2011 and 2012: Moving past the obstacles.

Holidays!
After months of work and stress and worry, I can actually sit here, on this delightfully sunny day, look at the blog title and think: The pot holes don't worry me! Yet only a few days ago I felt I had been stepping in the pot-holes and getting caught. Certainly, for me, time and space enable me to centre and ground myself. And with the sun shining, hibiscus blooming and fingers on the keyboard, I can only feel positive about the lazy days ahead of me.

Since I broke up from work I've been trying to recover a more positive sense of who I am and where I'm at (keeping in mind the reality of  some of life's experiences that tend to draw me away from all of that).

OK. Step one: Focus on the positive. Even when the days are gloomy and hard work, there are things to be grateful for. This doesn't mean you have to ignore the difficulties. It means that you have to be careful that the negative is not the only side you look for. The postive is there if you care to look.

Now: Step two. Hmmmm.
Well, for me it's journalling but others may have another way of ensuring that you keep life in perspective, that your worries don't dominate your life and you remain aware of where you're at.
Interestingly I've found parts of this year were challenging and left me feeling rather flat about life. But during these months I was not journalling, I was not practising gratitude and I was not indulging in those activities that make me feel good about myself. 
Years ago, before I went to counselling and learnt about SAD, the one thing that really helped me clear my head of excess negativity was the journalling. I got the idea for spilling it all out from The Vein of Gold by Julia Cameron (She refers to Morning Pages rather than journalling). I find that when I journal I get my feelings out and I'm able to discern my mood. Almost naturally, I find myself wanting to end the journalling with a positive outlook. I tend to challenge myself to make the best of what I have in that moment. The journalling helps bring me back to the present and allows me to see whether my jottings are too negative or not.
The great thing about the journalling is that you can write anything. I am so honest when I journal. It's surprising how therapeutic it can be without even trying.

Summer is here.
Barwon Heads, Victoria

2011 and 2012 Moving the obstacles out of the way

It's been such a long time since I was last here. I've been busy with work, looking after children and with just tackling  the fatigue and lethargy that comes along.

The end of the year saw me looking after some young people when at the start of 2011 I had gritted my teeth and decided to face the grim fact that I would never be capable of looking after children in my home except for the occasional weekend. Life has surprised me and it has brought a smile to my face. Somehow, it makes for a peaceful sleep at night. Somehow the house does not seem so cavernous!

I had a chance at love and blew it. This put a damper on the rest of the year. I sent a lovely Christmas card to the man in question, hoping to convince him to make another go of it. It's just really hard trying to explain to the uninitiated that SAD can make you say the stupidest things and act in the weirdest way. SAD or not, I am responsible and again I have sabotaged a chance at happiness for myself (and for him :)) I'm in my 40s now so I don't wear this sort of result very well.  It's not easy facing the rest of your life on your own and pretending that you don't care for companionship as you step out into the world each day.  Well, I could go on and on....  I don't want to be negative about life, a trap I can easily fall into, but it's hard to get excited about a life on my own amid people whose lives are full of intimacy and relationships.


Any advice on how to deal with it?

So it's time to prepare for 2012. And the challenge is to try to approach it positively. And right now I don't think I can do it. So bear with me as I try to work out a way to overcome those obstacles getting in the way.

Here goes.
Step 1

Focus on what is good in your life. Yes, bad things happen but don't lose sight of the good stuff.

Life is good right now.
Today ...

• I was tired and I could sleep it off without worrying about work or getting someone's meal.
• It was a gloomy morning but by evening the sun had come out and the day seemed cheerier.
• I had a delicious, healthy, store-bought risotto (Pitango).
• I got to listen to some podcasts which I don't usually have time for. 
• The holidays are here. Hooray!
• I did things as I pleased today, in my own time and in my own way.
• I felt a bit strange about being on my own but I persevered and, really, the day was pleasant. 

Life has given me many good things this year.
In 2011...

• My year ended with me fostering children, after having "dropped" that dream. It was enjoyable and I managed it without too much stress.
• There were some difficult times at work. But, the first three months were truly wonderful. I love it when you go to work and you experience the joy of the craftmanship of your work, as well as the privilege of working with such delightful young people.
• After ten years of drought, we've had lots of rain all year. There are flowers growing in my garden which I haven't seen for so long. And I finally got the back yard garden patch cleared and mulched. It's ready to be an organic vegie garden.
• And I started my first blog. It took a long time to get up the courage to put myself out there in the bloggersphere and I've got a fair way to go. But, I did start and I did do it!!! And I feel good about that.