Lately

I'm ready to get back into the swing of things after feeling a little under the weather over the last couple of weeks. It's nice to feel the energy of possibility again after needing to put everything on pause. I've been easing my way back into busyness though I always feel the tendency to want to run around and catch up on everything I had put on hold. Somehow or other, life goes on, regardless of what I have and haven't done. 

   I managed to go for a walk around the neighbourhood so it was good to get out into the fresh air. I really enjoyed working with Mr S these last couple of weeks. Our schedules mean that we often do housework at very different times but lately our "free" time has overlapped. It's been really nice to see how easy it can be to get the house clean and comfortable when there are two pairs of hands.

   I noticed lately I haven't been keeping a list of what I need to do so that might be top of my "to do" list tonight. It feels like "Take Two" with my goals but I'm ready to prepare for the week and make the most of it. I think having breakfast before I go to work will need to be my priority this week. 
   I had a lovely lunch with a good friend this afternoon. She took the risk of inviting another friend over and I'm so glad she did. I'm not sure whether it's an introvert thing or a social anxiety thing but I noticed we can sometimes get almost territorial about our time with a friend, hoping no one else comes in on it and spoils our special time. I think it's because we treasure the opportunity to connect meaningfully and know that such opportunities are extremely rare. 
    Friend G had invited Ms C to our afternoon gathering and what a delight it was. She was a lovely person. Sweet, mature, intelligent, engaging.  When Friend G confided that Ms C has only been living in this state for the last four years and has never experienced such loneliness in her life, I felt humbled. I was so glad we had been open to including her rather than limiting ourselves. 
   It also made me think about my goal to invite others over to our house once a month. For one, it reminded me how important it is to reach out to others and put our own needs aside for a while. However, it also reminded me that I have yet to actually invite anyone over and how lovely it would be if we did that.

What I Can Do

 

 I don't feel well. I haven't felt great for a few days now. There's so much I want to do. I want to run. I want to garden. I want to create. I want to invite people over. Yet, I can't. I miss my days of planning and ticking off goals and tasks and feeling like I'm making the most of my life. 

   This morning, lying in bed and feeling too tired to get up, I wondered how to make sense of it. I've been reading lots of blogs as I haven't had enough energy for much else, but it has left my mind buzzing with stories of people who are running around doing hundreds of  things while I do nothing. 

   Then I remembered. Nearly twenty years ago, I was going through a slump. It was one of the worst times in my life and, back then, not knowing I had social anxiety, it was incredibly difficult to know what to do. I felt isolated at that time and no one really knew I was struggling. It was a time of transition. I had left a beautiful job and lifestyle for another one and it wasn't working out. In fact, the job was disastrous and I had to leave. 

   With no work, I used to sync my life with the TV. Oprah was on at 2:00 in the afternoon and after a dose of inspiration from her I would feel better about moving on with my day. One afternoon, still feeling very sorry for myself , Oprah was interviewing a young man who had lost so much and had so little. I was impressed to see how conscientious he was. It amazed me that he believed enough in himself to go to school, have goals and be determined to pass and go on to further study. 

   Oprah asked him how he managed to keep going. 

   He replied, "I just think about what I can do. I don't think about what I can't do." 

   Now those words have stayed with me. Very close to me. For the big challenges as well as the smaller ones. I may have mistaken the precise wording but I have never forgotten the lesson that young man taught me. I don't like to promote "big business" but I do want to acknowledge how important that program was to me at that time. 

I was so self-absorbed in what I couldn't do that I had forgotten what I could do.

   So this morning, I shared the story with Mr S and I realised that I need to approach my life this week with that in mind. It's frustrating not being able to do the things I love but there is still so much that I have and that I can do.

This week...
I can lie in bed while the rain pours down (not the whole week!).
I can see the sun shining over the park after the last downpour.
I can still try to keep up my water intake.
I can still try to be mindful of my internet usage.
I've got two lovely classes of students so I think I can still keep teaching without losing my voice and taking time off work.
I can make sure that I monitor my health and rest as much as possible.
I can prioritise what needs to be done.
I can dream about all those projects and dreams I want to work on when I do feel stronger!

Goals for April

My post labelled Goals for March is now Goals for April. Perhaps it would be more aptly named Goals for the Next Few Weeks, Reflecting on Goals for the Last Few Weeks.

These days I feel I'm getting back to a routine where I have more choice over what I can and can't do. My back's going well. My car's going well. Mr S's brother has gone back home. Holidays are over. I welcome the time  I now have to plan  and reflect.

Goals for March...and thereabouts

• I now drink more water. My drink bottle fits snuggly in its place near my seat in the car. It's spill-proof and easy to carry around.
• Getting up early. This worked well before the holidays. During the Easter break I continued to get up early to take Mr S to work. I've also been going to bed earlier. Hopefully I can keep up this new habit.
• Exercise. I've done a good deal of walking in the last couple of weeks and I have just started running again, that is for a few minutes. It certainly feels good.
• I'm really pleased I brought in time to create.  I'm still reaping the benefits and enjoying the simple changes I've made to the decor.
• Housework!! Ugh!!! I got Mr S's brother to vacuum once. Does that count as achieving the goal of one key job a week? I did clean the shower this past week. (My excuse is my back. It tires easily.)
• Reducing screen time/Increasing "focus" time. Overall I've been on the computer a lot lately. On a few occasions I've consciously chosen not to switch on the computer or TV. 
• Friday Bill Time going very well and keeping me on top of matters financial. 

Goals for April into May...looking ahead....

• Exercise. Walking and running three times a week.
• Drink more water.
• Get up early. Not easy now that it is dark and cold in the mornings. I am enticing myself with a chai latte this Thursday morning. I am not a morning person so I need to make it "pleasant".  Tomorrow morning I'd like to bake biscuits for Mr S to take back to work. Could be wishful thinking!
• No FB till Friday. 
• Listen mindfully. Need to do something concrete to make this a definite part of my life.
• Try, try, try to do one key cleaning job a week.
• Around the house. Take out house picture to frame and come up with the next concrete step. What do I need to fix it in place in the frame which is empty and waiting to be used?
• Invite a friend over and prepare something to eat, whether it's a snack or a meal.

 I think that's enough. If I can achieve some of these goals this week I will be happy indeed. It always helps when I have focus and time to reflect. I become more mindful of how I approach my whole life and I become more open and more aware of ways in which I can do this. So,  I'm hoping for continued, quality thinking time. Waking up earlier, my Friday evening routine and less screen time are definite ways I can achieve that. I also want to keep in mind one of my main goals which is to be healthy and that only comes about by working at it. With all these thoughts in mind I'm set and focussed for a productive week.