focus more closely on one goal or one task. Another way of thinking about it is less multi-tasking and more attention on one activity (uni-tasking!!). 
This word also relates to me in my day-to-day efforts to get along with others.  Being present when I'm with others is one of my main goals this year. It requires me to focus on the person and not let myself be distracted. It's a challenge but a worthwhile one. 
The other reason I'm happy to adopt a guiding word for 2015 is that it helps me when I am getting anxious around other people. It's short and easy to remember so in a moment of stress I can simply say the word to myself and recast my focus onto the person I'm with. In times of stress I don't want the hassle of trying to recall multi-staged reminders to help me regain my composure.

So there we have it... FOCUS. 

• doing one thing at a time
• being present to the other person and focussing closely on what he or she is saying
• a means to an effective way of working