It's been such a long time since I was last here. I've been busy with work, looking after children and with just tackling the fatigue and lethargy that comes along.
The end of the year saw me looking after some young people when at the start of 2011 I had gritted my teeth and decided to face the grim fact that I would never be capable of looking after children in my home except for the occasional weekend. Life has surprised me and it has brought a smile to my face. Somehow, it makes for a peaceful sleep at night. Somehow the house does not seem so cavernous!
I had a chance at love and blew it. This put a damper on the rest of the year. I sent a lovely Christmas card to the man in question, hoping to convince him to make another go of it. It's just really hard trying to explain to the uninitiated that SAD can make you say the stupidest things and act in the weirdest way. SAD or not, I am responsible and again I have sabotaged a chance at happiness for myself (and for him :)) I'm in my 40s now so I don't wear this sort of result very well. It's not easy facing the rest of your life on your own and pretending that you don't care for companionship as you step out into the world each day. Well, I could go on and on.... I don't want to be negative about life, a trap I can easily fall into, but it's hard to get excited about a life on my own amid people whose lives are full of intimacy and relationships.
Any advice on how to deal with it?
So it's time to prepare for 2012. And the challenge is to try to approach it positively. And right now I don't think I can do it. So bear with me as I try to work out a way to overcome those obstacles getting in the way.
Here goes.
Step 1
Focus on what is good in your life. Yes, bad things happen but don't lose sight of the good stuff.
Life is good right now.
Today ...
Life has given me many good things this year.
In 2011...
The end of the year saw me looking after some young people when at the start of 2011 I had gritted my teeth and decided to face the grim fact that I would never be capable of looking after children in my home except for the occasional weekend. Life has surprised me and it has brought a smile to my face. Somehow, it makes for a peaceful sleep at night. Somehow the house does not seem so cavernous!
I had a chance at love and blew it. This put a damper on the rest of the year. I sent a lovely Christmas card to the man in question, hoping to convince him to make another go of it. It's just really hard trying to explain to the uninitiated that SAD can make you say the stupidest things and act in the weirdest way. SAD or not, I am responsible and again I have sabotaged a chance at happiness for myself (and for him :)) I'm in my 40s now so I don't wear this sort of result very well. It's not easy facing the rest of your life on your own and pretending that you don't care for companionship as you step out into the world each day. Well, I could go on and on.... I don't want to be negative about life, a trap I can easily fall into, but it's hard to get excited about a life on my own amid people whose lives are full of intimacy and relationships.
Any advice on how to deal with it?
So it's time to prepare for 2012. And the challenge is to try to approach it positively. And right now I don't think I can do it. So bear with me as I try to work out a way to overcome those obstacles getting in the way.
Here goes.
Step 1
Focus on what is good in your life. Yes, bad things happen but don't lose sight of the good stuff.
Life is good right now.
Today ...
- I was tired and I could sleep it off without worrying about work or getting someone's meal.
- It was a gloomy morning but by evening the sun had come out and the day seemed cheerier.
- I had a delicious, healthy, store-bought risotto (Pitango).
- I got to listen to some podcasts which I don't usually have time for.
- The holidays are here. Hooray!
- I did things as I pleased today, in my own time and in my own way.
- I felt a bit strange about being on my own but I persevered and, really, the day was pleasant.
Life has given me many good things this year.
In 2011...
- My year ended with me fostering children, after having "dropped" that dream. It was enjoyable and I managed it without too much stress.
- There were some difficult times at work. But, the first three months were truly wonderful. I love it when you go to work and you experience the joy of the craftmanship of your work, as well as the privilege of working with such delightful young people.
- After ten years of drought, we've had lots of rain all year. There are flowers growing in my garden which I haven't seen for so long. And I finally got the back yard garden patch cleared and mulched. It's ready to be an organic vegie garden.
- And I started my first blog. It took a long time to get up the courage to put myself out there in the bloggersphere and I've got a fair way to go. But, I did start and I did do it!!! And I feel good about that.
