Travelling the pot-holed road to happiness: this week

country cemetery

Travelling the pot-holed road to happiness is how I used to view my journey with social anxiety and my seemingly endless quest to be free of the ever-present angst. I feel I've moved beyond that way of experiencing life but still find "the pot-holed road" a good way to describe life's unplanned ups and downs that are forever popping into our lives. I think the analogy is especially relevant for me because I'm constantly trying to plan out my life  in order to bring about a happy, productive state. 

Life has its own way of reminding me that it's really about celebrating the here and now and appreciating the pot-holes, as much as the highlights, along the way. This has been another week which has challenged me to put the list aside and embrace life as it is.

lovely centrepiece

My aunty died last week and we had the funeral yesterday. It was a lovely, country funeral and gathering. I got to catch up and talk at length to cousins I don't see so often, and I saw many faces from my childhood days when we used to visit my aunty's farm. Those faces brought back a lot of happy memories. My aunty was a good person who was a talented homemaker and community worker. She did a lot of  work behind the scenes: church cleaning, making cakes and baby booties for fundraisers but never expected recognition for it, rather she recognised the goodness in the doing of the work.

My car has been playing up. It cuts out as I drive along. Fortunately, each time it's happened, I've been able to get over safely to the side of the road without causing danger to anyone. It happened on Monday morning, on the way to school. So I decided to catch public transport until it's fixed (or until I make the decision that this car is really not worth fixing and I better get a new car). 

Going on public transport has taken up more time and energy than anticipated. I've come home tired and I get less work done before and after school. Twice I took the wrong bus and wasted time retracing my steps and getting back on the right bus. And, yes, I did learn to be more careful when boarding the bus. 

Again, life throws up the unexpected and shows me that it is wonderful and full of much in which to delight - whether I plan it or not. 

One of this week's unplanned delights happened as I travelled to work on the bus. A younger gentleman, a passenger, tapped me on the shoulder and asked "Are you Ms R? And you taught at XYZ School?" I immediately recognised as him as one of my ex-students.

Now, this is bound to happen when you live and work in the same area, or even state, but Vincent was my student at a school, thousands of miles away, twenty years ago. He was a student in one of my most memorable classes and I always thought how marvellous it would be to meet some of my ex-students from that time. Of course, it never happened, so twenty years on I was not only surprised, but absolutely delighted to see him. What was even more delightful was seeing that he was a such a charming gentleman, who only the day before had been chatting to the older man on the bus- just being friendly.  

And it all happened because I had to travel on the bus....because my car is causing such inconvenience...

not in the city now

Large family gatherings can be overwhelming and tiresome for me. My aunty's funeral was a lovely tribute to her and I thoroughly enjoyed watching everyone come together in celebration of her life. I did take a back seat in the hall but I was happy talking to people in the back stalls and comfortable to watch from afar. I've found going to school on the bus to be very calming and I've enjoyed saying hello to a few people I know in the community. That could not happen travelling in my car in the traffic.

This week was challenging but memorable in a beautiful way.

Goals: Heading in the right direction

After quiet a few weeks of not feeling well I think I'm finally getting back on track. This morning I was able to pop outside and cut off some of the dead flowers in the front garden. It was a good feeling and a beautiful morning, as well. Now my mind's ticking over with other little jobs I might be able to squeeze into today's program.

At the start of the week I set myself some goals, taking into consideration the limitations of having no car and still needing to take it easy. In some ways it was a little harder than expected. I found I was extra tired and waiting for buses took more time than expected.

My goals were focussed on waking early, eating homemade lunches, drinking water, going for a walk and cutting down my screen time (hoping that would give me the opportunity to get on to other more productive jobs).

Waking early: I certainly woke early each morning but that time was taken up with catching the bus.
Eating homemade lunches: Um...er...it only happened once.  For the first time I bought some cream cheese and made up a wrap with avocado. It was scrum-delicious.  This week I've bought cheese and chicken, bread and wraps to have on hand for lunch and snacks. It's nice to have something new in the humble lunchtime repertoire.
Drinking water: no...no... no
Going for a walk: no.... public transport takes up my time and my energy
Cutting down screen time/ using computer time effectively: Well, there has been improvement. I've been more careful about using the computer. One night I made myself  work out on paper what I needed to do and ended up having a very focussed evening. One night out of four is good, right? The other nights I did go online but I'm proud to say that I stayed off FB all week.

So, all in all, I feel that I'm heading in the right direction. I ended up making inroads on my food goal of one new recipe a month, which wasn't planned this week. I have often wanted to take public transport sometimes as a means to reducing my carbon footprint so that's a green living goal which came to be but also wasn't planned. I'm managing to get up early which, remember, is something I haven't been able to do for over twenty-five years. This did not start as an intended goal but I'm certainly glad it's happening.  I've begun to reduce screen time but I know that, really, I need to go much further.

It's 35 degrees today so not good for going for a walk. I'm sure, though, it won't be long before that can happen. The pantry is stocked and ready for three days of homemade lunches. I might need to wake up a few minutes earlier- gulp!-to make sure I have enough time for preparing lunch.

My goals this week will remain the same. I will keep heading in the right direction and I actually think that these smaller steps are more reliable than going all out on and changing life in a big way.
It's also shown me that tiny, substantial steps towards goals is easily managed and possibly more dependable long-term.

Happy SAD Thoughts

Having SAd is something that is always with me. More often than not I forget I have it. However, I cannot forget forever. SAd has a way of knocking on my door and reminding me that it has a fixed place in my life. At times like that I realise  I need to work at keeping myself grounded and in the position where I can mange my SAd easily.

There are many things I do that help me stay centred. Getting enough sleep is a high priority. Exercise has helped me use my energy in a productive way and leaves me feeling good. I try to work out three times a week but most times it's once or twice. I have hobbies that nourish me, such as gardening and I recognise other practices which give me a boost. Having a chai latte is simple enough. It warms me inside and provides an excuse to relax and enjoy a few moments of solitude. 

One of the key ways that keeps my thoughts grounded is by reading and watching out for inspiration from other people and sources. Getting a regular fix of both positive and challenging ideas makes it easier for me to think positively and challenge the negative thoughts. I often look out on pinterest for meaningful quotes and I always welcome finding reports in the newspaper that shine a light on social anxiety.

This week I came across this clip via Life behind the purple door . Dayarne at Simple joys and silver linings  shares her experience of anxiety. She's made a video in which she speaks frankly and simply about what anxiety has been like for her. I think it helps immensely to know others out there have gone through what I have and to know I am not alone in this. It is also great to have role models and to see how others forge on - with their anxiety- and move forward with their life. 

I firmly believe the more we talk about social anxiety the easier it will be for those who have it but are not aware of it to find ways to manage it. It would have been so good, when I was young and struggling, to have had some strategies to turn to, or some role models to look up to and I'm talking about helping me just to get through the day.
If you would like to see more words of inspiration, have a look at my pinterest board of Happy SAd Thoughts.

This week I'd like to leave you with some words of inspiration.
As you can see I'm an amateur when it comes to presenting quotes myself.... 
Have a lovely Sunday.

Simple Living: Simple achievements

This year I've been living very simply, but in a different way.  I've had a run of ailments which means there have been days where I have been able to manage nothing more than staring at the TV screen. I had intended cutting down my screen time this year but in the last few weeks I've watched more than ever. 
I woke up yesterday with a very sore throat. Added to that my car has cut out completely three times in the last two days so I don't want to drive it until it gets fixed.  Because I had started getting better, Mr S and I had been looking forward to going out for a drive this weekend. Alas, it's the very, very simple life for us this weekend. Again. It looks like it will be a little longer before I can get back into my regular life.

Somehow, through all these pot-holes in the road of life, I have managed to get back to work and do  "light" things around the house. I noticed that many bloggers record their simple living achievements which appeals to the part of me that likes to make lists and tick things off. So this week I thought I'd list the very simple ways in which I have been "living simply".

• I am slowly decluttering by unsubscribing to websites I no longer use or no longer need. It feels good to be making a difference even if it is only a baby step. It's still a step forward in the right direction.

Providing nourishment but possible not a contender for the Royal Show.

Zucchini fritters.

No, I didn't eat these grapes. A two-legged creature worked its way through the netting.

• Picking vegetables from the garden and cooking with them. I'm learning! There's so much I don't know about gardening and I'm not sure that we've saved too much money but I think there will come a time in the future when this biding time  will pave the way for a flourishing and productive vegetable garden.
• I'm remembering to turn off switches. My "frugal" motto is Every little bit counts. Being frugal is a habit I want to cultivate rather than a major goal I want to throw all my energy into.
• My phone reminded me I need to check two bills and accounts this week to make sure they are paid on time. So I paid them.
• I've started tinkering with the making of  fairy garden after getting distracted from this goal last year. I've kept it simple by just using what's lying around the garden. It's a work in progress.

• I'm getting back into a routine: mid-week laundry and household "admin"  on a Friday night. "Admin" includes planning for work and home. I'm not an organiser by nature so planning helps me keep on track. Having goals and planning has helped me prioritise in the last few weeks when I have not been able to get things done so easily.
• When it was hot this week we kept the house closed  and didn't use the cooling. 
• And this one: Saving money by not going out and making do with what is in the house (trying to look at a challenge in a positive way :) ).

I wrote earlier this year about life delivering me a message:  embrace what is, as is, now!! I've got to admit it feels totally weird to be doing nothing, just sitting around, but my body seems to need it right now. I know I need to trust that all will be well. Besides, I am fortunate. I have much to be grateful for. I'm very grateful that in this hot, hot weather it is OK for me to sit around doing nothing. When I remind myself that getting sick like this has happened before, I know that it won't be long before life resumes its normal pace. I can't help thinking that life really is marvellous but it sure does have its share of potholes and the challenge is to embrace those potholes as much as the highs!

On being frugal in 2015

(My computer has gone "kaput" so no recent photos but I found some oldies. Enjoy.)

Well, my friends, 2015 is the year I incorporate frugality into my vocabulary. Don't get me wrong. I have always been relatively cautious with my spending, but the word "frugal" is one I have never wanted to adopt. 
Growing up we had little to no money for spending. Back then, it wasn't so much about being frugal. It was a matter of not spending because there was no money to spend. One had to be frugal to manage the pennies each week.

I think because I have social anxiety, asserting my needs and wants has been something I was never able to do. In many ways, I really didn't know what I wanted, let alone know how to impose that on someone else. When I was younger, there is no way I would have asked my mum for the latest pair of jeans or some cool top or a neat line of stationery. When I first started to work in a permanent position on a fixed income, I literally didn't know how to spend. I would constantly think of what might happen if I overspent and didn't have any money left. Again, social anxiety at work!
I had to learn to spend. I had to learn to enjoy my money. And eventually I did. 
But this was not about being frugal. This was about not knowing how to be with money, even though in the course of growing up and being fearful of overspending, I actually learnt many useful ways of saving money.

I think I have been averse to "frugality" because it often seems to be about putting money above people or money above the quality of a product or experience. Of course, different people have different priorities. 
For me, I want nourishing food over cheap, processed foodstuffs. I want a long-lasting garment which can be worn and enjoyed over a $3 bargain which was made by whom? where? under what conditions? and of what quality? 
For so many years I found it hard to connect with people and neither did I eat a wide range of food when younger. So as I got older, I made it a priority to accept invitations to eat with friends and colleagues, even though I might not each as much as them at a restaurant and we would be sharing the bill. A chance to (learn to) be with people was what counted.

Fast-froward to 2015. 
My partner is very frugal. He wants to finish off all the food in the fridge and not throw anything out. Every penny is important to him. I want to respect what is important in his life and I want to support his endeavours. So this year, 2015, I have increased the repayments of the mortgage. I've realised that if I practise some of Mr S's money-wise habits this is something we can manage, not forgetting the fact I love setting myself a challenge. 
I'm working on the philosophy of every penny counts. A lot of good money habits also resonate with my goal to live simply and make choices that are earth-friendly and people-friendly. In addition to keeping a budget, spending wisely and living simply, here are some of the ways I hope to save a little:

• think twice before grabbing a cinnamon roll or snack from the bakery
• use the wood heater for heating when winter comes, once a week, and sometimes use candles rather than electric light 
• return library books on time (which I did yesterday, knowing this was now part of the challenge - to avoid the fines which I always get)
• turn off the power switches when not in use
• turn off the TV when I'm not actually watching it (consider one TV-free day a week)
• use my phone to alert me to due dates so that bills are paid on time and no extra payments incurred.
• lunch at school gobbles up  my money....try to take food from home at least three times a week

I expect that by putting these things into practise it will actually make me think twice about all spending. So, 2015, here comes Ms Congeniality Frugality!!