Arrival

I thought  it might be helpful to  say something about my arrival here on this page and how it all came to be.
I had been thinking about blogging for two years. I was keen to do a tongue-in-cheek blog about living a green life from the perspective of someone who leads a busy suburban life. Then I realised that it would be hard holding my head up around all those die-hard greenies if I were to  excuse away my lack of commitment to green living by saying that I get tired a lot, I have SAD, and I'm usually disorganised and unmotivated. Even so, you could say that it was those frugal living blogs that first got me going.
Then I wanted to write about inspirational people and the wonderful things that happen in everyday life. But again, I wondered what the reader would make of me wanting to write about experiences that others take for granted, like going out and having a really good time.  Nevertheless I thought it would be great to write about such achievements as well as share something of the simple beauty which is found in everyday life even amidst the struggles.
I only found out that I had SA three years ago. I was 43. For the first time in my life I had an explanation for the utter frustration I experienced. For years I had been trying to build a good life for myself only to find that, despite all my efforts, I would always find myself at home, and on my own.
It was a good feeling to understand finally why I had  always felt like I was living on the periphery.
Well, now that I know about SA I want to make others aware of it. The final driving factor for creating this blog is that I would love to help another person manage better the sorts of experiences that I had to go through because I didn't know any other way.

Everyone's gone home.

I came home today feeling just a tad sour. After an energetic day at work I finally had some time to chat and finish off my work in a relaxed mood. But, of course, by then everyone else in my department had gone home. They have families, I guess.
Every day is so busy and peppered with small talk about work and its happenings, a joke here, a comment there. At the end of today, with all the pressure off, I really wanted to stop and have a decent conversation with someone but...there was noone. The room was empty.
And then home to my own company. At home I found myself sitting at my computer, gazing across the room. I knew that I had it within me to switch my thoughts to something more positive and more constructive. But I didn't want to. Positive thoughts weren't going to bring fine company into my lounge room, especially on a weeknight.
So I cooked. I checked my emails. I put on some good music. I ate a hearty curry meal (well, it was without the chicken because I forgot to get the chicken! But for a girl who has been known to have toast as an evening meal, this was still a grand effort). And somehow I did forget about the fact that it was just me for dinner again. And I guess I did enjoy my second glorious attempt at cooking a curry dish. And I did lose myself in my music.
I feel good for the end of a busy day. I guess,  I don't feel so bad right now about being on my own. In fact, my mind is thinking about what needs to be done before I go to sleep. I think I feel rested which is a nice feeling as I haven't felt this way for a long time.

My chicken curry. First attempt!

How do you get by when you wish you had company but you know it can't happen at that particular time?