During the holidays I spent time with a few people who find socialising very difficult. They worry a lot and avoid new situations. You could say, I had several, close encounters of the SAd kind. Because I know the language of SAd, I can often recognise it in other people. I picked up on their discomfort and it was easy to sense their pain, as hidden as it was.
One friend had a problem at work. It was just a matter of talking to the boss about it for a minute or two. I watched one evening as she put off calling him. The night went on and any mention of it was brushed off. Her focus was on her laptop. It looked like she was interested in whatever was on her screen and perhaps she was. It reminded me how once I managed to put off seeing my boss for three days. I remember trying to think of anything that would allow me to forget about it. However, like my friend's attempts to bury it, it doesn't go away. It stays there and so does the discomfort and the (unnecessary) worry.
Meanwhile, another friend has taken on a new role at work which has meant moving to a new site. She is ideal for the job. She has good skills as well as the right aptitude for the position. Unfortunately, it is isolating. People in her office work independently and they work to different timelines. The other side of it is she has actually made a positive impact. Her boss has said so and, when she talks about her work, her face lights up.
I noticed that most of her words are focussed on the negative: the isolation, the not-knowing-anyone, the challenges of a new route to work each day. She's adamant this is not the job for her even though it is something she has wanted to try for years. It happens that she has just started having coffee with one staff member and she has exchanged recipes with another colleague. Her focus on the negative makes it almost impossible for her to absorb the positive. She has lost sleep worrying about everything. This new role has meant advancement and a salary increase. She is gradually developing friendships. If the boss asks her to come back tomorrow she would jump at the opportunity.
I try to focus on the positive side of social anxiety but, at times, there is no getting away from the struggle and the discomfort of it. I watch my friend adjust to her new role and I see how she struggles. This is not the first time I have watched someone with SAd tendencies find it difficult to hold onto a new job, a pay rise, an opportunity.
There's nothing shocking about my first friend "forgetting" to go and see the boss, except that if you spent time with her you would see that her life is filled with these drawn-out moments. It seems that her social life is filled with internet time and she is always too busy or too tired to get involved with
I had more experiences like these in the holidays. My close encounters with the SAd kind left me feeling a little sad and a little deflated.
Opportunities wasted. Sleepless nights. Difficulties engaging with others. Avoidance. Hiding. Young people acting out. Social anxiety interrupts your life and yet in Australia very little is known about it.
This week there was a lot of talk about the differences between men and women's opportunities and salaries in the workplace.
I wonder what differences there are in the workplace for people with social anxiety and people without it.
