Happy SAD Moments

Happy SAD Moments
I've always been a little shy about my hair. Yes, my hair. I have big ears so, in true SAD fashion,   I've learnt over the years to hide them behind my luscious locks. Not forgetting, of course, my high forehead. Yes, ever a SAD person, I make sure my foreheard is always covered by some sort of fringe. This has led to a frustratingly restricted number of hairstyles and, dare I say,  a preoccupation with things that are not that important in the big scheme of life. Nevertheless...

Then the other day, out of sheer desperation I twirled a few hairs and stuck a pin in them. Nothing fancy. Something I've always wanted to do. In fact, something I've always done at home when noone else is looking!!  But that day, I hadn't washed my hair, it badly needed a cut, the greys were showing through and it was just plain unruly.
So in went the pin.  And the next day and the next...and I loved it. I loved giving my hair a little twirl and changing its style .
Yes, it's probably been thirty years since I was creative with my hair. I actually felt young again. I felt that I could have fun and not have to maintain my typically conservative persona.
The unbelievable happened when one of my younger and more fashionable colleagues commented that my hair looked really nice styled in that way. Whippee!!!!! And there I was quite resigned to showing the greys and being a bit of a dag (=1970's slang for being uncool). Her comment still brings a smile to my face.

I'm glad that I felt comfortable enough in myself to change my hair even if it was out of necessity. And even if it took 30 years.

SAD has a way of enslaving you.

I had happily tried different styles when I was about 14 but someone I respected showed their disapproval. I listened to them. If only I had realised that one person's comments are only absolute if I allow them to be.  I clearly hadn't developed my sense of who I was and what I liked. For me, it had to come from someone else. The safe way. The SAD way!


Take a different road and see where it leads you.

As Green As Can Be- That's Me!

I live a life as green as can be, which means that sometimes I'm not very green. When my energy is low green living doesn't happen very much. When I feel good, I love the challenge of finding ways I can be greener here at my suburban patch.

Some of my green goals are:

• Buy thoughtfully; buy local, buy eco-friendly, not buy at all, reduce packaging
• Save paper; reduce photocopying; recycle paper, introduce students to recycled paper for some tasks, go electronic
• Walk where possible and use public transport; I'm not very organised  and I'm quite busy at times so this goal happens sometimes
• Eat fresh and home-cooked food

Now it may surprise and even shock some readers that I occasionally buy from the take-away franchises, rarely buy in bulk and sometimes come home with a plastic bag I don't really want.

My priority is to eat. Full-stop. Eating green is really my second priority. I've never been a big eater and when I engage in a task I forget about everything else.  There have been times over the years when I chose not to buy products because they weren't green enough and then when I got hungry there was nothing to eat. So I will eat fast food if the alternative is too insubstantial and I've got no time to prepare something. I will buy individual items if the alternative- given my lifestyle and how I manage it- means that uneaten food is wasted.

September
Lately I've notched up a few greenie points (these are the green version of brownie points) in the following ways:

• I finally got a bike. It needs some adjustments. Hopefully these holidays I can check out the local bike path that goes through the grasslands. I also want to try riding to the local shops and library....
• No TV on Tuesdays. Still feels weird! But I'm actually thinking about trying to be more selective about what I watch as well as thinking about making another time in the week when I rule out TV. I often put it on for company.
• On Saturday I bought a new jacket. I managed to say no to the store assistant. when she offered me one of their glossy bags.
• Three cheers because lately I've been remembering my green shopping bags!!!
• Using lemons off the tree in the backyard (it's the closest I get to producing my own food)

Feeling down: No easy answer.

I'm an idealist. I love to dream. I love to sit back and reflect on life. From time to time I find myself reading lots of articles about Living Life to the Full, Being Happy, Life is What You Make It.

I truly wonder whether some of those writers have had a life where they constantly have to deal with  health issues  and whether they've ever had to make do on their own, day after day, year after year. It seems to me that, in their world, living a good, healthy life naturally and easily results in finding a fabulous life-with partner- in a few weeks or months.

Oh, I wish my life were like that!

With this in mind I often feel disappointed  when I can't live up to those expectations. In the last few days I've found myself coming home wanting to cry. I try to tell myself that I am happy but the truth is that for some unclear reason I am not.

I have been busy and I'm finally managing to shake off a bug. Last night I went to yoga relaxation class only to return home tired and with more book work to do. The dishes were not done for the second night in a row (hopefully tonight I'll get them done). Monday nights are always stressful.

I need to be level-headed at these times and not get carried away with the emotions.

I am tired +
I have had a bug and I haven't shaken it off completely +
I have been busy +
My new class is very demanding and the level is new to me +
I am getting out less and less these days
= a Rivergirl who misses her time and space and energy!!!!

I'm not sure what the answer is.

In the past I have made time each night to think of 5 things which have been a positive part of my life on that day. This  may not take away my feelings of sadness straight away but I believe that it  helps balance out my "tiredness" and "down" feelings. I think that  life with SAD readily gives way to negative thinking so  this practice "trains" me to think more positively (even though I haven't been practising it lately). I first started using it when my mind was overwhelmed at nights from  worrying too much.

So today, I am grateful for...

• I went grocery shopping and now I've got some decent food in the house again!
• It's my television free night and I'm sticking to it.
• I've got something to look forward to- tomorrow I've organised to meet with another teacher for coffee before school. This is something I like to do but I rarely do because so many of my colleagues are busy with family etc.
• I'm glad I saw the opportunity last week to accept the coffee invitation when I could have said that early mornings are too hard for me.
• It's Tuesday night. Monday nights are a mad rush but Tuesday nights I can relax.
• Hey, I got to work earlier than usual. After a great start to the year (breakfast every morning, gettin to work with time to spare) I've returned to the days of old: get up, get dressed, run out. But today I got to work ten minutes earlier.
• ...which reminds me, I got to clean up a portion of the  mess on my desk at work; a very small portion but a portion nonetheless

So my strategies this week for combatting the blues and the energy drain:

1. Keep things in perspective. If possible separate the emotional from the practical.  "I am feeling down because I am sick and I am tired... and that's how it is right now."
2. Take time to focus on what has been good in your life today. Celebrate these moments.