Navigating potholes in the road of life.

It seems that the last couple of months have been one pothole in the road after another.

Tonight a mechanic told me that my car is in no condition to be driven. Not even to the garage to be fixed.  Last week I took Mr S up to his new job in the country and the realisation hit that he needs a car to manage that job. Up until now he was happy taking public transport. All of a sudden a new car is on the must-do list and that certainly wasn't part of the plan for 2015.

Yet, we're both OK and as frazzled as I've been, at times, we're managing fine, which got me to thinking: "Why?"  Years ago, I would have cried, felt burdened and  been down on myself.

When I look back I can see that many of the challenges I encountered through the years have actually made it easier for me to deal with what I face now in my life.

I remember backpacking many years ago. I was terrified before I set off. At that time, my friends were married and settled while I was still navigating the hassle of life. However I so wanted to go travelling, nothing would stop me. I remember challenging myself to go into Target alone and not walk out straight away. I figured if I were going to travel the world I might need to practise walking around new places by myself.  That's right. As a young woman in my twenties, it was quite a challenge to go into a small, quiet department store and actually wander around.

So that particular day I did it, excruciating as it was. 

I ended up travelling the world for 11 months on my own.

That was the year I learned that dreams can come true. I came to realise that if you really want something you can find a way to do it. What I also know is that life may not be easy... but amazing things  can still happen one way or another. It helps to remember this when the going gets tough.

at the bus-stop

A few years ago I noticed I was getting really impatient, stressed and upset waiting in traffic. I eventually decided that I needed to tackle the problem instead of getting frustrated and upset. 

So these last few weeks, as I waited for buses that didn't come, I was  reminded that getting upset and stressing hurts no one but me.  I've learned that no amount of cursing will make that bus come any faster, nor will my anger allow me to find a better way of dealing with the situation.

I watched my dad die slowly. I've seen friends deal with infertility. I have students who don't have a parent. Over time, all of these personal encounters  have taught me how to keep things in perspective. 

Waiting at the bus stop might be an inconvenience but that doesn't mean my life is no longer abundant. It's a pothole in the road, and I  need to walk around it and get on with the journey.

I have to be honest. For me these lessons took a very long time and it's only with hindsight that I can see the value of those earlier life experiences.

So now, when I'm faced with a car that doesn't work and a partner whose job is far from home, I know that tears and self-deprecation are not effective coping strategies. The fact is life is really OK. I'm now extremely grateful that my life experiences have included inconveniences and experiences of hardship. I'm grateful that I faced them- even if begrudgingly- knowing that today I am better equipped than ever to navigate  those potholes in the road.

walking home

Travelling the pot-holed road to happiness: this week

country cemetery

Travelling the pot-holed road to happiness is how I used to view my journey with social anxiety and my seemingly endless quest to be free of the ever-present angst. I feel I've moved beyond that way of experiencing life but still find "the pot-holed road" a good way to describe life's unplanned ups and downs that are forever popping into our lives. I think the analogy is especially relevant for me because I'm constantly trying to plan out my life  in order to bring about a happy, productive state. 

Life has its own way of reminding me that it's really about celebrating the here and now and appreciating the pot-holes, as much as the highlights, along the way. This has been another week which has challenged me to put the list aside and embrace life as it is.

lovely centrepiece

My aunty died last week and we had the funeral yesterday. It was a lovely, country funeral and gathering. I got to catch up and talk at length to cousins I don't see so often, and I saw many faces from my childhood days when we used to visit my aunty's farm. Those faces brought back a lot of happy memories. My aunty was a good person who was a talented homemaker and community worker. She did a lot of  work behind the scenes: church cleaning, making cakes and baby booties for fundraisers but never expected recognition for it, rather she recognised the goodness in the doing of the work.

My car has been playing up. It cuts out as I drive along. Fortunately, each time it's happened, I've been able to get over safely to the side of the road without causing danger to anyone. It happened on Monday morning, on the way to school. So I decided to catch public transport until it's fixed (or until I make the decision that this car is really not worth fixing and I better get a new car). 

Going on public transport has taken up more time and energy than anticipated. I've come home tired and I get less work done before and after school. Twice I took the wrong bus and wasted time retracing my steps and getting back on the right bus. And, yes, I did learn to be more careful when boarding the bus. 

Again, life throws up the unexpected and shows me that it is wonderful and full of much in which to delight - whether I plan it or not. 

One of this week's unplanned delights happened as I travelled to work on the bus. A younger gentleman, a passenger, tapped me on the shoulder and asked "Are you Ms R? And you taught at XYZ School?" I immediately recognised as him as one of my ex-students.

Now, this is bound to happen when you live and work in the same area, or even state, but Vincent was my student at a school, thousands of miles away, twenty years ago. He was a student in one of my most memorable classes and I always thought how marvellous it would be to meet some of my ex-students from that time. Of course, it never happened, so twenty years on I was not only surprised, but absolutely delighted to see him. What was even more delightful was seeing that he was a such a charming gentleman, who only the day before had been chatting to the older man on the bus- just being friendly.  

And it all happened because I had to travel on the bus....because my car is causing such inconvenience...

not in the city now

Large family gatherings can be overwhelming and tiresome for me. My aunty's funeral was a lovely tribute to her and I thoroughly enjoyed watching everyone come together in celebration of her life. I did take a back seat in the hall but I was happy talking to people in the back stalls and comfortable to watch from afar. I've found going to school on the bus to be very calming and I've enjoyed saying hello to a few people I know in the community. That could not happen travelling in my car in the traffic.

This week was challenging but memorable in a beautiful way.

Goals: Heading in the right direction

After quiet a few weeks of not feeling well I think I'm finally getting back on track. This morning I was able to pop outside and cut off some of the dead flowers in the front garden. It was a good feeling and a beautiful morning, as well. Now my mind's ticking over with other little jobs I might be able to squeeze into today's program.

At the start of the week I set myself some goals, taking into consideration the limitations of having no car and still needing to take it easy. In some ways it was a little harder than expected. I found I was extra tired and waiting for buses took more time than expected.

My goals were focussed on waking early, eating homemade lunches, drinking water, going for a walk and cutting down my screen time (hoping that would give me the opportunity to get on to other more productive jobs).

Waking early: I certainly woke early each morning but that time was taken up with catching the bus.
Eating homemade lunches: Um...er...it only happened once.  For the first time I bought some cream cheese and made up a wrap with avocado. It was scrum-delicious.  This week I've bought cheese and chicken, bread and wraps to have on hand for lunch and snacks. It's nice to have something new in the humble lunchtime repertoire.
Drinking water: no...no... no
Going for a walk: no.... public transport takes up my time and my energy
Cutting down screen time/ using computer time effectively: Well, there has been improvement. I've been more careful about using the computer. One night I made myself  work out on paper what I needed to do and ended up having a very focussed evening. One night out of four is good, right? The other nights I did go online but I'm proud to say that I stayed off FB all week.

So, all in all, I feel that I'm heading in the right direction. I ended up making inroads on my food goal of one new recipe a month, which wasn't planned this week. I have often wanted to take public transport sometimes as a means to reducing my carbon footprint so that's a green living goal which came to be but also wasn't planned. I'm managing to get up early which, remember, is something I haven't been able to do for over twenty-five years. This did not start as an intended goal but I'm certainly glad it's happening.  I've begun to reduce screen time but I know that, really, I need to go much further.

It's 35 degrees today so not good for going for a walk. I'm sure, though, it won't be long before that can happen. The pantry is stocked and ready for three days of homemade lunches. I might need to wake up a few minutes earlier- gulp!-to make sure I have enough time for preparing lunch.

My goals this week will remain the same. I will keep heading in the right direction and I actually think that these smaller steps are more reliable than going all out on and changing life in a big way.
It's also shown me that tiny, substantial steps towards goals is easily managed and possibly more dependable long-term.