Navigating another pothole in the road

   Here I am, having not blogged for a while. I've been taking time off to deal with a medical issue that appeared out of nowhere. I'm still taking things easy as I recover. 
   When I was little I used to be scared of doctors and a myriad of other things. Throughout this very recent experience, I was surprised to see some of my childhood anxieties return. It was a very weird, dejavu-type feeling as I headed off to hospital last week. I felt like a four year old all over again.

   I was very fortunate to have family providing loads of support and I'm very grateful for friends who dropped in with flowers and homemade goodies. When family and friends have been sick I've usually been too busy to help out!! 
   Now there's some food for thought...

   My prognosis is very good. I know many people go to the doctor's and end up having to deal with much more than what I have come away with. 
   In the lead-up to the operation I found myself drawing on my anxiety-coping skills. It was good to know that having to learn those skills years ago has given me strength in other areas of my life many years later.    As I waited for test results I remembered to keep it very real. I kept in mind that this experience is part of the natural flow of life: ups and downs, challenges, joys, opportunities to learn and grow. I stayed focussed (OK, maybe not always) and I have learnt enough to know that I matter and it was OK for me to take time off from work (I have plenty of leave, so that was not a concern) and not feel guilty.  
   I guess you could say that I recognised it for what it was. Another pothole in the road of life.
   As I mentioned earlier there were times when anxiety did creep in. The little child in me lives again. As well, the post-operation time has been more difficult than expected. My arm has been sore and I've found everyday things challenging. Things like brushing my hair, picking things up off the floor, writing, having a shower and so on. I've been anxious about some of these smaller things more than the bigger issues.  

   On the bright side I am on the mend. I feel happy as some of the regular rhythms of life make a cautious return. Yesterday I made some sweet buns using a very simple recipe. It's been terribly dull here with winter rains and cold weather so it was a pleasant surprise to see pops of colour in the garden. I couldn't resist bringing some of that colour indoors when the sun came out yesterday afternoon. Last week I scheduled an afternoon to do a blog post. Just over a week later it's happening. 

As a friend explained the other night, you have to take care of your body and make sure it's OK. No matter how much I want to blog or organise the front room of our house, I'm learning that it can only happen if my body is ready. I think I'm still trying to accommodate this idea. How many wellbeing gurus cry out that power is all in the mind? I remember one yoga teacher once told our students that the mind is your strongest muscle.   I  thought that was rather profound and I wanted to display it in the classroom.

But over the last two weeks my body just wanted to sleep and rest...

Though I do believe that difficult times reap incredible growth and richness...

It's rather like going on a holiday to a first time destination .... great anticipation of the unknown... minus the sunglasses and photo snaps...And they speak a different language...

Mr S had a workmate over for lunch today. He got up early and cooked a small feast. I could hear him singing and joking around as he prepared curry pies, steamed buns, taro and corned beef. It was very plain to see - and hear- that he was in his element. He doesn't cook as often now because his nails are so bad and he's usually too tired from work. I think the last few weeks have been confusing for him as he grew up in a community where people did not articulate their health needs and concerns. Indeed, people in his community employ different but very natural-based methods and knowledge  when it comes to wellbeing. And as when one learns any new language (cf the language of hospitals and health practitioners and western science), it takes time to learn and accommodate new concepts and terminology.

It was very heartening to hear his joviality and see his brilliant smile filling the house all of this morning.

And to see that life goes on and good things continue to happen, no matter what!

Goals for May

I thought I'd take some time to look at my goals for this month. I pencil it into a note book but I thought I'd also think aloud here on this page.

Last month:

• Plan each week: too tired some Fridays, it's then hard to find another time to do it, not menu planning some weeks also meant extra trips to the shops. Weekday lunches are going extremely well. I average three times a week so that's a definite improvement on the last few years. Less screen time - less TV time, yes (well done :) ) , less computer time, NO!
• Exercise three times a week - NO, Not happening! Well, I did jog once a week but on the weekend it was too cold and wet. Oh, and I did buy new runners which are much more comfortable.
• Reflect - I'm happy because it's on my radar. See Create. Yet to find a definite time where this can happen.
• Create - I did print out one inspirational quote one morning.
• House - Yes!  I've been doing little jobs here and there which has made it easier to keep the house tidy. I finally got rid of the children's desk in the front room and have now replaced it with an op shop find that I love! 

• Garden - Yes! With the help of Mr S we have refreshed the garden. 
• Be social - Yes! Mr S made some buns and we visited family members. It was a good 'excuse' to call on people. Both Mr S and I find it hard to impose ourselves on people so sometimes we need a 'cover'. It can be quite hard for very shy people to initiate social interaction, which is all the more reason why I need to keep working on this goal.
  

Looking ahead: I've underlined things to take note of. 

• Planning - Keep this for Friday nights. This month I think a good shopping list is my goal. 
• Exercise three times a week - I really want this to be part of my lifestyle so it stays on the list. I think I might need to change mealtimes to accommodate midweek exercise. 
• Reflecting 
• Creating - Do I have time for this? 
• Around the house - If I do the dishes at night then I have time in the  morning for house work and other tasks, even for reflection. I've got a good work schedule this term so I might look into making a 'reflection' time before work. Monday or Tuesday mornings could be a good time to reflect. Could tie it in with a chai latte!  
• Around the house 2 - Hang up pictures... yes, I know it never happens, but I will attempt to do one picture this month. If I blogged it that might help?? I also want to declutter the clutter in the study. Ten minutes at a time rather than always jumping onto the computer.
• Garden - finish putting mulch down, a quick tidy here and there each week, help Mr S with the vegetable garden
• Be Social - invite friends M and B over for dinner, as soon as Mother's Day is over.

I prepared this post a couple of weeks ago. Both Mr S and I have not been well but we are finally on the mend.  It's another reminder to me that goals are not the true baseline in my life. I am learning to tune in to what is happening around me and to be in the present moment. Nevertheless, good goals are good guidelines and do help me stay focussed and organised, and keep my life intentional.
I have started decluttering the front room, ten minutes here and there. I'm now off to do the shopping with a carefully thought out shopping list. I'm determined to get back to exercise so I've 'scheduled' a walk after my shopping. My social anxiety tendencies are saying "Avoid! Avoid! There'll be too many people around on this lovely morning" but my logical mind is telling me to be strong and to shift my thoughts over to what I really want to do. So, have a lovely Sunday. I'm off to shop and walk!!

This week

Another week has passed and now we've got a long weekend. I had a very tiring week. I went two days without eating until late in the day and I feel I'm paying for it. It's a reminder that not only do I need to make sure I menu plan every week but I also have to keep in mind that we probably need to buy more each week. I think I went out to pick up extra groceries three times this week. Hmmmm!!

I've been trying to do extra study this term. I'm on a team working on a new program for our school and I've realised that it's a whole new language. I feel, too, that if the school is investing in us we need to do the job honourably. After all this is all about the students' education and ultimately their future.

I went for a run this morning. In my new runners. Which carried me along so swiftly. Actually, not! I had to cut it short as I'm not very fit at the moment. I want to squeeze in a run during the week but in the mornings it's dark and getting cold and in the evenings I am usually too tired. So I will challenge myself again to exercise three times this coming week. I figure that any exercise is better than nothing so let's see.

When I look back at the week and reflect it seems that it's a time of adjustment. I have a new and very different routine at work. One day a week I work off-campus and one day a week I work on the project.  The weather is changing making it harder to fit in a spot of outdoor gardening or exercise. I remember Martha Beck's advice many years ago to go with the flow when life goes awry. Life's not awry here but I think her advice still bodes well as I try to find the rhythm with a new routine and new demands. Like an autumn leaf being carried down the river, that is what I plan to do.

Today I'm catching up with friends and after that I hope to get out in the garden. I also want to get in some study. The best thing, of course, is that tomorrow is another holiday. Life is full of so many wonderful things!

During the week, as part of my reflection time, I worked on an A4 version of the following quote. I had been thinking that painting and crafting can take a lot of time but  getting creative on the computer can be faster, so I tried it the other day when I had a spare half-hour. I tried to format the final product so that it was suitable for the blog but it wouldn't work. As I said above, this is a week of readjustment so you get a readjusted version of the quote (and may I say not nearly as good).

Enjoy your week and keep moving with the flow!